Neck still hurts

Had been having a stiff neck since last week… and it’s really killing me… arrggghhhh… had a great time last night during dinner… dun noe why also but really enjoyed it… thanks to whoever you are… hehe…

can’t wait for my 3 weeks of leave that will start next week… finally… lots of time with Estelle… and of course, there is also the Bintan trip that I’m looking forward to… look out for the photos which I will post in my FB account… think I am going to bring my laptop there… :P can’t leave a day not logging onto the internet…

kinda disappointed this morning…

yeah, title spells it… was looking forward to sthg but guess everytime things just dun go the way you want it… well, I wun force it… guess there will be a right time ba… but I dun think I ever want to try again le… there is only so much I can do and if still rejected, no matter how many times I try, it will still be rejected… so… ya.. anyway, time will tell… just take a step at a time ba…

must think of ‘happy’ thoughts… oh yes, I’m gg for The Killers concert next Jan!!! Yay!!!! hehe…

Bad luck during shopping this afternoon…

suddenly felt like going shopping cos’ my SKII toner is finishing so tot take this opportunity to take PM leave to go shopping since I need to clear my leave anyway… and remembered I saw a msg saying that TANGS have closed door specials for their members…

When I went over to Vivocity, I didn’t see that TANGS were only restricting entry for members only… then I realised that I got the dates wrong.. the closed door special is on Wednesday… and today is tuesday… arrrgggghhhhh… Bad luck no. 1…

After that, didn’t shop at tangs and went to Toys’R'Us to get monopoly junior for Estelle as christmas present… so got it and thought, nvm lah, no need to go to Tangs again tomorrow… i just buy what i need which is the SKII toner… so went to the SKII booth at vivo tangs… i wanted the big bottle… the salesgirl checked and told me that they are out of stock… *pengz* Bad luck No. 2… then I asked her if they have stock at orchard tangs… she said yes so went to orchard by MRT… didn’t even shopped at vivo cos’ dun bother… suddenly felt tired so wanted to finish up asap…

reached orchard tangs… bought the toner and was given some lucky draw coupon… filled it up and walked around the first level to find the bloody box… cannot find so asked the cashier… she told me 3rd level.. so went up to level 3, walked around but cannot find the box… decided to ask someone again… told me that it was actually near to the escalator… arrggghhh… Bad luck No. 3

dropped the coupon into box… went down again… decided to go M&S to get something for family… went there, got something for everyone and of course, Estelle too… then left… decided to take the bus cos’ I wanted to go AMK to get something… then went to the bus stop outside DFS (dun know what hotel name) to wait for bus 132 when actually i could have walked to the bus stop outside Thai Embassy… walked the wrong way… Bad luck No. 4….

Walked to the bus stop and saw that 132 doesn’t stop there??? ARRGGGHHHH… Bad luck No. 5… i remembered years ago, 132 stops there lor… apparently they changed the bus route or whatever… so went to see the buses info and saw this express bus that goes to AMK within a few stops 128… so waited for prob 15 mins… and decided, that i may have seen wrongly… so went to take a closer look.. nb, the bus only operates during the evening… Bad luck No. 6… arrggghhhh… so I just hopped onto a bus that brings me to Newton MRT and took MRT to AMK… when I could have taken MRT in the first place at Orchard… arrggghhhh…

Reached AMK… bought watever and went back in taxi cos’ really really tired le… sigh… shouldn’t have gone shopping today… really full of bad luck sia… how come everytime I shop for christmas presents, it’s bad luck de… last year, got into car accident after shopping for christmas presents… sigh…

Call from India…

3 nights ago, I received a call @ 5am.. estelle was around with me so I quickly woke up and pick up the call… the number appearing on my caller ID is an overseas number though I dun know which country… Below is the conversation between me and the Indian f**ker (IF):

Me: Hello??

IF: *quiet*

Me: Hello???!!!! Hello???!!!!

IF: *quiet*

Me: Who are you looking for???!!!!

