sick over the weekend..

I think I had been sick 4 times for the past month… had to send Estelle back early on Sat cos’ I was running a fever and had a bad cough… afraid that I might pass the virus to her so sent her back to her Daddy’s house… Went to see doc and doc said that it’s the flu… if I have difficulty in breathing or my fever persists, then I will have to go to the hospital…

Missed Estelle… felt so bad that after 2 weeks finally get to see her but only for a while… Nvm, next week, I will spend one whole week with her… cos’ took leave to spend some time with her 8th - 12th on leave…

hope it’s not the swine flu… though there are no cases at Phuket however, the place is throng with lots of ppl from everywhere of the world… hmm… can’t afford to fall sick with the swine flu also cos’ not only I can’t see Estelle and I still have lots of work to do… hai…

loading up on the coconut water, blueberries, cooling water plus grapefruits etc… bo pian already… hopefully all of them work… okok… I got to go rest already…

finally some closure…

Met up with D* just now for dinner… I had great fun with him, just like old times when we were good friends… bitching around, making fun of each other, best of all, both of us were smiling… I asked him out for dinner because I know that he was kinda avoiding me cos’ he dun know whether I’m ok if we are still friends… so called him out as a fren, just to clarify that we can still be best of frens… I already lost a boyfriend, I dun want to lose another friend…

I wun say it’s not hurting now… but when I think about it, at least there are no more tears… It still hurts and yes, I miss him… but I am sure the feeling of heartbroken will go away with time… 

Phuket alone time did some good for me… kinda think about things through and moved on… was shutting close the heart so that heart will not hurt anymore… now my heart is locked and I had thrown away the key into the ocean… hiaks… no one will ever find the key again…

he asked me why I gave him back the gifts that he gave me while we are together… I had asked a fren to help me pass them to him after I left for Phuket… it is still too painful now to look at it… I am sure I will tear if I see them… He says he will be keeping them for me because they meant sthg, mementos of our once-been relationship… I told him that I will take it back from him when I am sure that I will smile after I look at them… but, not now…

I think I made some progression which is I am able to smile when I saw him… not cry or tear… which is quite good… To think back on our relationship, there was only love throughout, except for the hurt at the end… we didn’t have any big quarrels or arguments or unhappiness, so it was a good relationship… I think very soon, I will be able to look back and smile… I guess I will need time nia…

I am very sure that I will be able to sleep peacefully tonight… Life goes on for me… This time around, I am walking ahead on my own… Most times it gets lonely but I know I can do it…

first day back at work… Hai…

Wah… cannot take it… away for so long, so much backlog… worked late… fark… can’t believe that it is going to be busy busy busy busy till end of year… Hai… really feel ‘Under Pressure’ at work today… everyone see me, straightaway ask me something about work… aiyoh, *faint*… can’t they do without me really??? :P  no one is indispensable here mah…

sianz… gg for a drink later just to relax… really need the drink… hmm… no worries, I not alcoholic… didn’t touch alcohol and melatonin last night… was conked out by 1am I think… my tattoo starts to feel sore again… but well, you got to suffer to look nice right??? hiaks!!! love it!!!

AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Work… Sigh… only can sigh… dun know if I can pull through till end of year… fark…

8th Day & Last day in Phuket

8th day in Phuket was kinda the last day since I had to leave Phuket on the 9th day at about 9am… So as usual, breakfast, coffee, internet, massage, back to hotel for last minute tan and swim… 2 ang mohs kept staring at me at the pool… should be from france or somewhere there cos’ they were speaking ‘Je ne pas… ‘ whatever shit… think they wanted to approach me but I left after quick tan and swim… it was really hot and sunny… my skin already couldn’t take it le… went back to room to bathe and to finish up my beer (realised that I still have 5 cans left)… finished 4 cans, wanted to go for a last foot massage however, while I was walking along the street, this ang moh guy said ‘Hi!’ to me and I smiled and walked away… after that, a few seconds later, I felt a grab on my arm… this ang moh was walking beside me and asking me if I’m a Thai or whatever… so from there, we made friends and went for a beer and stuff like that… His name is Tim and he’s from Toronto Canada… His friend is Sam, same from Toronto Canada… Anyway, I wun describe what happened in the rest of the night… but I DID GO FOR MY TATTOO APPT!!! Yes, I got my tattoo!!! still feel sore at the area… ouch… definitely more painful than my old one, maybe due to the size.. but well, the heart shape is really nice wor… next time take picture then I post… Hee… anyway, still trying to post the pictures on facebook… wow, really slow sia… lazy to resize also.. hai… i think I will take a few days or weeks to post all… total I think I took about 400 photos??

