So much work… Headache

Wow, can’t believe there is so much work awaiting for me to do after I come back…  had been having a throbbing headache since morning… think I need an ice cold beer… Man… Stressed ah!!! Hai, nothing new anyway…

so much work, so litle time… everything also urgent… but not too bad, my emails only hit about 200 for the past week when I wasn’t around…

sat the bus and on my way home, as usual, went past my JC and kinda missed the times when I was studying… then, there wasn’t other life pressures and the only pressure was to study hard and make sure I make the grades… the older you get, the more pressures in life… to those who are still young (not those young at heart though!), enjoy the times you have now… hahaha… like how I enjoyed the hella of a time when I was young.. :P Hee!!! 

I need to rest my brain… I think I got stoned just now while watching ‘So you think you can dance’… that’s the show on TV when I on it so just sat there and got stoned… usually I dun watch that anyway… hahaha… really mentally tired… hope I can fall asleep by midnight tonight, after my ‘LOST’… dun even know if I have the capability to understand today’s episode with my state of mind right now… last night I only fell asleep at 2am… damn!

Back to work tomorrow

Just sent Estelle back… She did the crying thing again today… Plus some screams… Hai.. So sad.. Missed her terribly this time when I was at Koh Samui, dun know why too… maybe because I get to see other kids at her age over there too… Bought her some dresses and I bought identical dresses myself… Hiaks! next time can wear the same clothes with her lor… Hee… Like mother like daughter mah… :P
Back to work tomorrow again… I think my email confirm at least 500 emails… Definitely using the whole morning to clear… Think already also sianz… Hai…
Haven’t been jogging for a week or so le… Think better start soon… wanted to run tonight however it looks like it is going to rain so, rest for another day… Hee.. Fat le leh… it’s like, if I dun run for a day, the fats will spill over… hahaha…
My skin is peeling like crazy especially the skin on my face… No matter how much I scrubbed, the peeling skin just doesn’t come off… Man, I’m going to look real ugly tomorrow… :P Hee, doesn’t matter cos’ nobody will look at me anyway… Hiaks!
1 week seems so short whenever you are enjoying… but for work, 1 week seems so long… It’s like struggling every day to get through the work week…
Hmm… thought of bringing Estelle to the beach next week… provided it’s not too hot or raining and that I am not on duty… Hai…
Couldn’t sleep last night and only slept at 3.30am… maybe because I wasn’t used to the sleeping conditions back here compared to Koh Samui… Hee… And of course, Estelle was her usual self, taking up so much space (2/3 of bed and I only 1/3) and then kicking me in my face with her feet etc… These 2 nights I am still dreaming about Koh Samui when I slept… Hmm… think my heart is still there wor.. :P Hai, cannot lah… must pull my heart back cos’ got so much work on hand and will be really busy from now till end sept…
I missed the sun, the sand and the sea..

Now at Koh Samui Airport

Now at Koh Samui Airport waiting to board the plane at 4.05pm and then depart at 4.35pm… The local time here now is 2.45pm… so still have about 1 hour or so before I board the plane and head back to Singapore…

Well, Koh Samui is a huge place and kinda rundown… The roads are so small and barely enough for one vehicle however, they are made to be two way… And first thing you notice about this place is : transport is very expensive over here… so the further away you stay from the airport, the more expensive you pay for the taxi fare…

First day when I reach here was at night… I reached Koh Samui at about 9pm plus and I did not request any airport transfer so got to take a cab… The fare costs about 800 Thai baht which is about 35 dollars??  S$1 = 23/4 baht… anyway, the consolation is that the room that I requested was exactly the same in the pictures… and I was glad that the bathroom has a bathtub… previously read reviews on the internet about the resort (some good, some bad) so kinda skeptical about it… I thought maybe there isn’t any seaview though I booked a seaview room… It was too dark to see so got to wait for the next morning…

2nd day woke up and yes, saw a bit of the sea from the bed… though not much cos’ view was mainly blocked by the greenery, still you could see the greenish-blue colour of the sea… Headed off to Chaweng by the resort’s shuttle service (which I had some reservation problems in day 3 and 4 of my trip but well..) and went for some food and look-see look-see… not much shopping to be done because nothing much to buy anyway…

Day 3 and 4 were mainly sun tanning at the beach and lazing at the pool… Didn’t really get to go skinny dipping because well, didn’t managed to stay up till so late in the nights… Anyway, I remembered that I did some skinny dipping before back in Singapore at a private apartment’s swimming pool… Nah, would not describe that incident… hiaks! so doesn’t really matter if I did it this time or not…

Oh, and yes, the beach… I haven’t been to the seaside at Chaweng or Lamai beach… I had stayed at Hua Thanon beach where my resort is… the water is clear however, it is a bit muddy-ish maybe because about 50 metres away from shore, there is a wall of dead corals between the sea side and the sea… I had walked further down the beach however, the wall of dead corals do not end and is as far no matter how far I go along the beach…

I had tried to go to the wall of dead corals at one portion of the beach by walking on the corals… but I didn’t go all the way to the end because I believe it has to be very deep because you can’t see the bottom part, it’s like a drop off type of cliff in the sea… Maybe it’s because of the dead corals, there isn’t much fishes like those in Tioman… Probably Redang will be a nicer place…

Only nice thing about Koh Samui is that you can see the horizon and there are no islands blocking your view etc… and the sea is greenish blue in colour… Should have gone to the sea side of Chaweng and Lamai to see if the beach is clearer or nicer… well, maybe next time come again but must go diving lor… if want to kick back and relax and be at a place which is not crowded, I think the resort that I went is good… only bad thing is that it is far away from other beaches and transport is expensive… other than that, it is a very quiet and relaxing place…

Overall, nice trip over here… weather is HOT!!! though there were some thunderstorms during the night… 4D/4N probably a bit short… could have stayed a bit longer because there were other beaches to explore…  Hmm… Will post some pics when I go back home and download photos… Another few years before I come back to Koh Samui ba, because next time I want to go to PHUKET, KRABI + phi phi islands… Hee…

Next trip in Sept : REDANG, HERE I COME!!! well, got to start planning again… and man, will be really busy after I go back cos’ AMM and NDP coming… Hai.. sad, it’s back to work again…

1 hour to take off

Now in the gate D35 at Changi Airport Terminal 1… Still have less than an hour to go before the plane take off… so now at the waiting area, waiting to go on board… Got a bit of time so logged on to write something first… Hiaks!

