Keane’s concert…

Bought tix for Keane’s concert…  Can’t wait to go on 13th Aug… Anyways, seems like I’m totally dried out so haven’t been blogging much… Dun know what to write too… Thoughts are filled with lots of things… work… him… 2 more weeks…

Sexy lingerie…

Estelle commented something during the weekend and I kinda recall it when I was dressing up for work this morning…

Anyway, I can still recall when I was young, I used to ask my mum on why she dresses in sexy/pretty lingerie since they are all ‘under’wear and most times, you only get to see them in private… If I am not wrong, she replied that ‘for self to see lor’… whahaha…

Estelle at most times, is around when I am changing… so when I changed into my sexy lingerie (cos we were going shopping), she saw my brassiere and said ‘Mummy, you look very nice leh’… then I was thinking, eh, how come cos’ they all look the same, lacy… so I asked her why she made that comment… then she pointed to my brassiere and said ‘because of the pink ribbon in the centre’… whahaha… I bet next time she will ask the same question which I had asked my mum… hiaks! 

And there was this time when Estelle went shopping with my mum… think they went to giant and they gave out the promotion pamphlets and all… so during the ride home, my stepdad asked her what she will want to buy for Mummy… She looked through the whole pamphlet and after about 30 secs, she pointed to the pink panties and said ‘Pink colour panties’… my mum then asked why they wanted to know the reason why before laughing out loud… Estelle said ‘Because Mummy only have black colour panties… All black colour, not nice… Pink colour is nicer’… whahaha… when i heard it, i was laughing and asked Estelle again… she said the same thing however, she made the scrunchie face when she said ‘black colour not nice’… whahaha

Well, nothing wrong with women who are crazy over lingerie… I think it’s great for women to feel sexy about themselves, about their own body… always look and admire myself with underwear in the mirror before getting ready for work in the morning… whahaha…

Conked out last night…

Was really tired last night… my eyes were very heavy and my mind was totally exhausted… but was afraid that I couldn’t sleep though was sleepy so popped one pill… I think I slept at 11pm… yes, that is considered very early for me already… then again, after I woke up at 7am, still really tired and eyes were still heavy… so lapped up on the mascara and the eyeliner to cover the sleepy eyes… my eyes felt a bit swollen, maybe I cried in my sleep last night… think I had a nightmare last night again… yes, dreams are real to me so if the dream is real funny, i will laugh… if it is sad, I will cry…

Hai, when can I have happy and sweet dreams???  I think I haven’t been laughing or smiling from the heart for a long time le… it’s like even when I laugh or smile now, it’s all superficial… i mean I dun want to pull a long face in front of my family, friends and colleagues right?? 

I’ll be fine… just give me some time…

Wanted to go for run…

Wanted to go for a run tonight but sky didn’t look too good… looks like going to rain… anyway, really tired today… maybe I should try to sleep earlier tonight… 10pm maybe???  if I can… Hai… dun know is it cos my mood is low that is why it’s causing me to have the sleepless nights…

I miss him lots… but guess he will never know… 

Really really in extremely low mood… plus so much work… hopefully I dun slip into depression… hai…

Love forecasts for 2009…

Well, though the year is already in the 2nd half, I thought I just try this application in FB on love forecasts for 2009… see results :

Great Expectation
You naturally expect more from your relationships this year: A growing awareness of your own potential arouses your desire for a partner equally interested in seeking more from life. Visionary Jupiter in your sign indicates that you´re unwilling to settle for less than what you want. Additionally, serious Saturn in your 8th House of Intimacy until October 29 reflects the need to restructure your most important relationships. The limitations of others may force you to talk about making fundamental changes if you and a partner hope to remain close. If he or she is willing to work with you, there´s no limit to how far you can go together. However, a lack of effort will lead to stagnation and a loss of trust that can permanently undermine your bond. A Lunar Eclipse in expressive Leo on February 9 falls in your 7th House of Relationships. Expect powerful longings to connect with someone new or to go farther with a current mate. Yet dreamy Neptune´s opposition to the eclipse indicates that you may be projecting fantasies, so double-check your assumptions before you make any dramatic moves.