was tired and even though LOST season 5 was showing on TV, (Damn, wanted to keep awake to watch it)… but couldn’t take it… was really very tired after a busy night… esp. the tattoo… packed most of the stuff… woke up at 5am to pack the rest and went down to check out at 6am… farker housekeeping told me that i opened a can of chips which I didn’t even open… I felt so kena cheated… but fark lah, just pay them the money… Was kinda pissed off really… then before I left, I told them if I wanted to eat the chips, I would have gone to the minimart beside to buy… comeon, it’s not like as if there is no shop nearby.. aiyah, didn’t wanted to make a scene… so paid and left for breakfast… then walked along road, see taxi and took taxi to airport… after that, flight back to Singapore and now here I am… at home… doesn’t feel good to be back in reality again… like work and being single again… anyway, didn’t forget about my court date set on 2nd june.. dun know if judge will grant request for divorce or not… hope so… already dragged very long le.. wow, i’m really going to be single-single le… It’s sad but, guess this is reality… dun think I will ever find my soulmate… dun think I can love again after being hurt so much… nvm, just put it off my mind… anyway, it’s good to be single… date whoever, whenever, go out with frens whenever, dun have to care about spending time with the other person or care about what you do will affect the other person etc… guess these are the perks… well, I think I should try to learn how to enjoy being single so at least, I wun be so miserable… actually i’m not miserable cos’ I’m single… i’m miserable cos’ I can’t get over the fact that he chose his ex instead of me… Hai… whatever, I dun have the energy to go think or care about it anymore…

7th day in Phuket…

Now now… starting to feel like the holiday is so short… dun feel like going back… hai…

Anyway, 7th day was alright… same as 6th day, just relaxing… morning went for breakfast, after that, internet and went for my massage… my masseuse actually gave me a gift… wah lao, so touched leh… later giving her big tip, quite pai seh also… anyway, went back to hotel and went for sauna… went back to room to relax… felt a bit hungry so went to big shopping centre, jungaceylon (or dun know what shit lah) to KFC to ta pao… the girl took the wrong order… I wanted the drumletts she gave me the drums… Hai.. fainted… went back to hotel to eat… fell asleep for a while… by the time woke up, 7pm le… went for my usual tomyam and went to the bar… didn’t have my cosmos cos’ it was a hot night… decided to try something with ice and it’s good… Blended mojito… Wow, so refreshing… Had 2 and went back to hotel… dun know why getting tired easily these few days… maybe it’s the sun… anyway, slept late again but sleep was good… woke up only at 9 plus this morning… and my sleep wasn’t disturbed… I felt that I slept peacefully… hmm…

Well, today’s the last day here… I will be flying back to singapore tomorrow afternoon… My flight is at 9 am plus… got to check out by 6am and leave for airport from Patong Beach at 6.30am… check in at airport at 725am.. sianz… dun feel like gg back to work seriously… but then really want to go back soon also cos’ missed Estelle and missed my friends… really hope that you guys could be here and have fun with me… Well, there will be a next time… but next stop for me, KRABI!!!! ya, maybe next year… hiaks!!! After that, boracay or sthg… or maybe maldives/mauritius… hiaks… well, maybe before my next posting, go for backpacking in Europe for 1 month or more… hiaks!!! no problem with gg alone now… I did it and survived here so I should be able to survive anywhere right??? Hee… I think most importantly about travelling alone is even if you dun know anything, dun act as if you are really blur… act as if you know the place and know everything, so sure wun get taken advantaged of or builled… yeah, I know I’m cool… hiaks!!!

Well, tonight’s the night… for my tattoo!!!!! can’t wait… my appt is at 7pm… man, i think it’s gg to hurt cos’ it’s like so many times bigger than my existing tattoo… but I’m quite sure it wun hurt as much as my belly piercing… that was hell…

6th day in Phuket..

Same old relax day… breakfast, internet, massage, tan and swim, sauna, hot bath… dinner and drinks… walked around and bought perfumes (bargained and paid 1/3 of price)… went back to room early cos’ drank too much during hot bath… :P bought something back to eat… slept early but after half and hour, woke up and couldn’t sleep… watch tv till 2am… hai…

today should be the same… I hope I can catch an afternoon nap though… haven’t been sleeping enough… dun know why I can’t sleep also… bah… probably alone so… I know with Estelle around, confirm I can sleep well… looking forward to a week of hols in Jun with her… I think I can have lots of sleep then… 2 more days before I go back… 1 more day before I get my tattoo… yoohoo!!!

Funny thing is how come I’m always cutting my hair and getting a tattoo when my relationships end with bf gg off with his ex.. I knew I got my butterfly tattoo and cut my hair from very long to short when I broke up with S* the first time cos he said he couldn’t forget about his ex… Hmm… now also the same… aiyoh, anyway, doesn’t matter… I had wanted to get another tattoo for some time le… it’s been 12 years… wow… that long huh… my butterfly also faded already… hahaha…

Hmm… will try to post the photo of me with my short hair… it’s not really short, probably at the neck length and I kept my fringe.. I can’t have short fringe cos’ look really ugly with short fringe… cut it short also cos’ D* said he doesn’t like girls with short hair… oh well, i think it will be better this way than… at least he wun get confused… hahaha… kinda not used to having short hair since I kept my hair for I think probably 2 years… guess when it has to go, it has to go… hahaha… 

sianz… how come no tsunami??  If there is, at least I will be stuck here for another few days… or maybe even no need to go back cos’ i’m part of the overseas team and continue my stay here to work… whahaha…

oh, I even ask around if there is any fortune telling in Phuket… apparently there isnt… so for those who wants to open shop in Phuket, my advice is open a fortune telling shop, be it palm reading or tarot reading or whatever shit, i think it will be the one and only here in Phuket, sure earn lots of money de… not like those bars and massage palours, you can find one every a few steps…  anyway, I think I shall force myself to have a nap later… if I can… damn…

Did I just cut my hair???