Today received many messages from friends… ‘Enjoy my trip and take care!’ type of messages… Hee… Yes my dear friends, I will… This is the first time I actually planned a trip myself, including buying of air ticket and booking of room so kinda felt accomplished already… The more I should enjoy since I put in so much effort, like searching all the different hotels and to find the best ones etc… takes up alot of time and hope that it’s worth it…  Hmm, will take many many pics… be trigger happy again this time around especially with such nice scenery over there…

okay, got to go… ppl waiting to use the computer… anyway, not much ppl waiting to take plane also… hiaks!   

7 more hours to Koh Samui

Okay, this will be my last blog before I really go over to Koh Samui… Prepared everything, now waiting for another 3 hours before going to airport… Hmm…
Anyway, just want to say ciaos!!! See ya guys real soon…

24 hours to Koh Samui…

This may be my last blog before I leave for Koh Samui tomorrow evening… Hahaha… the same time tomorrow I will be flying off in an airplane towards my beautiful beach full of sun, sand & sea… Hiaks!!!

Starting to miss Estelle though… Even though I purposely arranged to go overseas during weekdays so that my plans with her during weekends will not be disrupted, I just feel some void when I am away from her… the further the distance, the bigger the void… Told her that I will be going overseas in an aeroplane and that I will bring her overseas too when she grows up… She did not object me going and nodded her head in agreement when I said I will bring her for holiday next time… She’s really very cute…

Packed my stuff already… Need to do some last minute packing tomorrow for those items that I am still using today… But still alright because my flight is in the evening so I have the whole day to do it anyway… Hiaks!  Need this break so much… Finally can get to relax, take it easy… Hee…

Well, will update my blog if there is internet connection there… if not, will post pictures and review my trip when I come back next Monday… Hmm… Can’t wait, can’t wait… :P I am just like a kid right??? Hee…

Countdown to Koh Samui!!!

Yay!!! Another 4 days to Koh Samui… Will be flying off on Monday night… Have yet to pack my stuff and change currency… Think will pack my stuff on Mon itself… Hope that I dun forget this and that… Most importantly, must not forget to bring my camera… must also bring my underwater casing so that can take pictures in the water…

After I come back, got to start planning for the next diving trip to Redang!!! Hee… After that, should be no more trips until next year le… Hmm… next year probably will drop by Hong Kong or Australia for shopping and have a few diving trips at nearby islands… Hiaks!!! See how first… Then maybe the following year go to Europe for backpacking… I love to travel because will get to see more of the world… the feeling of stepping at another place whereby it is halfway round the world feels really good.. at least get to see what’s over there and how it’s different from the familiar place we always see everyday… moreover, Singapore is only a small little dot on the map… Really love to see everything else that is out of the small dot…

Actually, I would have been a Japanese… I always tell this story to my friends… I went on a family vacation to Japan when I was 6 years old… It was at Tokyo Disneyland when I got lost… I couldn’t find my family and I just stood at one spot and I cried… I think I lost them because they were moving around taking pictures and I did not noticed that they had moved to another spot for photo taking as I was mesmerized by the flowers at the first spot… after I was satisfied watching the flowers, I turned around and they were gone!!  I called out for my mum but there was no response and it was really crowded… I remembered that at that time, it was going to be dark and that was our last stop in Disneyland… After about 10 minutes, my family came back to look for me…

If I had lost them, I guess I would have been stranded in Japan… Then maybe now I will dating some cute and handsome Jap guys who look like Takuya Kimura (I think he is the most handsome and charming person in the world!!!) Hiaks!! Hmm… Singapore is a nice place but I think Singaporeans are getting too comfortable and sheltered here… And because Singaporeans are actually immigrants from other countries, we do not have an original Singapore culture here… it’s all mixed up… unlike other countries, whereby their history goes all the way back to BC, they have their unique cultures which makes them really special…

In fact, I previously had a thought to go to the States to work after I graduate from uni… Guess what I want to be??  Hee… something similar to what I’m doing now lor… hahaha… I wanted to be in the FBI leh… Wow!!! So typical of me… But to my disappointment, they only recruit officers who are US citizens… Too bad then… If not, I would have been living my life on the edge, knowing that I may die anyday during tour of duty… :P  That would be so exciting too, right? 

Well, I’m here right now… It’s fun to think about what life would be if events that happened and decisions that were made in the past, went the other way instead of what actually happened, life will be different…  But I also thank God for where I am right now… It’s been coming to close to 30 years of my life and probably I have another 30 more to go… Had been a rollercoaster ride for the 1st 30 years, will the ride be rougher for the next 30 years?

What is Love? Chapter 39

Just started half of the first episode of ‘A song to the sun’… Another Jap love drama, I think… Hmm, dun know this one will be nice or not… Hope it’s also very sad and touching type lor… :P another 4 days to Koh Samui!!!

Bought 2 books from Stephen King to read at Koh Samui… Hee… can read and relax at the beach… Wah lao, can’t wait!!! Oh yes, I am a fan of Stephen King… I think his stories are so superb because he dun just deal with horror but more about twisted and unpredictable states of human minds… That is what I like about his books… I always have a deep interest in human minds and am always in awe of how extreme they can get… Hmm, no worries… I do not have a twisted mind… Hee…

Sorry to change the subject but It’s nice to fall asleep and wake up in the arms of the person you love… Dun you all agree?

Chapter 39

Letter 1 – to my angel baby

To my dearest Baby Number 2,

            Mummy just finished writing to your older sister a letter.  Now Mummy is writing to you.  You do not have to feel jealous because Daddy and Mummy will treat you equally.  Well, only if you behave like a good baby and child like your older sister.  I guess your temperament will be the same as your sister since you are also the flesh and blood of Daddy and Mummy.

            You are still not formed yet.  Previously, you are just a heartbeat in a tiny cell.  Mummy’s next checkup is on Monday 13.02.06.  Hopefully by then, Daddy and Mummy will be able to see you formed as least with a shape of a bean. 

            Don’t know if you will be a boy or a girl.  Actually Daddy and Mummy do not mind at all, so long that you are healthy.  Anyway, Mummy already thought of a name for you.  If you are a boy, you will be called Ethan Teo (Zhang Shi En).  If you are a girl, you will be called Elise Teo (Zhang Shi Qing). 

            You are Mummy’s second pregnancy so Mummy knows what to expect as Mummy had been through one previous pregnancy.  This time around, Mummy has yet to develop the morning sickness.  However, Mummy feels tired easily as like previously.  If I am not wrong, you should be about 2 months old.  Anyway, the EDD and your age will be confirmed on Monday.  Mummy should be having diabetes during pregnancy so I want to apologize first for not being able to eat everything to let you have a taste of them too. 