IF: Hello! Is this a Singapore line? (in authentic Indian accent)

Me: Ya! who do you want to speak to???!!!

IF: What is your name??? (in the same stupid accent)

Me: Harlow!!! You call and you ask my name??? who you looking for?? Wrong number lah!!!!

IF: I want to know your name..

Me: Oei, f**k you understand???!!!!

IF: Eh, f**k me?? you want to f**k me ah??!!!!

Me: F**k you!!! CB… (hung up the phone)

You can’t blame me for using vulgar language cos’ i was really groggy just awoken from sleep and this fellow have to call and be a clown over the phone… kns…

After that call, he kept calling again… I kept pressing the red button, refusing to pick up… i think he called about like 10 times… but there was another call in between that I picked up cos’ i wanted to scold him again… below was the conversation:

Me: Hello!!! I told you you got the bloody wrong number!!!! Can you dun call again???!!!!

IF: You Chinese???

Me: Do I sound like a f**king Indian to you??? I’m not like a f**king Indian like you!!!!

IF: You Indian???? *wanted to carry on with sthg but I cut him off*

Me: I told you I not f**king Indian like you!!!! F**k you lah!!! *hung up phone*

After that, I switched off the phone… and in the morning @ 8am, I called Singtel to bar the number… but was told that they cannot bar overseas number… so told them to check which country the number is from… they told me that it is a call from India… which I suspected at first… I mean, where else can you find the bloody accent… kns… after that, I vowed to put the number on India’s social networking website stating ‘call me @ xxxx if interested in knowing a sexy lady’… angry sia… till now, he haven’t called back… better dun mess around with me cos’ he is going to regret it… nb…

KittyLab & finally a run again…

Went to KittyLab with Estelle on Friday… fortunately it is a friday and there wasn’t much ppl.. however, Estelle was a bit mang zhang maybe cos’ it’s near to her nap time and she woke up early that day… anyway, bought some sovenir for herself and myself too… hehe… and too bad, no photos or videos are allowed in the exhibition hall… though it wasn’t really good but the props they used are very cute… very cartoony and really feel like being in the cartoon world… managed to come out within 35 mins and we got the good citizen badge or sthg… hehe…

And today, finally go for a run again… had been raining for the past few weeks and didn’t had a chance to go for run… and today, tot it was going to rain again but after I sent Estelle back, the sky looked clear and it was windy… so quickly went for the run… but realised that my NIKE+ sensor is not working… fortunately got one spare at home… so went back home to change and ran… this time, i did about 45 mins for 8km… 1 min faster than the previous run about 3 weeks ago… LOL.. must go more often… fat liao…

Raindrops are non-existence when…

Raindrops are non-existence to me when I am crying in the rain… cos’ I can’t tell the difference between the tears falling down my face or the raindrops drizzling down my face… I tried to control my tears on the trip back home from office last evening but I just can’t… Was feeling really lousy the whole day yesterday… wanted to wait till i go back home and then squat in a corner and cry but just can’t… squatting in a corner and cry is one of the ways I release stress and unhappiness… my friend asked me why squat in a corner & not sit on a chair… i told him it’s because crying requires alot of energy… and since there is no one to support you, the 2 sides of the wall supports you and ensure that you will not fall… though it may release stress and unhappiness for me, it kinda made me realised or feel that there isn’t anyone for me when i needed the release… cos there’s no one for me to cry on… maybe it’s not that I dun have anyone to cry on but I’m just acting strong in front of others (those close to me) and yet, the most vulnerable when I’m alone…

feeling alot better today cos’ the misunderstanding during the lousy morning yesterday had been cleared… it really hurts to know that one of my dearest actually thinks that I’m a heartless person who enjoys seeing others suffer… I dun give a hoot about what others say about me e.g. monster, bitchy etc… but I am very affected when ppl closest to me judged me as someone I’m not… I will get upset when those dearest to me say something about me which is not true… Because if they are so close to me, they should know what kind of person I am…