Yeah, I did!!!! And I look pretty and 2 years younger!!! YooHoo!!! You guys are going to love it…

5th Day in Phuket…

Hmm… one good thing about the 5th day is… I SAW ‘BECKHAM’ LOOKALIKE AGAIN!!!! At Starbucks while I was walking back to my hotel after massage… wah lao eh…

What happened yesterday.. morning went for breakfast, then went to starbucks to get my coffee, then logged on to update my blog.. after that, went for massage, after massage went back to hotel to prepare for my half day trip to Bond Island… that’s when I saw Beckham lookalike… anyway, went back to hotel to the sauna, sweat like a pig… after that had a bath and then went for my half day trip… the scenery is nice and took many many photos… my tour group was a bit small and there weren’t any cute guys so… hai… anyway, saw the sunset while on the longboat travelling on the waters… it’s really pretty and I guess the memory will always be there… well, kinda wished that he had been here with me cos’ he promised that he will watch the sunsets and sunrises with me… aiyah, nvm… just a thought when I was on the boat with no one by my side…

anyway, back at patong beach by 8.30pm or so… was farking hungry though had the worst tom yam soup at the sea village… really sucked sia, tasted like somebody puked inside… anyway, bought BK and went back to hotel to eat and drink… didn’t go out last night cos was damn tired… i think I slept late though… couldn’t fall asleep as usual…

woke up late this morning… at about 9am plus… the rest of the days here will just be relaxing… dun think I want to go anywhere le… gave up the thought of fishing cos’ later the ppl i go with not fun then boring le… finished posting 2nd day’s photos yesterday… now downloading 3rd day’s photos which is alot… i think 5th day one even more… nvm… slowly ba…

so funny… usually i walk past the same group of tuk tuk ppl cos’ they always station themselves at the same location… i think they have their own territories like that… then there is this man whenever I walk by, he will say ‘I love Singapore! I love you!’  hahaha… cos he knows I’m from singapore, the other time he guessed correctly on a 2nd try… yesterday got ppl ask me if I from China… *pengz*… fark… do i really look so Chinesy?? I thought I ang moh pai one… hahaha…

For those who wants to see the beckham lookalike… look out for photos in the 3rd day… at Maya Beach… hiaks!!!

Decided to get a tattoo!!!

Ok.. last night went to look around for tattoo shop… came into this small little one and decided to get one on the back of my waist, some tribal design with a heart in the centre… wow, it’s nice lor… paid deposit and arranged to do it on Monday night, just before I fly back… he quoted me 4500 baht, I bargained till 3700 baht which prob is cheaper if I get it done in Singapore… hmm… at least I learn how to bargain abit now lah…

So what did I do after I updated my status and blog last night?? well, I didn’t score any ang moh… hahaha… but went to the same bar again to have my cosmos… and then there is these 2 cute ang mohs sitting diagonally across me… aiyoh, can’t help but kept glancing at them lor… whahaha… bought a mango to eat too… everybody asking me where I from lah… oh ya, ppl mistaken me to come from Thai, Taiwan, Philippines, Korea, Australia… Very few got it correct the first time that I’m from Singapore…

fark, my face is peeling quite badly le.. this afternoon going to bond island… and it’s been raining since last night… wanted to sleep a while longer but early in the morning at 7am, it was so noisy along the corridor… some farkers were making a hell of a noise… i think they are thai tourists lah… really want to open the door and shout ‘Shut the fark up!!!!’ really got the mood to sleep then spolit by some farkers making so much noise…

sianz… another few more hours before my bond island trip… think i go for massage first then maybe go for sauna (dun know if working or not at the hotel) then get ready to go le… already had my starbucks coffee just now… still raining… hmm…

4th day in Phuket

ok, fourth day in Phuket is a bit boring…but at least I found the best tom yam soup… spicy enough, sour enough… Wow!!!! all I can say… the rest of the nights I am going back there… Hee… Now having Haagen Daz icecream after the tom yam soup… Heaven!!!!! Orgas already sia!!!

Ok, anyway, 4th day, woke up a bit later than usual… woke up at 9plus… went for breakfast, loaded 2nd days’ pics in facebook (so slow, power trip on me somemore) and updated blog… went for massage (as usual), after that, went for some shopping (bought Estelle shoes & gifts for colleagues) and then went back to hotel for a swim… alone then afterwards, some bloody Aussies came and afterwhich, some singhs (from UK) came too… i could clearly hear their conversations… bloody Aussies said that Singapore is bad… well, anyway, went back to room (couldn’t stand the Aussies) for a hot bath and came out in search of the best tom yam goong and found it!!! wow… after soup, had haagen daz icecream… hahaha… best of the best… hands down…

Anyway, was thinking whether to get a tattoo or go for fishing… fishing will be boring if the group I’m gg with is not fun… but tattoo… Hmm… dun know how much… later I go check it out… wow… was thinking of getting a tribal on the back of my waist… yeah, a bit cilche but hmm.. anyway, my second stash of alcohol finishing… must go and get somemore… okok, go and check out the price for tattoo liao… if not safe and not cheap, then I rather do it in Singapore… should I or should I not… Hai… it will look good though… :P on my beautiful bod… hahahaha…

3rd day in Phuket

Ok… forgot that I went to log online and massage for the 2nd day in Phuket… too many pics to post online and very slow… hai…  I see how many I can post today ba and the rest maybe tomorrow or what… hiaks…