            Baby 2, you are still not showing in Mummy’s stomach because you are still very very tiny.  But soon, you will be growing really fast and Mummy will be a big fat pig already.  Ha ha…  Daddy is really excited about this too and we are already planning how you and your sister will be taken care of.  Mummy will have 3 months of maternity leave but this time around, no more extra of 2 months leave.  But you do not have to worry because you will have an older sister to take good care of you.  And she is really fun to play with so you will not be bored. 

            Well, you do not expect us to pamper you just because you are the youngest.  But don’t be jealous because you will receive the same amount of love as your older sister. 

            Can’t wait to see how you look like.  Like Daddy or like Mummy? No matter what, you should be looking really cute right? 

            Well, Mummy will talk to you again real soon.  You hang in there k? 

MUAKS MUAKS MUAKS

MUMMY

08.02.06

Tokyo Love Story

Wah lao eh… cried my eyes out when I was finishing with episodes 8 - 11 of Tokyo Love Story… Thought it only had 9 episodes but when I watched the disc, realised that there were more than that… So sad de… Hai…

Hmm… well, so coincidentally, the last few episodes were about what I had said in my previous entry… the ending may not be favourable as to what the female lead (Rika) wants however, she was glad that she has all the good memories to look back at… Even though she was hurt, she never regrets having the relationship… Aiyoh, think already also want to cry le… Very very sad lor… I think the male lead (Kanchi) also was fickle minded… If I was him, I would have chosen Rika cos’ she was with him whenever he needs her… She was the one who was there to make him smile… She was the one who gave him support and encouragement when he needs it… Hai…

Hmm… There was this part when Rika told Kanchi that not every woman will get to meet that special someone who will love her for her whole life but she was glad that she had good memories with him and missed loving him and being loved by him… Hai… Really really sad lor…

The saddest part was when she decided to give up the relationship because she knows that he was still in love with his ex-classmate… She always waited for him for hours to come but that was the last time that she didn’t wait for him cos she was sure that he would never turn up… After she left, she thought back about those early days of their relationship, like how they were happy together, how he was so sure that he could do anything for her and give her anything she wanted, how they had their first kiss… Hai… SO SAD LEH!!! In the first place, if Kanchi was still in love with the exclassmate, why start the relationship?? Just taking advantage of her love for him nia lor… But at no time did she blame him also…

That’s love ba… When you love someone, no matter what the other person did or is doing, you wouldn’t blame him because you know that he has his own reasons for doing things this way or behaving like that… Hmm…

So important thing is to seize every moment!!! because you never know what tomorrow will bring… Treasure what you have now before it’s too late… Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing now… I think I have grown from my past relationships/experiences… Hee…

Only one in your eyes…

Had been watching ‘Tokyo Love Story’ on DVD… 2 more episodes to go… not as teary as I expected but there was this part that wah, cannot take it, ‘lau bak sai’ again…

When the female lead, Rika, told the male lead, Kenchi, that she wants to hear him say that she is the only one in his eyes.. that he will cherish her… that he will love her only… if not, she will run away… He didn’t say anything so she told him to forget all that had happened since they first met…

Wah lao eh… so sad leh… even though she disappeared, for a while, when she came back, she still brought something special for him… during the time she was away, he kept thinking about her and felt that something was missing from his life which he did not feel when she was around… I guess it’s always the case… the other doesn’t appreciate or treasure the partner till the partner suddenly leave or disappear…

Everything has its limits… Once it reaches that limit, it’s no turning back… it will come to a point whereby you decide that enough is enough… Sometimes it’s not that the other doesn’t treasure or appreciate, it’s just that the receiver is not feeling it… there may be things that one is doing for the other however, the other just dun feel it or feel that it is not enough… Hmm… Enough is a very subjective word though…

Happiness is a journey, not a destination… Journey is important because final destination may not be the most favourable… the least is to have good memories to look back at…

Had been telling myself that I must not be too dependant on my relationships… Just like how I was when I was with Tingwei… It’s just so difficult to control because you just feel that you got to be with that person whenever you can cos’ he’s the only one you wish to see… Being too dependant is also not good because you will feel crippled if the other is not around… But of course, I’m not the controlling freak… I dun go around like ‘You MUST stay with me, or you MUST only go out with me’ that kinda thing…

Usually I will run away before I get too dependant… unless I feel that the other person really loves me alot… that is when I stay… if not, I will run away, not literally though… More of running away from the feelings till the feeling of love slowly goes away… Stop all the outgoing calls/msgs/dates and rather wait for the other to take the initiative… most times, they do it for the wrong reasons… because they only do it when they need the company (it’s like I am the last priority instead of top few priority) because they think that I will always be there for them…

I’m okay… just some thoughts… Hmm…

What is Love? Chapter 38

Busy busy busy with work… usually it’s like that… before you go on long leave, all the work comes at one shot and then after you come back on leave, then another whole lot of crap comes your way.. Hee.. But well, just take it in stride… When work has to be done, it HAS to be done… :P  Nothing is impossible for Ivy right???  Wah, stress ah!!!!

Chapter 38

                Some more baby letters to Estelle.  I had conceived again in early 2006 however had a miscarriage.  It was a sad period for T* and myself.  But we went through it and he was supportive.  Below are some letters to Estelle and to our unborn baby.

Letter 14

To my dearest Estelle,

            Today is Mummy’s second day at work and already got bullied by Mummy’s boss to cover him during the office hours.  Therefore, during this block of shift, Mummy will not have any off days. 

            For the past two nights, you had been staying at your auntie’s place in Bukit Panjang and it seemed like you could not adapt.  Whenever, Mummy or Daddy leave after patting you to sleep, you would wake up after 10 minutes and started to wail really loud.  Everytime Mummy hear that you are crying or feeling very uncomfortable, Mummy is very upset because Mummy feel so useless for not being able to comfort you.  But then again, Mummy and Daddy have no choice but to leave you in your grandmother’s care because both of us had to work to bring the dole in. 

            Moreover, Mummy is expecting another baby in another 7-8 months time.  You will soon have a baby brother/sister to play with.  So is it a boy or a girl?  Estelle, you will have to grow up really fast so that you can help to take care of your sibling.  You will have to behave so that Daddy and Mummy will have an easier time taking care the both of you. 

            You do not have to worry that Daddy and Mummy will pamper you less because you know that you are our firstborn and we are really proud of you.  But we will not love your brother/sister less because both of you are equal.  Both of you are our children. 