Wow, it scares me too… So correct at least till now… everything is so true in this… if you had been following my blog or those friends who I always keep updated, you will understand and agree with me too…

Went for this course today ‘Anger and stress management’ but well, come on, I learnt all these before lah… my boss even said ‘Yah, you should go cos’ you are always so mean to somebody’… pls lor… Generally speaking, I am not mean, in fact, I am a very patient person… but to certain ppl, patience has its limits… I really can’t extend the limit of my patience to that particular person… just too bad… for me, to vent out is better than to control… hahaha… anyway, I took psychology and I should know better in all these what… hmm… it’s really all in the mind… and it really boils down to what you want to believe in… the mind is really a powerful thing…

Obssessed

Went to catch ‘Obssessed’ with Andy and gf last night cos’ was too tired.. at first I thought that Cathay AMK was showing at 9.45pm however when I reached the cinemas, they told me the last show was at 6.40pm… Damn, maybe I saw the dates wrongly or what… Hai… then eventually we went to Bishan GV to catch the show at 10.50pm…

The movie wasn’t great… only great thing about the movie is ali larter, the girl from Heros and of course Jerry O’connell… :P hahaha… anyway, the show is mainly revolving around a woman who is sick in the mind lah… hope I’m not like that but seriously dun mind being as pretty as ali… hahaha…

Now waiting for Estelle to come over after her sunday school… hai, the weekend is really short… how i wish i can go for another holiday… just breakaway again… sianz… always looking forward to the weekends with Estelle cos’ she always makes me smile de…

Feeling down suddenly…

Estelle went to a wedding dinner with her Daddy so here I am, all alone on a Sat night… actually wanted to go to Orchard to do some shopping alone but think better dun go cos’ sure spend money de… so decided to just stay at home and rot away… msged my best friend to ask him out but no reply leh… so guess he’s busy ba…

I still can’t get over the fact about why someone can say that he loves me the most and yet didn’t choose me… anyway, wun talk much about this until 14 Aug ba… Hmm… dun know if I can last till then also… sometimes I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again… No worries, I’m not sucidal, just really really tired, mentally and emotionally…

Just feeling really unwanted…

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince…

Went to catch Harry Potter… fortunately able to get a seat somewhere in the middle… Almost all cinemas were full cos’ checked over internet… was kinda late and maybe missed about 5 mins into the show… Anyway, it’s good and I can’t wait for the next one… I think before the final installment, got to watch all 6 previous installments first…

haven’t been sleeping well recently… hai, wat’s new… i think for the past week, on average, I only had 4-5 hours sleep every night… still have alot of work on my mind… I guess it’s a blessing also… when there’s alot of work, less time to think about other things… Still waiting for my ups in life… what goes up must come down, what goes down must come up… i’m at the bottomline already, how come still not coming back up??? Hai…

Anyway, forgot to update the results of my IPPT… done well this year BUT still no gold cos’ I really can’t run… hahaha.. my timing for running should so far been the best for all these years… 14mins 12 secs… only got silver nia… aiyah, doesn’t matter, as long as I clear my IPPT, i’m happy… hahaha… no more tests to take this year lor… can concentrate on work now… yeah, too much work… TOO much work… one big cons of work is have to work with someone who is dumb and stupid and useless… hai…

just booked IPPT date… on Wed… Hai…

Ok… booked my IPPT date… 2 days later… whahaha… on Wed… hopefully can get at least silver again this year… actually dun ask for much lah, as long as can pass can liao… whahaha… no running tonight and tomorrow… rest till Wed then go and run like there is no tomorrow… whahaha… always the same hurdle which is the 2.4km jog… the rest of the stations is gold standard de, jus can’t run that well so in the end, silver nia…

*cross fingers*… once cleared, I dun have to worry for the rest of the year for these 2 tests le… last night’s run was smooth and fast… maybe already conditioned ba… :P  damn, always get butterflies in the stomach before the IPPT run… whahaha…