Anyway, like I said yesterday, Wednesday was an eventful day… I went for a day trip to Phi Phi Ley, Phi Phi Don and Khai Island… So in the morning, woke up at 6am and then went for breakfast… after that, at 7.45am, the driver came to pick me… the van consists of an Australian family of about 6 adults (5 women and 1 man) plus 2 kids… I hopped on and driver went on to pick up another 2 women (belgium) from another hotel… the 2 women was late and so the Aussies were making fun and all that… anyway, they were loud and funny but I couldn’t stand their ‘Yeaahhhss!’ and ‘Mates!’ lor… wah lao, they really like to drag their yeahs… The Aussie guy (if I’m not wrong, his name is Aaron) was like making fun saying that the couple must be a young couple, enjoying their ‘morning glory’ and stuff like that… when the 2 women appeared, we all then knew it was 2 women and not a couple… So Aaron said, ‘Oh, then it cannot be a quickie’… hiaks!  I was just giggling in front…

So during the trip from Patong Beach to Chalong Bay, he was going on and on about some other funny things and stuff… Asked the ang moh girls where they are from and also asked me… So… we took a boat out (about 40 over ppl) to Phi Phi Ley - Maya Beach… the place where they film ‘The Beach’ by Leonardo Dicarprio… it was beautiful lah… took many pics… anyway, over there, spotted ‘BECKHAM’ lookalike AGAIN!!!! wah lao eh, I so happy and just quickly take his photos but pretend to take scenery lah… he was just sitting at the beach, relaxing… aiyoh, so cool leh, but I think he noticed me too cos’ I was wearing my damn jude cool blue hot pants wor… whahaha… took 2 snapshots of him…

After that, walked around… then there is this Thai guy (Yohan) who saw me… he was one of the tour guide group of workers of the boat that I am taking… Because before that, the main tour guide (Danny) had already asked me if I am alone cos’ they have to do a head count… I think probably they are afraid that they might missed me or what… Anyway, while at Maya Beach, this Yohan guy came to talk to me… and he brought me further into the forest to see a view of the back of the island which I think many ppl wouldn’t know there is this place lah… I followed him and got to walk across some spikey rocks and climb a large ladder made of bamboo.. he was climbing in front of me and cos’ the distance between each steps were quite large, I was climbing real slowly lah… Then he offered me a hand… hahaha… I held his hand and he helped me up a few steps lor.. After that take a few photos… and we were talking along the way… He was from Krabi but came to phuket to work… After that, went down the ladder again and he offered his hand again while we walked on the spikey rocks… so while walking back to the beach, he offered to bring me around Phuket island cos’ he owns a motorbike… I didn’t answer him and he say he is not charging but since I’m here alone and it isn’t safe for a beautiful lady to travel alone, he offered to be my bodyguard cum tour guide the next day… Hiaks!  of course I didn’t take his offer lah… I said No thanks and said that I would prefer to stay at Patong Beach since I would be tired after a whole day of visiting the different islands.. I think he was disappointed..

Went back to boat and next place to go was to visit the bird nest caves… took a few photos… after bird nest caves, we went to the Monkey island where all the monkeys were (duh! if tourists are to flock there everyday, that is the place to look for free food mah) took a few photos and then went to another location for snorkelling… Yohan came over to me and asked me if I was swimming.. at first I told him no then he replied, oh, but a beautiful lady with beautiful bod will look nice in a swimsuit (he said this in dribs and drabs cos’ his English not so good but what he meant was that)   Actually I didn’t plan to swim since I am really bad at snorkelling and I didn’t have any buddy… but saw some old ppl also go and snorkel and so, what the hell, why not…

You should see his eyes when I took off my clothes… And I was wearing my jude black bikini… (will take a photo of my jude black bikini later)  I know what he’s thinking when I saw the look in his eyes… hahaha… he came over to help me put on my lifejacket… I think I am the only one in the boat with such personal service but then again, the rest of the ppl had their friends or family to help out… went snorkelling for a while and took some photos… came up and fed some fishes while standing on the seat… I think Yohan spoke to his colleague about my ass or something cos’ they were looking at my ass while they were talking… anyway, after that, went for lunch at Phi Phi Don…

So during lunch, sat at the table with my van mates… The Aussie guy, so happenly, sat beside me… wasn’t arrange lah but well, i think he’s kinda cute but he’s married and his wife is also quite pretty… So as usual, he was joking and laughing and he took the chilli padi and asked what’s that.. I told him it was chilli and he poured half of the chilli and soy sauce onto his plate of rice… I was like thinking good luck to him… after he ate it, he didn’t looked as if it was very spicy but he did mentioned that it was damn spicy… I think he had been drinking since we started our boat trip… There was this time during lunch, his wife took the kids to the restroom and he was just asking us (me and the Belgium girls) whether we think he’s hot or what… whahaha… after that, he placed his arm around me and said ‘Oh, so you’re from Singapore isn’t it? (with that cheeky look) Do you have a husband or boyfriend back in Singapore? (I nodded my head) What the hell, it’s doesn’t matter cos’ I have my wife here.. I can give you a kiss for that.  Come on, I know you think I’m hot so give me a kiss’… The rest of his family were there and I think ang mohs are just so open lor.. I didn’t say anything but give a ‘whatever-u-say-but-dun-mean-i-will-give-you-the-kiss’ look.. He just hug me close to him and came towards my mouth… fortunately I turned away and he managed only to kiss me on my cheek… wah lao eh… after that, I was just laughing it off with the rest of the ppl… damn…