            When you came out into this world, everybody thinks that you are very pretty and cute.  As you grow older each day, you get prettier and prettier.  And when you spoke for the first time, even it was in baby language, Daddy and Mummy were so excited about it.  And when you can turn over, we cannot wait for you to walk.  You must be a really smart girl because you are very aware of your surroundings.  And you love to eat and not drink milk.  However, you should know that milk is the most important source of brain food so Mummy always pray that you will drink your milk promptly. 

            You are already 5 months old and Mummy had come back to work.  It seems just like yesterday when Mummy was still pregnant with you.  Estelle Baby, Daddy and Mummy love you very much.  And you should know that we are always thinking of you even though we may not be there.  You take care and don’t cry too much my dear.  Be strong okay?  For Daddy and Mummy. 

MUAKS MUAKS MUAKS

MUMMY

08.02.06

In loving memory of Beatrice…

My colleague’s daughter, Beatrice, had passed on peacefully on Friday night… It has been a trying time for both parents and I pray that they will continue to be strong as they always have been…

Prayer/Message to Beatrice:

You could have been a beautiful lady and watch the wonders of life… But it’s God’s arrangement for you to call on him at such a tender age… Your lifetime here has never been less of happiness because you have such caring, loving and patient parents… You will always be the baby guardian angel for your family and you will always be in the memories of those whose paths you have crossed… May you rest in peace…

What is Love? Chapter 37

Did not really had an early night last night… slept at about 12am plus… but my body was definitely aching this morning (maybe due to last night’s run) and really felt like sleeping in at home… However, there was a meeting scheduled this morning so can’t take urgent leave… The house has been quiet since Wed night because my mum and stepfather are overseas in China… Wah, at least some peace and quiet till next Thurs… She can get a bit naggy when it comes to personal stuff… But well, she’s my mother and we usually disagree on things… Most times, I just listen to her (one ear in, one ear out :P) and I follow my heart… hahaha…

Going to pick Estelle tonight… maybe bring her out to some place fun tomorrow… Hmm… See how first ba…

Pls note that the below Chapter 37 - 68 is written in 2006/7… just want to remind you guys again if not, I will get many calls from friends who think that I’m not over it yet… I’m doing fine now… so no worries… and I’m continuning my story at Chapter 68 and currently now at 71… :P well, there must be someone around to continue my story with right?  Hmm… Some of you might have already heard from me but it is not officially declared yet… Only when the time is right…

So I’m kinda seeing someone right now and he’s not ready to come out into the light or tell friends/family because I have yet to be divorced.. For me, most friends already knows and my family knows too… I dun think there is a need to hide because we started after I gave up on TingWei… Ooops!! There, I said it, I’m kinda seeing someone… Sorry got to disappoint the single and interested guys again!! :P

His identity will remain a mystery, for now… Maybe his identity will never be revealed because the relationship may end before I’m officially divorced… Too many issues involved and things are different because after all, I was married before… Well, I dun dare to think about things and the relationship too much… All I know is that I should enjoy my moments with him now so that I have precious moments to look back at, even if we have to end the relationship someday…

Chapter 37

                T* became cold and distant after the birth of Estelle.  Maybe it was due to the sudden change of role in the family as he was not ready to be a father.  He only took 1 week leave to stay at home.  Though he did not help much, I felt comforted for his presence.  He was supportive whenever I felt bad about myself.  I felt very bad when I could not breastfeed Estelle and when I could not pacify her whenever she cries.  I believed that she had colic. 

                It wasn’t easy taking care of Estelle when she was young.  She had problems feeding and refusing her milk.  I was afraid that she will be hungry so each feeding time stretch to an hour with me trying to coax her to drink her milk.  To T*, he may think that I was trying to gag her but I wasn’t.  I was just trying to let her drink her milk, at least I did not force the milk down her throat.  The most I did was to put the teat in her mouth and whether she sucks or not, it was up to her.  T* did not help out during the night time whenever Estelle cries.  I think he could not even hear her cry.  I had to wake up and carry her in one arm and make milk with the other arm.  Sometimes I envy women who have husbands doing the night feeds every night.  I heard many cases from women that their husbands exclusively did the night shift and they can sleep throughout the night.   

                I took five months of leave to take care of Estelle as I wanted to see her grow up as long as I can.  I did not wish to miss her milestones.  Three months of maternity leave and two months of my personal leave that I had accumulated throughout my working years.  I guess many people would envy me for having so much leave and not needed to work to still get my pay every month.  But taking care of Estelle was not an easy task, especially when most things are done by me.  Feeding, washing, cleaning, bathing, everything with regards to Estelle, were done by me.  I do not blame T* for not doing much to help, sometimes he does, but very seldom when Estelle was still very young.  He did tell me before, that he was not confident in handling young babies.  So I was okay with it since I was not working and I could rest whenever Estelle was resting. 

                Apparently, this was also a problem to T*.  Me resting whenever Estelle was resting.  And I did not know that this was a problem till in year 2007 when things started to turn bad.  It is like he kept everything to himself and making notes of what I had done wrong and what I did not do in his black book.  And in year 2007, that was when he revealed his black book to me.  Not literally though.  But the content itself surprised me because it had never occurred to me that he could be someone who held grudges against people.  And it is scary, very scary. 

                I put on weight after I gave birth to Estelle and the highest weight I went was 70kg.  Wow! Nobody could have guessed.  Even though I was FAT, I did not look that FAT.  Ha!  But I was really that FAT.  Now my weight wavers between 48kg-50kg after I lost the extra weight.  And I made a vow that I will never grow so fat till that weight again unless I am pregnant.  But I guess that will never happen in the near future.  Estelle will never have a blood-related sibling as T* and I are getting divorced. 

Nike+ Human Race

Just registered for the Nike+ Human Race 10km… The race is supposed to be held on 31st Aug 08 worldwide in 25 cities… Wow, quite cool… but no details is out like where and when yet… I think I will most probably complete the 10km in 1 hour… did my usual run of 8.3km and I clocked in at 47mins… had been doing better and better and running faster and faster… Wasn’t panting at end of run… I think as long as I’m used to the runs, not as difficult as I used to think… Ran yesterday also… I did better than yesterday…

Anyway, think I dun describe what happened during work today… damn pissed off so better dun think.. the more I think, the more pissed off I get… What goes around, comes around… He will get what he deserve one day… I mean, everybody knows how he is as a person/worker and he is public enemy number 1… hahaha… too bad for him then…

Hmm… I guess I will have an early night tonight… suddenly feeling very tired…

What is Love? Chapter 36

Very busy… and very angry… Hai… well, it’s work related… Hiaks! just sent out a damn nasty email… :P Hee… Fellow need to be screwed before he understand the whole situation… *pui*

Chapter 36

Letter 13

To my dearest Baby,

            Well, Estelle, you will be arriving in another day’s time.  The doctor told us that Mummy has already dilated ½ cm at the cervix and that you are at the right position to come out naturally through the birth canal.  Therefore, we decided that we will try to induce the birth and then see how.  You are estimated to be 3.499 kg yesterday through the ultra scan.  Tonight, Mummy will be admitted and then we will see whether Mummy’s cervix can dilate till 10 cm before pushing you out of Mummy’s belly.

