F1 weekend..

Wow… it’s finally over… Was tired out with work.. but fortunately there were the concerts to keep me going.. hehe… 2 more events to go before the end of the year… after the events, i still have my big project to follow up… sigh… nvm… i think i should stop complaining and just do it…

I need a long break… hmm.. when can i go for my hols? damn!

F1 Rocks on Fri night!!!

Went for F1 Rocks last night… they were featuring *N*E*R*D, Simple Minds, ZZtop and of course, the band that I went for, No Doubt.. I didn’t really know the songs from the first 3 bands… For *N*E*R*D, I only know one song which is dun know what ’she’s sexy’.. I dun even know the title… For Simple Minds, I only know ‘Alive and Kicking’ plus ‘Dun you forget about me?’ … whahaha..

No Doubt was really good and hyper on stage… There is this group of girls in front of me who were really hyper also.. Think they are high on alcohol… like acting so crazy… one even took of her top and left with a tiny bandeau.. and come on, she is so flat lor… also, she was getting on on this ang moh… like really desperate and getting onto him when he didn’t give a hoot about her… but maybe they are bf and gf ba… not too sure… but didn’t know someone can be so desperate… those are the real SPGs lor… whahaha…

well, tonight is Black Eyed peas and Beyonce… hehe… Yay!!!! Can’t wait… :P

Cash deposit machine

Last night I was at the cash deposit machine… I wanted to update my bankbook to check if the buyers of my hello kitty pearl cards had banked in the money… However, there is this guy whom is like 3 persons ahead of me, he was like hogging the machine…

the update machine has the cash deposit function too… so this guy was like at the machine and trying to cash in a couple of hundred dollars… sometimes the machine just doesn’t accept some of the cash because the machine can’t bloody read the notes… however, this guy refused to give up and kept trying for at least 10 times… reputting the same notes into the machine… Wah lao eh… I was like wanted to shout to him ‘Oei, haven’t tried enough or what???!!!’ but since the ppl in front of me were not making any noise, i decided to just shut up.. but the more I think, the more I felt that only Singaporeans will behave like this… i mean, come on, it’s not like you are trying with new notes or what.. it’s the same bloody notes… and you are dealing with machines… if it can’t read the first time, maybe you try the 2nd or 3rd time… but after that, you would have given up… he tried like 10 bloody times lor… *pengz*… I was like really angry at first but started laughing at this sight… Singapore lang (which means singaporean in Hokkien)… so typical…

Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection

Had started out on the Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection about 3 weeks ago… had also started exchanging cards, buying/selling extra cards over the internet etc… wanted to make sure I have the whole collection so made the extra effort… hehe… actually I saw the book first and Estelle didn’t… so I pointed it out to her and she wasn’t so interested as she was more interested in some other princess sticker book or something else… then I told her that I’m getting the Hello Kitty one… hehe… I guess she must have rub off the Hello Kitty interest from me since she was a baby… maybe if she is given a choice, she wouldn’t pay a slight interest in HK… okok, it’s me… though I dun label myself as a HK crazed fan, I think I have slightly more interest in HK than the normal human being… hehe…

Still missing about 30 cards out of 124 cards… Hmm.. dun know if I am able to complete it or not…

Anyway, spent a long weekend with Estelle… we had our first picking-of-angsana (is it angsana? it’s known as ‘xiang si dou’ in Mandarin)-seeds experience at St Andrews Cathedral yesterday… she had so much fun… I had fun too… i mean, yeah, yummy mummy and daughter picking up seeds from the ground… aiyoh… hehe… i think she loved them cos’ they were red in colour… we practically swept the ground of all seeds… hehe…

hmm… going to be a really busy week… man, when can I be less busy???