Hmm… busy busy this whole week… busy with appts also… whahaha… all the hot dates… :P no time to watch harry potter also… maybe next week ba… sianz… dun get the wrong message… hot dates can be with girls, family, guy friends etc… hahaha… not necessary appts with potential/interested partners are called hot dates de hor… :P  Hai… Bz Bz Bz… miss him…

had been running…

Yes, think most of my blogs are all about running nowadays… guess that is one of my stress reliever… also, training up for IPPT… cleared my shooting already so last one will be IPPT… This year I am 30 years old le so new catagory liao lor… whahaha… hmm, must go and book my IPPT tomorrow… faster clear at least one thing off my back if not my boss should harp me again… though he haven’t lah… but before he can do it, better go finish it first…

Was wondering when my life can finally go for the better… had been in the dumps for like years… since 2006???  wow, it’s 3 years in the dumps… though there had been some ups with *D*, it wasn’t really lasting… after that, it was deeper into the dumps… hmm…

had a great weekend with estelle… brought her to watch Ice Age 3 on Sat… we had fun together, just the 2 of us… GIRL POWER!!! hiaks… weekend was short… and it’s back to work again… another busy week… I wonder when will I say that it is not a busy week… damn!!!

Anyway, decided not to join any runs this year… Just received the invite for Shape Run but since I had been running regularly this for the past month… i think I dun really need to join these runs to push myself to go jogging… maybe I will join the Stan Chart half marathon but then again, the date (1st week of Dec) I may not be around leh… got the stupid study trip to UK/US (not confirmed anyway too)… sianz…

Ran again today…

Yes, went for my usual 8km run again… but 5 mins into the run, suddenly had stitches… the rest of my 50 mins were in pain lor… whahaha… think sweat alot cos’ of the pain… think I’m breaking down real soon… i mean at work… my boss commented that I shouldn’t be so mean towards one of my colleagues… I think my colleagues would know who it is… whahaha… say I should go for the anger management course… actually I can control my anger, just sometimes, some ppl are just so full of S**T that I got to whack him to wake up his idea…

anyways, I really dun know how to pull through in work… really really want to give up… esp now, so farking busy and so low morale… everything not going the way we want it… it’s not like as if we are not busy enough, everytime must have something extra… last year like that, this year also like that… hai… sometimes just want to squat in a corner and cry… whahaha…

too much things and boss keep going on leave… every month at least go on one week leave… then when he goes on leave, in addition to all my work, i still got to cover him… hai… how to work like that??? nvm… watever… the most never do well, kena screw nia… not like it’s the first time… when things go well, nobody say anything… when things go wrong, everybody got something to say… fark…

Uni Uni Uni, yum yum!!!

Think I’m starting to love Uni… For those who loves Japanese food, they will probably know what this is… it’s sea urchin… yes, it’s very expensive but it’s heavenly… first time I eat it, it tastes a bit weird… but after that, the rest of the time it’s heavenly… melt in your mouth kinda taste… taste of the sea and yet have a stronger taste than the crab… Hmm, there are ppl who comment how come I always like things that melt in my mouth like the orgas cake and ice cream… I also dun know leh… hahaha… probably can feel the texture from hard to soft ba… Eh, dun think dirty ya, you guys…

Had dinner with him just now… it’s been coming to 3 weeks but he still haven’t told me if he had settled his issues with his ex… actually he got back with his ex 2 weeks after we broke up in mid May… Did I mention this before??  He thought he was still in love with her but when he went back together with her, he realised that he doesn’t love her anymore because he was thinking of me all the time, even when he was with her… How do I know this?  Because I wrote him an email explaining why I picked up some bad habit again (not drinking lah) cos he saw me… then told him the reason why like cos’ of work stress and stuff, and it still hurts thinking about us… then he wrote back to tell me all those things…