            To tell you the truth, Mummy is afraid too.  Daddy is so excited and nervous till he cannot sit still, cannot sleep and cannot study.  He will be having an exam on Friday and the timing is just not right.  Anyway, Mummy already tried to calm him down and I guess the tiredness caught him and he managed to catch some ZZZs.  Anyway, Mummy also cannot really sleep and after the checkup yesterday, it became very uncomfortable and you seem to know that you are going to come out soon.  I feel very uncomfortable now with you inside me.  I do not know how to describe that feeling and what buttons did the doctor pushed but it does not feel the same as before.  Maybe you know that you are coming out soon and therefore you are in an uncomfortable position.  I do not know also.  Can’t describe that feeling. 

            Really excited.  It is kinda rush as Mummy has yet to pack for the hospital.  And it is tonight.  Mummy came to work early today to round up all the things and delegate the jobs so that Mummy can go on leave till Feb next year when you are 5 months old.  Mummy took such a long leave so that I can spend more time with you and watch you grow up.  At least Mummy makes the effort right?  Hopefully when you come out, Daddy will feel the calmness.  He has been very excited and nervous since he knows that it will be tonight.  Basically we may be playing the waiting game however we really can’t wait.  Mummy got to go as there are computer chaps coming to change the computer at my workplace.  You take care and I will see you soon, tomorrow.  Soon, very soon. 

RUBBING YOU FOR THE LAST FEW TIMES

MUMMY

30.08.05

Class 2B

Okay… had been putting off learning Class 2B… thing is, a part of me is hesitating because I dun know if I can do it or not… but then again, so many people can ride, why not me?  Hmm… One main problem is that I’m short… so how??? :P guess just try ba… hiaks!!  Hopefully can complete by end of 2008… actually now it’s kinda busy for me because many events are coming up in July, Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov and Dec… wah piang, eh, isn’t it like every month till end of year??? :P hai… what to do?  just squeeze in classes whenever I can ba…

Sometimes when you thought work will at least be lull for a period of time before things get busy again, well, that never happens… Damn!!  seems like busy for the whole year de leh… only time that is able to rest is during overseas leave because most of the times, nobody will disturb you lah… but still, last year when in NY, I received SMS with regards to work on my personal phone… Hai… really sad lor… hahaha…

should be going to register after coming back from Koh Samui… Wow… 12 more days!!! Can’t wait!!! I NEED the sun, the sand and the sea… not Singapore one lah.. :P Hee… Maybe can go skinny dipping there in the night… Ooooh, kinky… whahaha… must always do something at least once in your lifetime right? Hmm, must go to some secluded area and tan in the nude too… You guys must be asking ‘why go to secluded area?’… Well, I’m actually a very shy person… Hee… Hey, stop that laughing of yours!!! :P Ya ya ya, I’m not a shy person, but I also not that daring… if no one is around, I am still alright de… that is why I say must find secluded area… Anyway, I want to declare that I am not an exhibitionist… Hee..

I think for my Class 2B I go to SSDC to learn better… Dun go to Comfort at Ubi cos’ I think I have bad luck there… Flunk my driving twice at Ubi till I gave up and finally got my driving license in the Force.. :P Reason why I fail my driving twice previously is because, 1st time, tester say I’m not young and not ready to drive at 18 (I did not manage to change lane because of heavy traffic) and 2nd time, tester say to try again because I failed to check my blind spots all the time (fu.k sia, I did check my blind spots lor, just that HE is BLIND himself, I think it’s so bloody stupid to turn the head exaggeratingly to show him that I did check).. Whatever… Well, I was the best driving trainee among the batch that went to learn driving at the driving school… hiaks!!! My tester said that I had pass the test even before the test commence because he had seen me drive during the driving lessons and I was good mah… :P People say I drive like a man so… Hmm…

Hopefully my good driving skills can be put to use when I take my class 2B… I know it’s different driving a car and riding a bike but good driving habits do help right?? :P and to assure those who are worried cos they think I drive too fast, Dun worry, I will slow down!!! Hee… I think when I learn riding, definitely will have lots of funny stories like how I am going to laugh loudly at myself when I fall in a stupid manner… hahaha…

Japanese sappy love dramas

Always had a love-hate relationship with Japanese sappy love dramas… Haven’t been watching those because did not really go look for new and good ones… but recently just bought the CD ‘Tokyo Love’ and listening to the songs on the discs reminded me of all the Jap sappy love dramas that I used to watch… Oh, and I specially love the song ‘I for you’ by Luna Sea (can watch it in YouTube)… It was the theme song for the Jap serial ‘God, pls give me some time’ in which Takeshi Kaneshiro acted in… Hmm, that show is one of my favourites…

Okay, let me explain why I have a love-hate relationship with the Jap sappy love dramas… I love watching them because when it is being compared to Chinese love dramas, Jap love dramas are always fairy-tale like, almost like the perfect kinda love story even though it may not end the way it should be at the end… The Jap dramas always show that the lovers love with all their heart and even if they are jilted or betrayed, they are seldom portrayed to be revengeful.. Most times, the lovers are willing to sacrifice themselves for love… Wah, that’s what I love about Jap love dramas…

Why I hate them is because my tissue runs out really quickly… it’s like out of 20 episodes, I cry watching 19 of them… Moreover, whenever I watch dramas, I have a bad habit of wanting to watch the episodes continuously without stopping… So imagine how you will look like with the staying up in the night and crying non-stop… Big swollen goldfish eyes the next day!!! Wahahaha… The Japs has always been really good in their love dramas/movies… I dun know about others but I always get touched whenever I watch any of them… And everytime I watch, I just wonder how good it will feel to be in the position of the female lead… To have the guy I love and have him love me back as much, even though I will have to die at the end… Well, those things only happen in dramas/movies nia… Doesn’t really happen in real life… That is why they are called fairy tales right?? Cos fairies doesn’t exist in the real world… Hmm…

How nice it will be if I am able to continue my love story just like those in the Jap love dramas…