‘The Ugly Truth’ & F1 recce

Well, just to update on last week’s events… which I missed posting and remembered now…

Went to watch ‘The Ugly Truth’ with him last week… Katherine Heigel is pretty and the male lead is handsome… basically the movie is about how ppl fall in love with each other even knowing the ugly truth about the other person…  In the show, Katherine tried to act and behave to make a potential guy like her.. and eventually she got the guy however, she realised that she was in love with the male lead and that it was tough for her to pretend to be someone else to be in love… well, will not reveal what happen at the end but it’s a feel good movie… well, it’s great if your partner loves you for who you are, with all the good and the bad cos’ no one is perfect…

Ok, now about the F1 recce few days back… went to F1 pit building for a recce for the event APEC… however, because next weekend is F1, there was extensive work at the F1 pit building area… then while I was sitting down with another colleague waiting for the rest, we saw this group of ang moh construction workers… wah lao eh, about half of them were hot and handsome lor… aiyoh… see already cannot take it sia… moreover they were like carrying things and sweating and stuff like that, so macho… hehe… then after that, the site supervisor (also ang moh) but uncle type and fat, was walking towards the building where we were sitting, he saw me and he looked like stunned… I didn’t really bother cos’ I thought maybe that’s his look… or maybe cos’ what I was wearing (I was wearing something translucent and you can see my brassiere through my translucent top)… but i mean, it’s not uncommon for guys to stare at me… whether they stare at me cos’ i pretty or ugly, i dun really know… then my guy colleague commented ‘wah, he see until didn’t blink ah’… with that, then I realised that maybe I’m not over sensitive… hmm… oh well, whatever… i dun feel comfortable when guys stare at me lor… :P 

which reminds me of how ‘D’ looked at me last night… his eyes were sparkling when he was gazing into mine… missed him already… and he just said he loves me when I asked him if he does… felt better after he said that… was afraid that he doesn’t even though I could feel the love from him, so asked him… at least now it’s not just my wishful thinking…

Found myself….

Found myself tearing over him again… Series of events happened but still no decision from him yet… All he could ask is for more time… sometimes I wonder why I’m still hanging onto a hope that a miracle will happen… a miracle like eventually we really would end up happily together, with blessings from everyone… He thinks that I’m still bothered about him not turning up at the airport for the Phuket trip… though I did mention a few times about the incident, that I was felt totally rejected when I finally checked in alone… and that probably he didn’t love me cos’ he didn’t turn up for me… but if I’m still bothered about that incident now, would I even still have any feelings for him now?  I admit that I was so affected by it especially right after that incident… All I could tell myself was that I hate him and that I could better off with someone else… Everyday I faced the mirror and tell myself ‘I dun love him.’ to rid the feeling of rejection and hopelessness.. But after I found out about some things, I realised that I might have misunderstood him… and that’s when I also realised that my brainwashing didn’t really do much and that I should just accept my feelings and move on with life… to go through the phases of a heartbreak and move on without him…  

But I found myself loving him again after I found out that he still loves me… I know it’s stupid but how can you control your feelings… especially feelings so deep… Till now, I still love him, I do… and I have never blame him for what happened… I always believe that things happened for a reason… and sometimes things happened though you dun want it to happened…

I love the laughters we have between us, the squabbles we occasionally exchange, the hugs and kisses we share, the intimate moments we immersed in when sharing our innermost feelings… I’m starting to wonder if he loves me because he loves me or just cos’ he doesn’t want to disappoint me…

Should I continue to wait for a miracle to happen or accept reality and give him up?  It’s just 2 weeks away… I think I will wait for the last time…

Is it so tough….

Is it so tough for one to say he/she loves you?  I dun know… For me, it is not tough… For me, it just comes naturally and will say it whenever I feel it… there’s nothing to be shy of or about cos it’s truly from the heart… unless it’s fake then it’s a different thing…

My mum taught me one thing… she said that if you ask the question ‘Do you love me/her/him?’ to someone and if there is even a slight hesitation, it shows that the person dun truly love… maybe just slight love or simply liking… Because one will not hesitate if the answer is true… Though I dun agree many things with her, I have to take her side on this one… When my ex came to take my hand in marriage, my mum ask him the same question.. he paused for a while and nodded his head… he didn’t even say out the answer… After the session, I asked him why he didn’t answer, he replied that he was shy or sthg like this type of things you dun say it out or whatever… Which I dun understand because for me, if I really love someone, and when ppl ask me if I love him, I will straightaway shout out loud saying ’Yes!!! I love him!!! I love him so much!!!’.. when I love someone, I will want to shout out loud to the world that I love him with all my heart and all my soul…