After lunch, went to another island call Koh Khai Ney or sthg like that lah… went there to relax and sat by the bar to have 3 beers… while having my beers, there were a group of guys (from turkey) came beside me to have some drinks too… One of them was really cute lor… aiyoh… hunky leh… a bit like tom cruise but he got a better nose… wah, get weak knees to see these hunks… hai… but again, I wasn’t approach… His fatter friend was just asking me a few things and that’s it… Hai… come on… what’s it with the cute guys?  Can’t they see that I’m alone and lonely… hahaha…

After that, went back to Chalong Bay and back to hotel… Now, didn’t manage to even say goodbye to Yohan anyway and that’s it for the part on Yohan… okay, this part is the scary part… fuck sia… how come I always meet the stalkers one…

So went back to hotel and decided to go for a swim to get rid of the salt on me… Went up to the rooftop swimming pool and there was nobody there… went into jacuzzi and subsquently, a few chinese guys (probably Singaporeans cos’ they really look like singaporeans) came up to take a look… I didn’t really notice that there was one of them who stayed behind at the pool… When I turned towards another side of the room, he gave me a smile…  I really refused to smile back cos’ he was not cute so only managed a weak smile… after that, I went out of the jacuzzi to take a towel and ashtray… again, at the corner of my eye, I could see him gazing at me while I walked past… fark sia… what’s up with men?  He then went into the pool and swam for a while… I smoked and decided to use the towel to cover myself cos’ I felt outraged with the way he looked at me… I then went into the pool to swim as he had went into the jacuzzi… While I was swimming, he said ‘Hi!’… Come on, I was swimming and probably couldn’t hear anything but I tot I heard him said ‘Hi’… anyway, pretended that I didn’t hear… left the pool for another smoke and then proceeded back to my room… I think when I left, he also left the pool and followed me… while I was walking down the stairs, I could hear his footsteps… I quickly went into my room and close the door as fast as I can so he wouldn’t know which room I’m staying in… but I think he managed to catch a glimpse… fark… about 2 mins later, I heard a knock… I didn’t bother but there was the knock again… I opened with the door latch on but couldn’t see anybody so I unlatched and took a look out… saw the farker walking away… *pui* must be him… I mean, how lame can he get… farking childish sia… only singaporeans like that lor… next time I see him and he does sthg funny again, I am going to fark him upside down… all the nbs and cbs sure come out… dun mess with me lor, esp when not cute at all… knnbccb.. hahaha…

After washing up and dressing up, went out again… for foot massage, dinner (in search of tomyam goong and that night one was spicy enough cos’ I specifically told the waitress that I want ‘very very very spicy’) and logged on to the internet to update friends… (friends worried about me so got to update everyday if possible) after that, went to the same bar for my cosmos… then went back to hotel… suddenly felt hungry, went to burger king next door to ‘tapao’ some fried chicken (good leh!) and then slept early at about 11 plus cos dun know why felt really shagged out yesterday… woke up a bit later today at 9 plus… was thinking of going Bond Island (island where they filmed james bond) and maybe a fishing trip… hmm, still considering lor cos’ I still have, let me count, 6 days to go (inclusive of today)… today I will just relax, do a bit of shopping (dun know shop what also, but maybe buy hello kitty things for Estelle) and swimming or what… looks like it is going to rain really heavily today… oh ya, yesterday there was this ang moh girl, probably same age as Estelle, really cute with the natural curls and all… Made me missed Estelle so much… Hai…

Anyway, ever since I came here, everyone ask me how come I’m travelling alone and y I am not scared or what… I told them I know taekwando… whahaha… stuff like that… only when they know I’m not weak, they will not try anything funny lor… aiyoh, the loading of pics really really slow… I want to resize the photos also cannot… they dun have the picture program here leh… hai… sianz… i guess slowly ba but want to show you guys how nice it is over here…

I think this trip is so right on timing… cos’ either I came here with him (to bond further and relax together) or came here without him (to hide somewhere and lick my wounds and relax alone and see all the hunks to realise what I have been missing out)… Hee… sometimes it does get lonely when I’m in the hotel, alone… but well, I think I am recovering quite quickly to my surprise… did I mentioned that I bought a book ‘The Rules of Love’ by Richard Templar… Read it and it does helps very much…

I think I have been settling for second best with ‘D’… and I should let go since he doesn’t love me enough (though he may care enough)… I will someday find someone who loves me as much as I love him… NOT!!! hahaha… better dun have that thought… at the moment, I’m enjoying singlehood really much, esp gawking at the cute hunks here… wah lao eh… dun think I am getting into another relationship so soon… I hope not… I can’t feel better now, like relieving this load of burden off my shoulder with ’D'… I hope his choice is right and that his ex truly loves him and treats him as nice as I treated him… All the best to him… and as for me, I’m pretty, have a cute ass and I’m hella funny kinda girl… who wun fall for me??? hahaha… joking lah…

2nd day in Phuket

Okay… let me recount cos’ this morning not free to blog… What did I do yesterday??? Hmm…

Morning was awoken at 7plus am by the renovation noises (one part of hotel was under reno)… went for breakfast, didn’t eat much… after that, went to starbucks for coffee… after that, went to the pool for swim and tan and yes, I got the damn jude tan already… hahaha… after that, went back to room for hot bath… Hmm… went for coffee again…