What is Love? Chapter 35

Was back in office yesterday and just about one week away from work, there was so much backlog stuff to do and to catch up… Hai… stressed ah!!! :P Nah, I’m fine… I just can’t wait for my trip in 2 weeks’ time… No more phone calls from work!!! whahaha.. alas, I can off my workphone officially… :P It’s like only after you switch of the workphone, you can finally rest in peace.. hiaks!! if not, there is always a worry that there will be a recall or somebody just call you to ask something about work… if it is just some questions on work, still alright… it’s those calls that you receive and they tell you that it’s urgent and you need to report etc.. those are the worst… hahaha… But well, all these comes with the job… And the comment of ‘Well, you signed on the dotted line’ is always stuck in the head… it’s like you practically sold your life and soul to the org lor.. Hmm…

Anyway, had been trying to finish my ‘Lost - Season 3′ DVDs… Yes, I’m a fan of Lost… I think most people dun watch Lost because most of the time, they are lost… hiaks!! it’s kinda difficult to understand what is happening if you just miss one episode… They are showing Season 4 on TV however, I also missed a few episodes here and there… Hmm, well, wait for Season 4 dvd to be out lor… no choice… Moreover, got to wait for code 1… I already have Season 1 - 3… Personal view is that "LOST" is the BEST drama I have ever watch… I think the plot is so far good and it’s the kind of show that makes you go into thought about stuff deeply… :P

Hmm, here is What is Love? Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Letter 12

To my dearest Baby,

            You will be 38 weeks (full term) in another 2 days’ time.  Later Daddy and Mummy will go to the hospital for the last time for a final checkup before the day of your birth.  We will see you for the last time while you are still in Mummy’s belly.  So later you must say hi to us okay?

            You are getting stronger everyday but your kicks are not too abrupt or too fierce anymore.  Probably you have many movements however, not kicks or punches anymore.  Hopefully when you come out as a baby, you are gentle so that it will be easier for Daddy and Mummy to take care.  If you are as naughty as a boy, then Mummy got nothing to say already.  You are a girl so must behave like a girl. 

            Mummy could not sleep last night because of the excitement and the day is finally coming in about 1 – 2 weeks.  Finally.  After a long 9 ½ months.  You are formed out of a single cell from Mummy and Daddy.  The wonders of life.

            Today, we will be estimating your weight and measuring your size before deciding whether to induce or to go for caesarean.  I think the safer side will be to go for caesarean even though it will be tougher for Mummy to recover.  The chances of you, a big baby (if the estimated and measures are correct), getting stuck at the birth canal is high even if we go for inducement birth.  The last time you were estimated to weigh at about 32 weeks was at 2.2 kg.   Another 6 weeks, if you put on 200g per week, you will only be 3.4kg.  So you will still be considered as not so heavy.  Actually Mummy also does not know how the doctor calculates too.  Well, we will see how later.  Mummy had suddenly put on a lot of weight during the last 2 months of pregnancy so now Mummy is a fat cow.  Maybe you will put on a lot of weight too.  Anyway, if you do, it will be good so that you are bigger in size and Daddy will not be afraid to carry you. 

            To tell you the truth, Mummy is quite afraid of giving birth to you naturally.  Firstly, you are estimated to be a big baby through ultrasound scans.  Mummy is afraid that you might be stuck at your head or your shoulders, your safety is jeopardized.  Secondly, Mummy feel that it must be really painful for myself to have such a big baby coming out of the vagina.  Ouch, and they say they will have to cut up the vagina so that it will be big enough.  After which, they will then sew it back.  Even the thought of it is painful. 

            But, no matter how painful it is, Mummy will still go through it just to have you.  You are a miracle.  A blessing.  Daddy and Mummy will be loving you so much that no one is going to love you that much in your whole life.  Except for the doggies.  Hehe. 

            I pray to God that you will be fine and healthy.  You have a long way to go in life.  And this is just the start of it.  You have to be strong and face life as you grow up.  Even as a girl, you have to be strong and rely only on yourself because destiny is in your own hands. 

            Mummy got to go.  Going to meet my colleagues for breakfast.  Later Daddy will come to pick Mummy to go for checkup and finally we will see you for the last time in Mummy’s belly.  You take care in there Estelle.  Good bye and see you soon.

HUGGIES

MUMMY

29.08.05 

My first 10km run since 2001 + Kung Fu Panda

Just did my 10km run last night… actually I can always do 10km run for my long runs however, it’s the route that might need to be changed…  Last night sent Estelle over to her Daddy’s place at Punggol and so I started my run from Punggol then to and around Sengkang estate… I did it in about 1 hour… Hmm… not too bad I guess…  The last time I ran 10km was during my training days in 2001… Wow, that’s a long time ago.. :P 

Oh, after about a week of collagen, I think I stop seeing my crow’s feet at the side of my eyes leh… wah lao eh, cannot really be so effective right??  Hmm, will keep monitoring… The fine lines really disappeared… or maybe my eyesight is failing me due to age… Damn!  :P nah, I think the collagen is really working…

Updates on Estelle : spent many days with her the last week… Brought her to watch ‘Kung Fu Panda’ on Saturday… She had behaved during the movie, this time around, she was really behaving… And she enjoyed the movie…

Estelle was bawling again last night… She refused to let me go and kept hugging me really tight… She was crying and I followed her into Daddy’s place and spend about 10 minutes with her… had told her that I needed to go to work before that… then after she calmed down, she suddenly looked at me and said ‘Mummy, you go to work and then after you finish work, you come fetch me k? Mummy, bye bye..’  She said this while she was trying to resist the crying… It’s like she didn’t want me to go but she knew that I had to cos’ I got to go to work… When she said that, I also wanted to cry le… She like so poor thing like that lor… Then I gave her a big hug and said that I will fetch her again on Friday night… and that I will see her again de… Hai, so sad… Well, at least now she understands that sometimes no matter how hard you dun want things to be, it had to be… like she didn’t want me to go to work and to spend more time with her but I can’t cos’ I had to work… Hmm…

Anyway, just some takes from me on ‘Kung Fu Panda’… Once again, Jack Black lived up to his name… I never really liked cartoons from Dreamworks… I prefer Pixar… However, this cartoon was different from the rest from Dreamworks… Probably they make characters cuter than the usual not-so-cute characters like those in ‘Shrek’ & ‘Bee Movie’… And Jack was really funny… I mean, I could imagine Jack’s expression whenever I see the panda… Hiaks!! The Kung Fu scenes are very good too other than that, Dreamworks can continue to do better… One thing which I dun get is the village/valley only consists of bunnies and ducks and pigs… So why only these 3 animals?  Hmm… Still couldnt’ work out the reason why…