Maybe we are Asians… Asians are not really into expressing their feelings… And cos’ I’m very ‘Ang Moh’ which most of my friends will say that I am a Caucasian borne with yellow skin… then maybe that is why I dun hide my feelings… I laugh whenever I want to, cry whenever I want to, scold whenever I want to, love whenever I want to… some ppl say that there is a perfect timing for such things, but then again, what IS the perfect time?  shouldn’t feelings be spontaneous?  Isn’t the perfect time always NOW?  Hmm…

Always say things that you want to say or things you want the other person to know… family, friends, lovers… doesn’t matter who… cos’ you will not know when will you not get the chance to tell them anymore… in short, treasure what you’ve got, before it’s too late…

still sick so Estelle not coming over

Still sick… so for this weekend, Estelle is not coming over… I wanted to bring her back actually cos’ I really missed her very much but my MIL was right… cos’ if I bring her back, she is sure to catch the flu bug from me de… cos’ we always very close… Hmm…

Anyway, think many ppl had been falling sick recently… maybe it’s the bad air or what… talk about bad air, I haven’t been exercising le… wanted to go for a run the other day but think better not since was sick… later collapsed halfway also nobody knows… :P 

F1 is coming… very soon… And loads of work is piling up… I was looking through my roster the other day and I realised that actually I could still squeeze in to catch the F1 rocks! concert at Fort Canning… Yay!!! I bought the tickets liao… $300/- for Fri & Sat night… The reason why I go to watch is because there is No Doubt (on Fri) and Black-Eyed Peas (on Sat)… My duty is off on Friday, Saturday day shift and Sun night shift… hahaha… I thought I couldn’t catch any of them but fortunately I looked at the roster carefully and thought maybe I can still watch at least No Doubt on friday and realised that I can go for the Sat night one too since BEP only comes on stage at about 2115hrs… which most times they are not on time, so if I rush there in a cab, i can still make it cos’ my duty ends at about 2030hrs… hmm… can’t wait…

No fishbone after CT Scan

Seriously, ppl might think that I’m farking lying… but hell, i’m not… I did the scan and there wasn’t any fishbone… doctor had tried to press on my tonsils and it was pain so she said that it might be inflammation of the tonsils… didn’t give me antibiotics since i was on antibiotics for my flu… hai… got to go back there again next thursday to see if the pain is still there… but fortunately, there isn’t anything unusual about my CT scan… tot maybe there is some tumor growth or whatever…

they should have done this bloody CT scan on the very first day… the first 2 weeks were hell… after that, not pain anymore… maybe the fishbone went down my throat after 2 weeks and i could still feel the ’shadow’ pain in the 3rd week cos’ the wound was healing??  dun know lah… at least now felt relieved lor… no fishbone stuck anywhere… hahaha…

my nose started to feel blocked already… think the flu bug is finally acting up after a few days of cough and sore throat… if i haven’t recover by tomorrow, most probably not bringing estelle back already.. if not, she also kena from me… hai…

Pain miraculously gone…

Today I tried to squeeze my nose muscles to see if the sharp pain is still there… however, dun feel anything at all… maybe it’s the painkillers which I had been taking for my body ache and my headache… will continue to monitor the pain so that can decide whether to go for the CT scan on thursday…

feeling slightly better today… but again, couldn’t sleep last night… anyway, managed to get some sleep till 9plus today and slept a while in the afternoon… no phone calls today and subsequently realised that my work phone may be down… it’s like I didn’t off it but ppl couldn’t get through when they call… oh well… dun know if i can get a replacement… sigh, if not, ppl think I purposely off my handphone…

I guess I will try to sleep earlier tonight… Have a long long day tomorrow.. recces in the morning and afternoon… Sianz…