At starbucks, met this tuk tuk driver by the name of Mit… Managed to bargain abit (i can’t bargain for nuts), he brought me out to all the viewpoints in Phuket to take photos… after that, came back to hotel, dressed up and went out again…

Went out in search of the best tom yam soup… 2nd day’s tomyam wasn’t so good… not spicy enough… so asked for chilli padi… whahaha… i forgot I was in thailand… when I said ‘chilli padi’, the waitress’ face looked blur.. then I said ’small chillis, many many’… hahaha… added all in, the ang mohs beside my table was so fascinated by it and was thinking if I could take the spiciness… of course I can lah…

Anyway, after tom yam, went for a walk again, to take pics of night life here… After that, went back to the same bar I went on the first day to have my cosmos… but because I already booked for an island trip on Wed, I decided to just have one… anyways, the bartender wasn’t so good… the cosmo was too weak lah… hahaha…

Guess what… I met the sabretooth guy again… but wasn’t at the bar, he walked past me with his fat friend… aiyoh, hunky leh…

Went back to room for more booze and fell asleep earlier, i think 12 am thai time…

Okok, next post… Wednesday… Quite an interesting day for Wednesday… Hmmm…

1st day in Phuket

Wow, just saw a Beckham lookalike at Starbucks… Anyway, saw a ‘what’s the guy’s name - guy who acted as Sabretooth in X-men’ lookalike last night at one of the bars… he was with a fat friend and I think they are Germans cos’ they spoke German… Anyways, no worries, no guys picked on me… With my kinda face - smiles not given away easily, they wouldn’t dare… However, I think I spotted the sabretooth guy staring at me… when I looked at him, he quickly turned away… think he was shy lah or I scare him away… but wow, he is so cute…

1st day in Phuket was sianz… cos’ it was raining when I reach here… I reached Patong Beach Phuket at about 10am… After that, went to Mac to grab a bite cos’ haven’t ate for more than a day le… Still couldn’t finish my breakfast… Went to internet cafe to inform my friends that I reached Phuket safely and went for massage which is damn cheap here… then went to Starbucks for coffee and then checked in… Had a long hot bath with beer (woohoo!) and then went for a short tan (not much sun yesterday) and swim… after that, stayed in room before heading out at about 7pm… Walked around Patong beach (which is a damn huge place)… was looking for hard rock cafe but couldn’t find it… the night here is so different from the day.. All the massage palours miracleously turned into whorehouses… and the pubs are filled with all the ladies (reminds me of orchard towers & paramount hotel)… But felt so lost & overwhelmed by the nightlife when I was walking along the busy street where the rock city or dun know what lah, got all the pubs and disco on both sides of the road de… decided to go back to the stretch near to my hotel… went to subway for dinner (only could finish half of my sandwich) and then sat down at a chic bar for 2 cosmos… that’s when I saw the sabretooth guy… hahaha… after that, was tired and decided to go back to hotel, also because it was damn farking hot and humid and I had my hair down… fark… went back to hotel and drank… at 11 plus found myself craving for tom yam soup… ordered room service and the soup was good sia… forced myself to sleep after that… I think by the time I slept is 1am le… 

Well, since I came here, i am really loaded with nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, massages & sun… whahaha… just went for massage again… funny thing is how come all my friends were asking me to stay safe… Wah lao, as if it’s so easy to get laid here… whahaha… i’m not that easy alright???  well, unless maybe if he is a cute guy… but come on, like I said, I dun look like a friendly person… I looked like a girl who is ready to kill if someone messes with me… whahaha :P not many cute guys here anyways… if they are cute, they are always in company with their guy friends or girlfriends… hahaha… but alot of old ang mohs here and they always have the thai girls in tow… aiyoh, I think they can’t even communicate (most thai ppl here still couldn’t understand english), probably they use body language… whahaha…

Oh, anyway, last night I was wearing this short flare skirt with a tank top… The guys just couldn’t stop looking at me… one funny thing is those local men waiting for customers to ride their tuk-tuk would squat down when they saw me coming… I mean, come on, how lame can they get… You dun really have to squat down to see what’s up there lor… I mean, if I bounce a bit in my steps, you can see my ass cheeks already lor, dun have to squat down and see… oh pls… hahaha… hmm…

Downloaded the 1st day photos in facebook… anyway, just couldn’t catch the lighting in the hotel room… either too dark (without flash) or too bright (with flash)… aiyah, forgot to try the night function… shit…

Anyway, update 2nd day in Phuket tomorrow…

Phuket, here I come!!!

Think I am the only one travelling alone… wah, quite pathetic but hell ya, all the time to myself… I will just take this 9 days to nurse my wounds… suppose to be a romantic getaway, turn out to be a heartbroken nursing trip… hai… my mum still doesn’t know that I’m gg alone, if not, she sure dun allow me to go… She thought that I was gg with D*…

Anyways, tend to get nightmares these few days… hopefully by the first night I am in Phuket, will not get nightmares anymore… even brought my melatonin along, just in case couldn’t get to sleep… well, beer does help isn’t it… hiaks!!!

well, will try to keep updating my facebook and blog to let my friends out there know I’m fine… Unless there is a tsunami… hiaks!! I will be staying at Patong beach which happens to be where the tsunami striked on 26 Dec 2006… Hmm… hopefully over at phuket, no strikes or what cos’ heard that there will be some ministerial meeting or dun know what shit there…

okok… got to go to the boarding gates and wait le… if not miss my flight… ciaos you all… see all of you real soon ; )

2 more days to Phuket alone…

I guess it’s hard to let go but I know I had to… a friend used an analogy that my ex guy ‘D’ is like a used car salesman, even a ferrari will be treated as junk… I think maybe he doesn’t treat me like junk, just that he dun really want me… So now, I feel unwanted… Hmm, Phuket will do good for me ba..