3 long runs in 3 days…

Wah… not bad sia… I did 8.5km per day for 3 continuous days… :P I still thought that the next run will be on Sunday night… Anyway, didn’t pick Estelle up tonight cos’ her Daddy is not working tomorrow and will be bringing her to the motherhood exhibition at expo tomorrow so will only be picking her up tomorrow… Actually nearly couldn’t make the run tonight cos’ was kinda lazy and my calf muscles were kinda achy… but pushed myself to go cos’ the thought of being fat was stil in my mind… Hiaks… Anyway, managed to squeeze out some time to go visit my colleague’s daughter… She is in a bad condition.. I guess he is kinda mentally prepared for the worst however, reality will only set in when things actually happens… Well, all we can do now is to pray for him and his family, to pull through this ordeal…

Since I mentioned about my unborn babies in my previous entry, I will just briefly describe what happened to my first one.. My third baby, Elise (supposedly the name for Estelle’s sister), was mentioned in my story… Haven’t post it yet but should be going on to that chapter soon… As for my first one, I had to make the choice to give it up because at that time, I was in my last semester of my university and I didn’t want S* to be with me because of the baby… Baby wasn’t really doing so well too because at that time, I was smoking so his heartbeat was really weak at 1 & 1/2 month old…

I still feel very guilty about my choice but I know that it was the right one cos’ I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother and if I wasn’t ready, I would be a lousy mum… Was a difficult choice and when I woke up from anesthesia, I cried non-stop because I felt so guilty that I had made the choice to end a life… Till now, still living in guilt… No matter how long it has past, the guilt does not dissipates.. I dun think I want it to be gone too… It is a way to remind myself that it is not easy to sustain a life because life is so fragile.. So I would think harder and deeper again if I were to face similar situations.. That was why I said that that was the most difficult choice to make in my life and it is a life changing choice.. If I had chosen to keep the baby, I do not know if it will survive or where I will be right now… Baby would be 7 years old this year… But if time turns back to that fateful day which I decided to give up the baby, and that I had to make the choice again, I think I would make the same choice because it was the sanest choice..

What is Love? Chapter 34

Back in office and I got 150 mails at least to start the day… didn’t go for the 2nd day of the conference workshops because dun think that it is relevant… wasted a day already, didn’t want to waste another day, so came back to office to do some work… Hai… Bz bz bz again… Body aching due to the 2 days of continuous running of at least 8km per day…

Received news about a colleague’s eldest daughter in critical condition a few days ago… most probably drop by to visit today… actually her condition had been really bad after birth, it’s been a few years le… guess it’s just life… the risk you got to take whenever a couple plans to be pregnant… cos’ you never know whether it is a healthy baby or not… but no matter what, it is still flesh and blood… so it’s really sad de lor… Hai… I had always been thankful for Estelle cos’ she nearly couldn’t make it… I mean, if all tests says that my baby is unhealthy, I think I would go for an abortion instead because I do not want it to come to this world to suffer…

With this, I’m saying prayers for my unborn babies again… One was with S* (this was the censored part in Chapter 18) and one was with Tingwei, after Estelle… It’s like I just know what sex they were when conceived, even though the babies probably had yet to develop the sexual organs… The feeling that I had is that the one with S* should be a baby boy and the one with Tingwei was a baby girl… My unborn babies will always live in my heart and probably we will meet again, somewhere… Then, I can tell them personally, that I’m sorry…

            Chapter 34

Letter 11

To my dearest Baby,

            You are exactly 36 weeks old in Mummy’s belly.  That is a long long time isn’t it?  Well, the doctor says that you are still considered premature and needs another 2 weeks in Mummy’s safe belly before you can come out either by inducement or by caesarean section.

            The doctor had examined Mummy’s belly and she said that you are not very big however we will need to go for a scan before we can decide.  Maybe you are really huge, just that you curled up so good that you feel small.  Or probably, you are really small and not as reported.  Well, we will have to wait till end of August to find out with the scan.  In the meantime, enjoy your last few moments in Mummy’s warm belly.  Next time you come out, you will hate being warm because in Singapore, the weather is so hot and humid that you will always be sweating like a pig.

            Daddy and Mummy should have bought everything that is needed.  We are first time parents so not really sure if we missed out anything.  Anyway, your Daddy keeps saying that other people will give as gifts but I told him if nobody gives, then he will have to go out to buy instead.  Hehe.  We have not bought milk bottles or pacifiers yet.  Maybe we do not want to introduce you to pacifiers yet because it will shape your lips to be very sharp.  But then again, guys will like that you know.  Hehe.  We will see how first.  Wait till you come out and we will see how you behave. 

            Seriously, Mummy is really curious about you.  What will you be like?  How will you look and what will be your personality?  Mummy’s stomach is getting sharper and other people had guessed that I am carrying a boy but then again, through the scan, you are a girl.  Hopefully we are not wrong because we had bought all the stuff for a baby girl already.  All the PINK coloured cute stuff.   

            Nowadays Mummy gets really tired and sick easily.  I think I have mentioned it before about a few weeks ago.  It seems like every time I take a step, my step will be very heavy.  And I cannot seem to sleep comfortably or sleep enough even though I sleep about 7-8 hours a day.  And my body always feels very achy.  Maybe the toil of carrying a baby is starting to reveal on my body.  I am now 68kg.  About 10 kg more that what I had weighed before I was pregnant.  Mummy also does not know how to lose those kilos.  I think I better carry you more often, play with you more often to lose those calories and fats.  Make myself busier so that I can lose weight.  Or else Daddy will not want Mummy anymore.  Mummy hopes to be as sexy as before so that Mummy will have confidence and feel that Daddy still finds Mummy sexy.  If not, you will not be able to have a younger brother or sister in the future.  You will know all these when you grow up.

            When Mummy sleeps nowadays, it is also very difficult for me to switch sides to sleep on.  Every time I need to turn to the other side, I do not feel good turning and feel that I need lots of energy to flip myself over.  Maybe you are really too big and heavy and that is why Mummy has this problem.  Daddy and Mummy thought that we could have fixed the date on when Mummy’s belly will be cut open however the doctor says that we will have to wait for another 2 weeks.  And it is the waiting game again.  After that, it could be another week before the operation (if it is a caesarean).  If it is inducement, it could be earlier than that.

            Actually Mummy can’t wait longer.  Mummy is so excited about your coming.  The level of excitement is more as you were unplanned.  Oh ya, Mummy nearly forgot.  That day when Daddy and Mummy went for the medical appointment, you were hiccupping in Mummy’s belly.  Hehe, really cute and we can see you moving in rhythmic motions.  You have been very active in Mummy’s belly and we do not know if you will be very active next time too.  But always remember, you must be a lady because you are our precious princess.

