Going on leave soon…

Yes… will be on leave for 3 weeks… I dun really have a choice to break up my leave cos’ the other days my boss or my right hand man are on leave… so I got to take those days that they are not on leave… still trying to clear lots of work before going on leave… anyway, will be bringing my laptop back home, to occasionally check my emails and do some work… if not, confirm alot of backlog when I come back…

next monday going to bintan already… yay!!!!

A weird dream

The other night I had the weirdest dream… anyway, i will describe what my dream is about and what i analyzed of it…

I dreamt that I was on a beach… I was walking along it and I dun know I was looking for what but I just keep on walking… and I think my friends were with me… as we were walking, they told me to go out onto one island which is far away from the beach however, is still in the line of our sight… however, I refused cos’ the waves were really huge and crazy… I continued walking along and I think they didn’t come along… walked till I came to this huge cave, with a beautiful waterfall in it… the cave was really magnificant and sthg which I have never seen before… after that, I can’t remember what happened…

See interpretations of the major things that I have dreamt:-

To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.

To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean, indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc.

To see  or dream that you are on an island, signifies ease, relaxation and comfort. The dream is telling you that you need a vacation and escape the stresses in your life. You want some solitude. 

To see or dream that you are in a cave, symbolize the womb and thus signify refuge, protection and concealment.

To see a waterfall in your dream, is symbolic of letting go.  You are releasing all those pent up emotions and negative feelings. The dream may also represent your goals and desires. In particular, if the waterfall is clear, then it represents revitalization, regeneration and renewal.

Ok, now let me put everything together… I think I am currently in a struggle… as to whether to follow my rational or irrational mind… rational tells me to stay on my rational course and eventually i will find my refuge or peace however, this includes letting go of sthg… there is a different kind of paradise out in the open too but i didn’t dare venture out into the unknown… in my dream, i choose rationality though i see that there might be a different happiness in the unknown which may involve some major decision making…

actually I tot that i’m more of the emotional person and I tot I would venture out even though it’s unknown… moreover i could see clearly that there is sthg out there.. i guess what my subconscious mind is telling me that no matter what i choose, eventually I am going to reach some point of paradise, be it the island or the cave (if you know what I mean)… hmm… i think i need to remember more of my dreams… oh well.. just take a step at a time ba….

Estelle as the flower girl for Andy’s wedding…

Loaded pics & video of estelle being the flower girl @ Andy’s wedding… She is soooooo cute… at the start she was alright but getting later into the night, she became really mang zhang… dun know why also… moreover she didnt really eat much… only keep munching on the grapes… and think she had too much fun during the day that she was having nightmares at night… suddenly cry and shouted during her sleep… had to comfort her by hugging her and whisper sweet-nothings.. but anyway, fortunately she could fall asleep again…

well, another few more days and she will be with me for many many days… cos’ i’m going on long leave… also bringing her and my parents to Bintan next Monday… yay!!! i can have my sun liao lor… can’t wait to go see our private villa with sea view… will take many many pictures…

Neck still hurts

Had been having a stiff neck since last week… and it’s really killing me… arrggghhhh… had a great time last night during dinner… dun noe why also but really enjoyed it… thanks to whoever you are… hehe…

can’t wait for my 3 weeks of leave that will start next week… finally… lots of time with Estelle… and of course, there is also the Bintan trip that I’m looking forward to… look out for the photos which I will post in my FB account… think I am going to bring my laptop there… :P can’t leave a day not logging onto the internet…

kinda disappointed this morning…

yeah, title spells it… was looking forward to sthg but guess everytime things just dun go the way you want it… well, I wun force it… guess there will be a right time ba… but I dun think I ever want to try again le… there is only so much I can do and if still rejected, no matter how many times I try, it will still be rejected… so… ya.. anyway, time will tell… just take a step at a time ba…

must think of ‘happy’ thoughts… oh yes, I’m gg for The Killers concert next Jan!!! Yay!!!! hehe…

Bad luck during shopping this afternoon…

suddenly felt like going shopping cos’ my SKII toner is finishing so tot take this opportunity to take PM leave to go shopping since I need to clear my leave anyway… and remembered I saw a msg saying that TANGS have closed door specials for their members…