It’s kinda scary going alone… I mean, I have never really travelled alone before… Besides travelling alone during the plane rides to and fro NY… Other than that, always had someone along with me… Probably this trip will make me realise that I can be independent and I can enjoy being alone… which means, I dun need someone to be there for me…

It’s hard to find someone who will be there for you… even if you want them to, they may not want to be there… The other day my facial girl was asking me how come I was going alone and dun I feel lonely esp during meal times when the other tables have at least more than 2 persons… anyway, I’m not afraid of that cos’ I’m used to it already…  I wun say I like doing things alone but more of, I’m not really afraid of it… And by being alone, kinda used the time alone to think about things, about life…

Should have realised that there will not be anyone there for me… The only person that I can trust is myself… When we were talking about stuff yesterday and when he said that I should give him up, he was crying.. I know it hurts for him too, but he will never understand how I am feeling… and I will never understand what he’s thinking… If he loves me and cares about me and if it hurts as much for him, why did he give it up?  He explained that some things are beyond our control, which I think it’s crappy… cos he haven’t even tried yet…

No point harping on this and that, what and why… because we made our decisions and we should move on with my life… I told him that he better dun regret his decision because once I give us up, I will be determined… he was the one who gave me hope in love again when I was so hopeless in love, but he was the same one to dashed it… I will never love anyone again… I am very sure that I suffered enough hurt all through these years…

Whatever happens, from the bottom of my heart, I hope he made the right decisions for giving us up and that his ex will treat him well and love him truly… As for me, I just hope that I will be happy again…

It’s officially over…

It’s sad, but true… I’m single again… 2 years of relationship is worth nothing… not enough for him to try at all… I should have seen it coming but as usual, being the stubborn me, I held out for a miracle to happen… which never came… I should have read the signs, that he didn’t truly love at all… I felt stupid & cheated… why did I trust him at the start?  now he says he owes his ex, what about me?  He can’t bear to hurt her, what about me?!  Is there really no man in the world who can truly cares for me?  It’s exactly the same scenerio as what had happened with T*… why did everyone chose to hurt me instead?  I will never love again… Love is BS… I should just love myself and Estelle and I think that’s enough…

I’m going to phuket alone on monday and it’s going to be alone time for 9 days…

I hope he’s happy about what he had done to me, to break my heart and smashed it into pieces…

Harrowing experience…

Estelle was vomitting about 18 times during the span of less than 2 days.. She started vomitting during early Sat morning… after that, brought her to the GP and was given some meds… after that, she carried on the vomitting and couldn’t keep the meds down… decided to bring her to the hospital on Sat night however was back home after she was zonked out… Vomitted again back home and on Sunday she was very lethargic and restless and kept sleeping, if not vomitting anything that went into her mouth… brought her to the hospital again on Sun afternoon and was warded…

Doc asked me if I am ok if she is being put on a drip… I knew it hurts but doesn’t matter because I just want her to be ok and not be in a position of dehydration… was very worried and it looks like we dun really have a choice… I even tried the suppository at home but it didn’t work…

Was warded however, doc decided to observe first before putting the drip as she could still take in water… but anything with glucose in it, she will vomit it out… Fortunately, didn’t decide to put in the drip straightaway as she stopped vomitting after she was warded… Dun know why also as she wasn’t on any med then… Doc says that most of the time, patient comes in at the worst state of illness (stomach flu/food poisoning) which consists of body reaction rejecting the virus/bad stuff e.g. vomitting & diareahea… so after that, once the virus is purged out, the body recovers…

Estelle was discharged the following day and was very lively… thank god… Was really worried esp when I brought her to the hospital on Sun afternoon… Most of the time she was sleeping in my arms and every second, every minute, I observed her vital signs like heartbeat and breathing cos’ I was really really worried that it could turn into something more serious… I dun know what I will do if I were to lose her… She actually smiled during her sleep when I was holding her… was so afraid that she saw ‘the light’ and that is why she was sleeping… I quickly tried to at least get some response from her by waking her up slightly… she didn’t respond straightaway but she did… however, slipped into sleep again… She must be really tired with the vomitting and sick with the illness plus no food and not much water intake…

She’s recovering and hopefully she will be fine in the coming days…

Feeling a little better today…

My whole body is aching and feeling really weak… Maybe it’s the medicine that makes me feel weak.. also dun have much appetite to eat even though hungry… whenever I want to eat, I feel nausea… Is the symptoms of flu or symptoms of a heartbreak?  Hai… 1 more week to phuket… So currently now, I will be going alone… Actually the trip was supposed to be a trip to celebrate our 2 years together however, things has to happen… 9 more days for him to reply… We kinda exchanged 2-3 emails cos’ we were afraid either of us just can’t take the heartbreak and just to find out how the other person is doing and to take care of themselves…  But with that, I also poured my feelings out… I told him this is the last chance for him to decide, whether he wants to carry on or he wants to move on without me… So if I dun hear from him before phuket, I will take it as he doesn’t want to carry on and move on with his life… If I do hear from him, I guess we will celebrate our 2 year anni over at Phuket…

I know what the friends are going to say again… but I am sure he is serious about me… I just dun wish him to give up without even thinking about us… Frankly speaking, I have no confidence with him at all… All along, I knew that one day, he is going to leave me cos’ he thinks I’m not the one for him… Even if he chose to move on with his life without, Phuket will be a chance for me to break off from him… 9 days without contact will definitely make a difference for me… It’s like each day I dun hear from him or see him, I just feel uneasy… So Phuket could be the phase of cold turkey for me ba… I dun know… why am I still holding on to this hope that he really really loves me?