            Okay, it is lunch time soon for Mummy.  Mummy is not feeling too well today but will hang on in there since it is already half day through the work day.  My dear Estelle, enough of the moving and squirming already.  You take care in there.  Love ya.

MUAKS (to the power of infinity)

MUMMY

17.08.05

Reduce, Reuse & Recycle

Went for some conference on logistics today… It was so boring till I couldn’t take it that I had to take a short break at the movies during lunch hours… Oops!  Shared the whole theatre (large one somemore, better dun say which one :P) with about 8 other people.. Hiaks!  Aiyoh, brings back memories of playing truant in school.. Anyway, Reduce, Reuse & Recycle was one of the topics at the conference.. I guess many of us are consciously trying to be green one way or another.. Well, I hope so.. But then again, you really got to weight the cost for being green.. It is usually more expensive to go green e.g. fuel efficient car..  And also, usually it comes with the inconvenience too.. I know I dun have the ability to be really green because it takes alot of effort to do so.. So I loudly applaud those people who do make the effort..  You guys are saving the earth bit by bit and I hope the small efforts that I make will contribute to some of that though not alot of it..

One thing for sure, I can’t live without aircon.. I’m sorry.. :P  I think I will sweat till I die.. Hahaha.. See ’sweat’.. Used that cos’ I feel like a pig and only animals sweat, human perspire..  Hiaks!  Just went for another long run around Sengkang..  Tot I ran faster today however was stuck at many traffic junctions today… It is so much easier to run in the night… Anyway, sidetrack for a while… I am in my first day of using a patch which claims that it will increase metabolism, suppress appetite etc to assist in weight loss… I think it’s kinda working because I dun feel hungry at all, for the whole day.. I ate breakfast (even though I wasn’t hungry, never skip breakfast cos’ the more you skip breakfast, the fatter you get), skipped lunch and had a bunch of grapes for dinner..  Or maybe the patch is a placebo.. Probably the patch contains nothing like what it claims to contain but being the consumer, you always want to affirm the products by thinking that it does works so as not to feel like a fool… Hahaha…

Back to the topic of Reduce, Reuse & Recycle.. I had always been so pissed off in the toilet by the automatic flushing system..  I was at the toilet of a shopping centre after my movie today and dun know why I was particularly pissed off today by the irritating flushing of the toilet bowl before I finish my business..  Really gets on my nerves because even before I am done, usually it flushes at least twice and then flushes another time at the end..  Even though I may still be sitting on the seat, it flushes if I do not make any movements and the thought of germs from the bowl being transferred to my bare ass with the unnecessary flushing of waer just irks and disgusts me so much… it happened exactly, as usual, today..  What a waste of water.. And to think that Singapore has always been promoting the campaign ‘Water is Precious’ since most of our water is bought from our neighbouring country.. I believe the reason why automatic flushing was popular in public areas because Singaporeans tend to bea bit more forgetful due to their fast-paced life that they missed the step of flushing after doing their businesses in the public toilets (sometimes people do forget at home too, because they had been so relaxed in the toilet that they forget to flush.. I’m guilty for a few times in my 6 years of staying at Punggol.. but now at my mum’s place, not guilty anymore because had the habit to close the seat so quite conscious… it’s a good way to prevent people from forgeting to flush)… And when they forget, the crap accumulates and the whole toilet gets dirty and stink..

So some smart aleck came up with an idea for lazy people, auto flushing of sanitary systems..  I guess they weight cleanliness more importantly than educating the public about flushing.. By being dirty, there will be more water saved too because less people will use the toilet facilities.. The amount of time spent in the toilet also increases with the condition of the toilet..  Go observe.. People can spend more than 15 mins in a hotel toilet chit-chatting compared to 1 min of rushed business by everyone at a hawker centre toilet.. Less use, more water saved.. Hiaks!!  Education is very important in achieving the latter.. Mindset of everyone who lives on earth is reallly important in making sure that earth still exists in the next century… This thursday 5th June is World Environment Day… Hope that everyone will make some conscious effort in saving Gaia…

3 days with Estelle just gone by…

Man… Time flies whenever I’m with Estelle… It seems like I had just picked her up last night and now she is no longer with me… But in reality, I had spent the past Saturday, Sunday and Monday with her… Will be picking her up on Wed night after work… Hmm… This whole week will not be around in office and I am very sure, when I go back to office next Monday, my email inbox will be flooded with at least 300 emails… worked out to be about 60 emails a day… hahaha… and ppl still think that I am very free and have nothing to do at work… well… Hmm…

Estelle, as usual, is really cute… sometimes she just say the funniest things… well, off hand I really can’t think of any example but whenever she said that, I would laugh my head off… hahaha… Still trying really hard to teach her to play hide and seek… her version of hide and seek is hiding but not seeking… she will go and hide but when I say that I am going to look for her, she will shout ‘I am here!!!’… whahaha… then whenever I hide, if she can’t look for me, she will just cry ‘Mummy!!!’ with tears rolling down her face… usually she will learn the hiding places but there are always new hiding places, even if it is just in my room only… hahaha.. just now I was hiding under the blanket, beside her, she did not even notice… she went down the bed and searched everywhere in the room… when she realise that she can’t find me, she cried… I was laughing like why didn’t she knew that I was there… but quickly came out and hugged her to comfort her when she cried… Hmm… will continue to teach her how to play hide and seek properly… Think she is afraid that if she can’t find me, then I’m gone…

Estelle is coming to 3 years old this 1st sept… Wow!  3 years just gone by just like that… next thing you know, she will be 6 years old… Hmm… I will be old mummy liao lor… Hai… wonder what will happen the coming 3 years… Hmm… well, dun even dare to think about it… just take things as it comes ba…

Oh, and I found out that I am actually fat liao… I dun know… just felt that I am fat… but anyway, squeeze out some time this morning for a long run cos’ Estelle went for breakfast with Daddy… I think I will stick to night runs cos’ running in the day is like hell especially when the sun is shining bright… Hmm… Like damn jia lat running in the hot sun… It is like so tiring to run such long distance, plus the sun, nearly couldn’t take it… hiaks!!  This week can’t run much also cos’ next 2 days out of office for conference and then thurs - sun with Estelle… so the next available date for run will be on Sun night… Hmm…

Bought some collagen… :P women will be women ya??  was thinking that the collagen may be of some good use to my skin, especially to the growing crow’s feet at the corner of my eyes… Hee… Oh yes, I NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!! hahaha…