When I went over to Vivocity, I didn’t see that TANGS were only restricting entry for members only… then I realised that I got the dates wrong.. the closed door special is on Wednesday… and today is tuesday… arrrgggghhhhh… Bad luck no. 1…

After that, didn’t shop at tangs and went to Toys’R'Us to get monopoly junior for Estelle as christmas present… so got it and thought, nvm lah, no need to go to Tangs again tomorrow… i just buy what i need which is the SKII toner… so went to the SKII booth at vivo tangs… i wanted the big bottle… the salesgirl checked and told me that they are out of stock… *pengz* Bad luck No. 2… then I asked her if they have stock at orchard tangs… she said yes so went to orchard by MRT… didn’t even shopped at vivo cos’ dun bother… suddenly felt tired so wanted to finish up asap…

reached orchard tangs… bought the toner and was given some lucky draw coupon… filled it up and walked around the first level to find the bloody box… cannot find so asked the cashier… she told me 3rd level.. so went up to level 3, walked around but cannot find the box… decided to ask someone again… told me that it was actually near to the escalator… arrggghhh… Bad luck No. 3

dropped the coupon into box… went down again… decided to go M&S to get something for family… went there, got something for everyone and of course, Estelle too… then left… decided to take the bus cos’ I wanted to go AMK to get something… then went to the bus stop outside DFS (dun know what hotel name) to wait for bus 132 when actually i could have walked to the bus stop outside Thai Embassy… walked the wrong way… Bad luck No. 4….

Walked to the bus stop and saw that 132 doesn’t stop there??? ARRGGGHHHH… Bad luck No. 5… i remembered years ago, 132 stops there lor… apparently they changed the bus route or whatever… so went to see the buses info and saw this express bus that goes to AMK within a few stops 128… so waited for prob 15 mins… and decided, that i may have seen wrongly… so went to take a closer look.. nb, the bus only operates during the evening… Bad luck No. 6… arrggghhhh… so I just hopped onto a bus that brings me to Newton MRT and took MRT to AMK… when I could have taken MRT in the first place at Orchard… arrggghhhh…

Reached AMK… bought watever and went back in taxi cos’ really really tired le… sigh… shouldn’t have gone shopping today… really full of bad luck sia… how come everytime I shop for christmas presents, it’s bad luck de… last year, got into car accident after shopping for christmas presents… sigh…

Call from India…

3 nights ago, I received a call @ 5am.. estelle was around with me so I quickly woke up and pick up the call… the number appearing on my caller ID is an overseas number though I dun know which country… Below is the conversation between me and the Indian f**ker (IF):

Me: Hello??

IF: *quiet*

Me: Hello???!!!! Hello???!!!!

IF: *quiet*

Me: Who are you looking for???!!!!

IF: Hello! Is this a Singapore line? (in authentic Indian accent)

Me: Ya! who do you want to speak to???!!!

IF: What is your name??? (in the same stupid accent)

Me: Harlow!!! You call and you ask my name??? who you looking for?? Wrong number lah!!!!

IF: I want to know your name..

Me: Oei, f**k you understand???!!!!

IF: Eh, f**k me?? you want to f**k me ah??!!!!

Me: F**k you!!! CB… (hung up the phone)

You can’t blame me for using vulgar language cos’ i was really groggy just awoken from sleep and this fellow have to call and be a clown over the phone… kns…

After that call, he kept calling again… I kept pressing the red button, refusing to pick up… i think he called about like 10 times… but there was another call in between that I picked up cos’ i wanted to scold him again… below was the conversation:

Me: Hello!!! I told you you got the bloody wrong number!!!! Can you dun call again???!!!!

IF: You Chinese???

Me: Do I sound like a f**king Indian to you??? I’m not like a f**king Indian like you!!!!