Had mixed feelings when I read the email… I dun know if I should be happy or be sad… Happy cos’ at least he finally knows who his true love is and what he wants… sad because why did it take us to go through so much before he knows that I’m the one he truly loves… we went out and talk after that… I told him that I’m still moving on alone now, esp when he’s still not done with his ex… deep down, I know he wouldn’t bear to hurt her just to be with me… so seriously, i’m not hoping much or at all… that is why I’m still moving on alone, till he joins me… if he does, it’s a bonus, if he doesn’t, at least I’m still moving on… I told him that he will probably have to try really hard to get me back because it doesn’t mean that I will accept him back even if he wants to patch up… and I told him if he takes too long, I may be attached to someone esle le, who knows?  I’m not short of suitors you know… :P

We are still going out… but only about once a week… told him that I will always try to meet up with him at least once a week cos’ I dun wish to forget about him after knowing his feelings… in fact, the email, I didn’t initiate it… he smsed me… if he hadn’t, I dun think I will msg him at all… I was starting to get used to not msging him… I think after coming back from phuket or should I say, after the closure after phuket, I didn’t msg him anymore… I treated him just like close friends ba… but didn’t want to msg him too often, cos was successful in ridding the bad habit…

I told him that this will be the last chance for him, if he ever wants to patch up again… this is the last try… if he is to let me down again, that’s it… I know some of you may think why I’m giving him all these chances again and again… I felt sincerity in his email and felt his regrets… I dun want him to live in regrets… so even if he were to not choose me again, at least he will feel better not living in regrets… he shouldn’t be regreting since he had a second chance to make the choice again… no need 3rd or 4th chance after that… cos’ he shouldn’t have any more regrets after the 2nd time… He knows how impt this is, to both of us… so I think he will make the choice that he wants…

Maybe the last time I gave up too easily… I could have fought for him but I really didn’t wish to see him miserable… I really felt that he had so much in his mind, so lost on what he should do or not do… to make things easy for him, I lead him on, with my questions… I felt that he didn’t really want to be with me cos’ we were really struggling as a couple… he looked miserable with me… anyway, yeah, I knew he was confused about our relationship and its future… but for me, it was clear… I had directions but for him, he was lost… so my questions were to lead him to breaking up, or at least make him say things to allow myself to leave so that I wil not have to wait till the day he tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore… it still hurts when I think back… but it’s over anyway…

Well, I’m just me… Too nice a person… esp to ppl I loved and love…

Shopping!!!

Had some S**T at work… things aren’t going so well for me at work… really up to my neck and more work piling up (cos other ppl’s work fell in my lap)… seriously, up there to my neck, going to drown really soon already… hai… but no worries, I will go through this… it’s like the business never stop at all… no lull period at all… hai… dun talk about how busy I am le.. talk already also sianz…

Anyway, went for my test shoot this morning… Yes, finally marksman again… after I missed marksman last year by 1 point… hahaha… oh ya, saw my diving buddy at the range… called him but he didn’t hear me… ya rite, dun know if he purposely ignore me or not… hahaha… after that he msged me and apologise… kns… nvm, at least I earn a treat for dinner next time… hahaha…

Actually today need not go to work cos’ we are working for alternate days this week, however, went back to office to clear some work… and work till 6pm… hai… wanted to leave much earlier but the longer I stay in office, the more work in my face… and got to move office somemore… will still be holding the same post however office space is somewhere else… Damn, hate to move and someone else is going to use my precious office… hai…

Since wasn’t feeling so good, thought of going shopping since I wanted to go for the Zara sale and buy some SKII stuff.. so went to vivo… Saw a really jude pair of shoes at Zara but no size for me… sianz… the smallest they have is 37, I need a 36… so in the end, didn’t get anything from Zara… shopped around and got a cool jacket & dress at Mango… hahaha.. then got a bag from M)phosis… :P  and got my things from SKII… no more shopping for me this month already… hahaha… actually was trying to shop for shoes but didn’t see any nice ones… hai… had been looking for shoes for very long le… can’t seem to find the right ones leh…

anyway, haven’t been blogging cos’ busy.. and probably not in the mood to also… nothing seems to go well for me… personal, work… all sucks…