How ironic…

Fighting to protect ppl from flu at work then ownself kena… Fark… Feeling damn terrible… But went to see doctor already and got 1 day MC tomorrow… hopefully can get better by tomorrow cos’ got to fetch Estelle tomorrow night… dun want to pass the virus to her… Hmm…

Sick still got to rush paper… sianz… now feeling drowsy cos’ of cough mixture… damn low morale these few days and still fall sick… as if it’s not enough with the heavy workload and yet not appreciated, plus heartbreak and now with the flu somemore…

 I guess this is just not my lucky month this year… damn it…

Hurts so much…

Msged him last night to end the relationship amicably… because I just can’t bear for him to come back to me and tell me that he dun love me enough for him to go through all the expected obstacles in our relationship… the more I think about what transpired on Monday night, the more afraid I got… afraid to hear those words from him… and afraid that I might just be hanging on to a hope which will eventually be dashed… the hope that he really loves me enough… the hope that he will tell me how much he loves me and that he is willing to go through all with me…

It’s hurting so much… time and again, I’m like trapped in phase… because I feel that our relationship had become more of a burden to him… I seldom sees him smile anymore… I think I said it before, take a step forward but then take another 2 steps back…

I love him alot but I guess it’s time to let go… This time around, I wun count the days of missing him and hoping that we will end up together again… This time around, I will just count the days till I stand up on my own 2 feet again…

It isn’t easy but…

Just told him ‘Let’s break up…’ cos’ I find that he had been feeling really tired and miserable when he’s with me… like he isn’t happy when he’s with me… in fact, I felt that something happened in his life but just didn’t know what… after I told him that we should break up, he told me his ex came back and requested for a patch up… that was what I predicted previously… he said that he rejected her and I believed him… however, I know her existence in his life again made him even more confused… I dun blame him actually… after all, they had been together for very long so… but I told him as a friend, I advised him not to go back to her cos’ he was treated badly by her… then again, must consider the many years they spent together… 

As usual, being the Ivy I am, I chose to let go, so that things will be easier for him… It may be hard for him to be the bad guy to initiate so I did it… I initiated as things are very clear.. He just didn’t love me enough to go all the way… It’s sad but it’s the truth… He waved the white flag even before the battle is fought…

I know he doesn’t want to give up… one factor is he is afraid that I will not be able to take it… but I think I can, it’s only a matter of time… I tried not to cry in front of him, in fact, I was feeling numb… no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep the 2 drops of tears streaming down but that’s it… I think I did good than the last time… at least I wasn’t bawling and I tried to make the whole incident to be a good one, a amicable one to the least… I even tried to make the whole thing light-hearted… I just didn’t want the memories to be bad ones… I mean, after all, we were once together before…

He said he needed time to think it through…  I told him that it is okay that I go Phuket alone… I think I will just prepare myself that I will go to Phuket alone… I know no matter how much time he use to think, the answer will still be the same… the love he have for me is just not enough… I told him that there is nothing much to say seriously, because I had put in the effort in this relationship and if what I put in isn’t enough for him, then just too bad for me… just take it that I made the wrong investment (analogy - bought the wrong minibonds like Lehman Minibonds) or placed my bets on the wrong horse…

enough said for the blog… bet you friends out there will hear more from me soon.. hiaks!!  Certainly wasn’t easy but I’m ready, to give it up…

2 more weeks… more work…

Had to stay back to work till 1am I think on Thursday night… had been receiving phonecalls from work on Fri and a few on Sat… however, today was peaceful… but expecting lots of work again tomorrow… it’s like we are fighting a war… damn… come to think of it, there is nothing much we can do about swine flu… really…

On thursday, it was nonstop work from 9am till 1am… wow, that’s like 16 hours of work non-stop… I have to run to go to the toilet… it was a bit better after 9pm as it wasn’t as busy during the night… but still… Hai… I guess there were ppl who were working as hard I guess… but over at my office, think there were only 3 of us working that hard… sometimes get pissed off when others dun work as hard or dun even bother when they are asked to do some things… If it wasn’t urgent, I wouldn’t keep barking at them to do it right??? 

Hai… Really pray that work gets done well… really dun wish to screw up… but there is only so much I can do and so many ppl to assist me (which brings me to about 1 guy)… yes, I am that short of manpower but I dun get more manpower when I ask and there isn’t any for me to ask for from the start…

Estelle fell sick over the weekend… dun know why she always fall sick when she comes over… hai… is it me??  I wasn’t sick… in fact, I think I am getting the flu bug from her… starting to feel the headache… hope she gets well really soon… Man, this is going to be worse than SARS… at least when it was SARS, I wasn’t doing what I’m doing right now… *pui*…

enough said… think I should go get some sleep to be at least well rested for more work tomorrow… Hai… Damn… I think I need my melatonin…