IF: You Indian???? *wanted to carry on with sthg but I cut him off*

Me: I told you I not f**king Indian like you!!!! F**k you lah!!! *hung up phone*

After that, I switched off the phone… and in the morning @ 8am, I called Singtel to bar the number… but was told that they cannot bar overseas number… so told them to check which country the number is from… they told me that it is a call from India… which I suspected at first… I mean, where else can you find the bloody accent… kns… after that, I vowed to put the number on India’s social networking website stating ‘call me @ xxxx if interested in knowing a sexy lady’… angry sia… till now, he haven’t called back… better dun mess around with me cos’ he is going to regret it… nb…

KittyLab & finally a run again…

Went to KittyLab with Estelle on Friday… fortunately it is a friday and there wasn’t much ppl.. however, Estelle was a bit mang zhang maybe cos’ it’s near to her nap time and she woke up early that day… anyway, bought some sovenir for herself and myself too… hehe… and too bad, no photos or videos are allowed in the exhibition hall… though it wasn’t really good but the props they used are very cute… very cartoony and really feel like being in the cartoon world… managed to come out within 35 mins and we got the good citizen badge or sthg… hehe…

And today, finally go for a run again… had been raining for the past few weeks and didn’t had a chance to go for run… and today, tot it was going to rain again but after I sent Estelle back, the sky looked clear and it was windy… so quickly went for the run… but realised that my NIKE+ sensor is not working… fortunately got one spare at home… so went back home to change and ran… this time, i did about 45 mins for 8km… 1 min faster than the previous run about 3 weeks ago… LOL.. must go more often… fat liao…

Raindrops are non-existence when…

Raindrops are non-existence to me when I am crying in the rain… cos’ I can’t tell the difference between the tears falling down my face or the raindrops drizzling down my face… I tried to control my tears on the trip back home from office last evening but I just can’t… Was feeling really lousy the whole day yesterday… wanted to wait till i go back home and then squat in a corner and cry but just can’t… squatting in a corner and cry is one of the ways I release stress and unhappiness… my friend asked me why squat in a corner & not sit on a chair… i told him it’s because crying requires alot of energy… and since there is no one to support you, the 2 sides of the wall supports you and ensure that you will not fall… though it may release stress and unhappiness for me, it kinda made me realised or feel that there isn’t anyone for me when i needed the release… cos there’s no one for me to cry on… maybe it’s not that I dun have anyone to cry on but I’m just acting strong in front of others (those close to me) and yet, the most vulnerable when I’m alone…

feeling alot better today cos’ the misunderstanding during the lousy morning yesterday had been cleared… it really hurts to know that one of my dearest actually thinks that I’m a heartless person who enjoys seeing others suffer… I dun give a hoot about what others say about me e.g. monster, bitchy etc… but I am very affected when ppl closest to me judged me as someone I’m not… I will get upset when those dearest to me say something about me which is not true… Because if they are so close to me, they should know what kind of person I am…

a lousy morning…

didn’t have the mood to work today cos’ had a lousy morning to start the day with.. but managed to get some work done… booked the tixs to Hello Kitty on friday already… can’t wait to go with Estelle and take lots of photos…

a few days ago, a cyst appeared on my left eye… i put the cream religiously on the affected spot but still it got bigger till I poked it with a needle to try to squeeze the pus out (but not much leh).. now a bit smaller but there is still something there and feeling quite uncomfortable.. must be due to heatiness during the deployment…

still feeling lousy… i think i will just sleep it through the whole of tonight and whole of tomorrow… maybe I will feel better after I wake up…

Paranormal Activity + KittyLab

Went to watch paranormal acvitivty because 2012 was sold out… It was very freaky… as freaky as blair witch, for those who can still remember… If you are not into horror movies, or are afraid to watch those scary movies, DUN WATCH IT… cos’ I’m still feeling the freaks after a few days… arrggghhh, dun know when the feeling will go away… still freaks me out…

anyway, found out that Hello Kitty has some exhibition for 35 years anniversary in Singapore call Kitty Lab… going to bring Estelle to go the exhibition on Friday… I went to the website and saw a sovenir I want to get… it’s a cute hello kitty plush which can vibrate, and light up on the cheeks.. very cute… hehe… can’t wait..

today is the last day of deployment already… provided it doesn’t extend… sianz… finally, it’s all over soon…

missed both of them so much…

tot can meet up with him for dinner tonight since tonight is one of the time that our schedule doesn’t clash… BUT… he’s sick… think he overworked already ba… plus he usually very busy with his family also…

Missed estelle really much too… can’t go over to see her cos’ she’s bound to not let me leave after the visit… and will keep crying…

few more days to go… and my morale is getting lower and lower everyday… and I am getting more depressed each day… trying to cheer myself up le but… i dun know.. just feel like shit… maybe i missed both of them too much ba…