Sick…. & fishbone ain’t out yet… Sigh…

Fell sick today… actually last night could feel it already however brushed it off and tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well… anyway, this morning also tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well and even wanted to go for a recce at 11am… but by 10am, i started to feel that my head was throbbing more than ever and that I was starting to lose my voice… even my colleague who didn’t see me in the morning, could hear that I was sick just by talking over the phone… aiyoh… thank god no runny or block nose… only bad cough, sore throat, body ache and headache… no fever also… on 2 days MC… hopefully by Wed I am okay because Wed I have recces for the whole day.. waaahhh…

even brought my laptop home so that I tot maybe I can clear some stuff from home tomorrow… took medicine and now waiting for the cough mixture to kick in and can have a nice sleep *cross fingers* hopefully no nightmare… shd have gone to the doctor’s this morning but thought I can tolerate for at least a day or a few days and maybe situation gets better… but I guess it doesn’t work that way… at least now with medication, situation may get much better by tomorrow.. hai…

thursday still got to go for CT scan… the pain is still there… my GP even ask me if the infection is caused by the fishbone stuck as I told him that they couldn’t find the fishbone yet… whahaha… dun know… see how lah… must rest these 2 days… got to recover by weekend so able to see estelle…

Pain is still there…

I doubt the pain will go away… been 2 and half weeks… still have the sharp pain when I squeeze my nose muscles… though not as pain as when I first felt the pain… and seriously, I am very very curious what the thing exactly is… whether it’s really a bloody fishbone and how the hell did the fishbone get stuck up in my tonsils??  All I could remember of the fish dinner was that I felt that I was swallowing the fishbone so I quickly cough it out however, it didn’t come out so I continued to eat… I felt the pain only after the dinner… hai… damn, must be because I was laughing at a friend to had his fishbone get taken out by a doctor… I was saying that how can an adult swallow a fishbone… The last and only time that I had a fishbone stuck in my throat is when I was 7 years old… but well, should have known not to laugh at others… now ownself kena…

Been having the weird dreams again… I hope tonight I will have sweet dreams instead of weird dreams… I miss him alot… anyway, we went out the other night and placed a bet over a game of pool… the one who loses will have to quit smoking… and obviously I lost cos’ he’s good… he always wins others at the open table so well… yeah, I lost… told him that once I finish whatever I have, I will stop… in fact, if he had chosen me, I would have stopped for him cos’ why smoke when there’s no reason to?  I gave it up for him once when we first got together… but picked it up again once things get a bit confused esp. when it comes to our status… so confusion plus stress at work equals pick up smoking again… I dun know if I will be able to do it again this time around… I hope I can… it’s going to be tough because I’m starting to feel alot alot of work stress already… and it’s just starting only… had been busy since Mar this year… had a break in May and supposedly was a romantic break but ended up heart-break… time passes really quickly… but when you misses someone, the time seems to be ticking away so slowly…

Weird weird dreams…

Had been having really weird dreams about me and ‘D’… and funny thing is, I can remember all the weird dreams… wun really give explicit details about the dreams but basically, dreams of him choosing me though we are not together now… even dreamt that we were in Santorini, Greece, watching the sunrise together… but then, the ending was that I died in his arms, watching the sunrise… :P maybe it’s the bloody nose pain thingie… I’m not really worried about what it could be cos’ the worst will be cancer nia… And I’m not afraid to die so really no issue… the only issue is whether those who are close to me will be able to cope or not… like estelle, my family and of course ‘D’… hai…

there were other dreams too… oh well… maybe will give details some other time… been really busy with work…

Mummy, I want stories!!!

Estelle always says that before she sleeps… she always insists on me telling her stories before she is willing to close her eyes to try to sleep… And seriously, it’s tough… it’s not the stories from the books but everytime, she will spot something in the room and say, I want a story about an egg… the main character of the story is random cos’ she just say whatever she sees or whatever she thinks about… so I will have to come out with a story straightaway… hahaha… not easy but I’m creative so the stories comes out really easy also… hahaha… and all the stories start with ‘Once upon a time …’ and they end with ‘… and they live happily ever after. The end.’ hahaha… what a cliche… but she loves them so…

went to the doctor again for the stupid fishbone thingie… i think it is not stuck in my throat but more of stuck up my nose… the pain is still there however, the pain will only come if I move my throat and squeeze the muscles in my nose… doc say that the bone could be stuck in my tonsils which is up in the mouth cavity… he also ask me if the pain is bearable as compared to 2 weeks ago… It is not as pain as previously so he told me to wait for another week and if the pain is still there, got to go for a CT scan… hmm… maybe it’s not fishbone… maybe it’s tumour?? well, what the heck… doesn’t matter cos’ i just want to get rid of the pain…