6th day in hell week…

in the 6th day of hell week… getting really heated day after day at work… today went for a tan this morning and finally i got my needed tan.. whahaha… but my friend say that it’s not dark enough… fark… now my skin very itchy cos’ i think i overtanned… the sun was really hot near to noon…  think I will peel the next few days…

missed my guy… very very much… haven’t seen him for more than a week already… sigh… but it was great to at least hear his voice…

Christmas is coming soon…

Cracking my head to think about what to get for my guy for Christmas.. Actually already given him part of the present le… cos’ the other time, I dun know if he is going to choose me… and at the time, since I had already completed the ‘present’, I gave to him first, in case he didn’t choose to be with me… actually every Christmas I give him these… 999 paper cranes… they are made for him so that if he needs any wishes, he can use them by burning them and wish upon them… so to ensure he dun run out of wishes, every year will make for him… 3 years already… dun know if he used any of them…

hmm… think i get sthg small for him for christmas… last year got him boxers and it was the same day I got into accident… sigh… still dun know what to get for him… but i know what to get for him for his birthday next year which is in Feb… we always celebrate his birthday and valentine’s day together cos’ his birthday is near to valentine’s day… so usually celebration and present can slurge abit… hehe… hopefully they have sale on what I want to get for him end of this year… it’s a secret… hehe…

4th day into hell week… 5 more days to go… arrrggghhhhh….

2nd day of Hell Week…

Doing the graveyard shift… it’s only the 2nd day and I miss my guy very very much… miss Estelle very very much too… 7 more days to go… arrggghhhhh…. really tired… very tired… but guess it doesn’t help even if there are many off days after this event… it’s called burnout… i think I need a change of environment… sigh…

Saw VI

It was so predictable… I didn’t expect Jigsaw to be back alive and I was right… it was about the box that Jigsaw left for his wife and also his vigilante whom is the detective… Saw V was predictable and Saw VI also… thought it would be something unpredictable… but I guess ppl go watch it for the blood and gore… hahaha… anyway, I’m not really a fan… only caught the previous episodes cos’ my colleagues were watching them.. hahaha…

arrggghhhh… tomorrow on night shift… today was on morning shift and after morning shift, went to catch the show at The Cathay… missed Estelle and my guy… sigh… 7 more days to go…

Start of Hell Week…

Yes, it’s the start of hell week today… one week to go… I hope all of us can pull through… damn…

Had a great time with him 2 nights ago…

He cooked for me 2 nights ago… though it was not a lavish dinner or sthg, it was nice of him to put in the effort to give me a surprise… He didn’t tell me or anything.. He just went to the supermarket alone and bought some stuff while I waited in the car.. so when he came back with some groceries, I asked him if his mum asked him to buy and he said yes… after that, went back to his place and he told me to go up too which I found it weird cos’ my existence is still not known yet… reached his place and found out that his parents wasn’t around…

After that he started cooking and I kinda spend half of the night over at his place… hehe… but realised something… he took down the mickey mouse puzzle I gave him previously… so asked him where it is, he said he kept it in the cupboard as he adjusted some of his furniture and afraid that it might get broken or sthg… and also, his room is exceptionally tidy… well, I will just take it as that ba… I think that between partners there must be trust… I know he will not jeopardize our relationship by lying to me… and he will not keep things from me… I just hope that my trust will not be betrayed…

the mad rush of work is starting tomorrow… actually already started during planning stage but tomorrow is the start of execution… arrgggghhhhh.. can’t wait for my dec trip… and i need my tan… and I need a break… a good break with my Estelle so that we can have lots and lots of fun…

feeling neglected…

yes, by my guy… msged him this afternoon to see if he wants to meet up for lunch cos’ very long never meet up le (since last wed or thurs)… but he didn’t reply… I tot he might still be sleeping cos he’s on night shift tonight… so called him at about 4pm… all i wanted was to hear his voice and chat with him… but who knows?  seems like he was too busy to talk to me so I told him that i didn’t want to disturb him and hung up…

i mean, come on… no matter how busy you are, I am sure you can spare 5 mins a day to just talk… even if it means talk about mundane things… you know, just updating on each other cos’ you not meeting up.. but apparently, I am not even worth 5 mins of talktime… i mean, you can’t even shit in 5 mins… msged him that I felt neglected and not expecting him to reply… cos’ maybe deep inside i didnt’ want him to reply… i tot i should just let him know how I feel cos didn’t want to accumulate all the unhappiness inside… i’m not a spare that just cos’ he doesn’t have any appt with his family/friends then he come look for me… i mean, i’m like last on his list… but hey, he’s like 2nd on my list… 1st is Estelle of course… but at least he is 2nd…

i dun think he will msg me or call me if i dun msg or call him first… it’s like, i’m not even on his mind… it’s like he had forgotten about me like that… i dun know… i’m just feeling very lousy right now… and only if he knows how i’m feeling and he cares about my feelings…

haven’t seen him for close to a week already…

cos’ he’s busy with work and also engaged with some family stuff… hmm… dun even have much time to talk to him… miss him alot… tot at the heat of all the work, at least can even meet him for a while, think it will help alot… he will just melt away all my stress with his kiss… hehe… but guess I will have to relieve stress in other ways le ba… like last night, went to watch movie alone… when I was buying tixs for one, this time around, the ppl queuing behind me was like whispering to her friend sthg… I could barely hear it but I could see her reflection at the box office glass panel… she was looking at the screen, seeing that I’m only buying one tix and probably she said to her friend, ‘where got ppl watch movie alone de?’ cos’ her friend replied really loudly, ‘Why not?’ then she whispered again and her friend said ‘Sometimes I do it also’… I know what she whispered cos’ i’m psychic… hehe…

I mean, what’s wrong with watching movie alone?  You dun talk during movies right?? think I mentioned this before.. the other time it was the counter staff which gave me that kinda look when I was watching a romance movie alone… whahaha…

going to start shift work this weekend… sianz… dun know if I will be able to meet him cos’ our work timings are really whacked… guess I just keep myself busy with work ba, so wun miss him too much…

Jennifer’s Body…

Haven’t watched a movie for very long le… so during the weekend, saw the movie listings cos’ Estelle wanted to watch Caroline… But Caroline doesn’t show in the normal movie screen (only in 3D) at AMK so didn’t bring her to watch… maybe after my deployment ba… deployment for next 2 weeks is like no off days… morning, night and then one sleeping off… the next day morning again…

Anyway, went to watch Jennifer’s Body just now cos’ of Megan Fox!!! hahaha… she is so pretty… should be catching Saw VI this week also, if possible… whahaha… hmm… The show is alright but if you are not a Megan Fox fan, dun go watch lor… a bit crappy but well, Megan is the lead and she’s got alot of airtime on the movie… hahaha… how I wish I have a body like hers… and her lips, aiyoh… actually i think my lips are comparable to hers… hahaha…

ok… it was all the way firefighting at work today.. more to come tomorrow… basically this whole week is to tie up the loose ends and also rushing for those issues which are still outstanding… sigh… but I still have a massage session on Wed afternoon… managed to slot in a PM leave to go for a massage for relaxation… whahaha…

3 more weeks…

3 more weeks… before the pace of work slows down a little… but still, the pace is hot for me cos’ I still have lots of work pending… but so, need to clear this 3 weeks before starting the engine or at least, gaining some power back to get onto work again… and of course, there is a long break in Dec that I am looking forward to…

This week will be damn busy, tying up last minute things for work… yes, everything is not settled or ready yet… but no choice cos’ we dun really have much time to work with either… oh well, when there’s a will, there’s a way… hahaha… is that right?

Estelle just went back… she didn’t bawl too much this time around but today, before she even stepped out of my house, she was crying and kept hugging my leg, crying ‘I miss you Mummy!!! I want you Mummy!!!’ Sigh, when I saw her like this, I was really heartbroken… i mean, everytime I see her like this, I’m heartbroken.. cos’ i know she really means it from her heart… she doesn’t fake it de…

anyway, really dreading work… I hope everything goes smoothly… sigh… but then again, things will never go smoothly… miss my guy cos’ he haven’t called me for 3 days le… he must be busy… too busy till forget about me ba… sigh..