a lousy morning…

didn’t have the mood to work today cos’ had a lousy morning to start the day with.. but managed to get some work done… booked the tixs to Hello Kitty on friday already… can’t wait to go with Estelle and take lots of photos…

a few days ago, a cyst appeared on my left eye… i put the cream religiously on the affected spot but still it got bigger till I poked it with a needle to try to squeeze the pus out (but not much leh).. now a bit smaller but there is still something there and feeling quite uncomfortable.. must be due to heatiness during the deployment…

still feeling lousy… i think i will just sleep it through the whole of tonight and whole of tomorrow… maybe I will feel better after I wake up…

Paranormal Activity + KittyLab

Went to watch paranormal acvitivty because 2012 was sold out… It was very freaky… as freaky as blair witch, for those who can still remember… If you are not into horror movies, or are afraid to watch those scary movies, DUN WATCH IT… cos’ I’m still feeling the freaks after a few days… arrggghhh, dun know when the feeling will go away… still freaks me out…

anyway, found out that Hello Kitty has some exhibition for 35 years anniversary in Singapore call Kitty Lab… going to bring Estelle to go the exhibition on Friday… I went to the website and saw a sovenir I want to get… it’s a cute hello kitty plush which can vibrate, and light up on the cheeks.. very cute… hehe… can’t wait..

today is the last day of deployment already… provided it doesn’t extend… sianz… finally, it’s all over soon…

missed both of them so much…

tot can meet up with him for dinner tonight since tonight is one of the time that our schedule doesn’t clash… BUT… he’s sick… think he overworked already ba… plus he usually very busy with his family also…

Missed estelle really much too… can’t go over to see her cos’ she’s bound to not let me leave after the visit… and will keep crying…

few more days to go… and my morale is getting lower and lower everyday… and I am getting more depressed each day… trying to cheer myself up le but… i dun know.. just feel like shit… maybe i missed both of them too much ba…

6th day in hell week…

in the 6th day of hell week… getting really heated day after day at work… today went for a tan this morning and finally i got my needed tan.. whahaha… but my friend say that it’s not dark enough… fark… now my skin very itchy cos’ i think i overtanned… the sun was really hot near to noon…  think I will peel the next few days…

missed my guy… very very much… haven’t seen him for more than a week already… sigh… but it was great to at least hear his voice…

Christmas is coming soon…

Cracking my head to think about what to get for my guy for Christmas.. Actually already given him part of the present le… cos’ the other time, I dun know if he is going to choose me… and at the time, since I had already completed the ‘present’, I gave to him first, in case he didn’t choose to be with me… actually every Christmas I give him these… 999 paper cranes… they are made for him so that if he needs any wishes, he can use them by burning them and wish upon them… so to ensure he dun run out of wishes, every year will make for him… 3 years already… dun know if he used any of them…

hmm… think i get sthg small for him for christmas… last year got him boxers and it was the same day I got into accident… sigh… still dun know what to get for him… but i know what to get for him for his birthday next year which is in Feb… we always celebrate his birthday and valentine’s day together cos’ his birthday is near to valentine’s day… so usually celebration and present can slurge abit… hehe… hopefully they have sale on what I want to get for him end of this year… it’s a secret… hehe…

4th day into hell week… 5 more days to go… arrrggghhhhh….

2nd day of Hell Week…

Doing the graveyard shift… it’s only the 2nd day and I miss my guy very very much… miss Estelle very very much too… 7 more days to go… arrggghhhhh…. really tired… very tired… but guess it doesn’t help even if there are many off days after this event… it’s called burnout… i think I need a change of environment… sigh…

Saw VI

It was so predictable… I didn’t expect Jigsaw to be back alive and I was right… it was about the box that Jigsaw left for his wife and also his vigilante whom is the detective… Saw V was predictable and Saw VI also… thought it would be something unpredictable… but I guess ppl go watch it for the blood and gore… hahaha… anyway, I’m not really a fan… only caught the previous episodes cos’ my colleagues were watching them.. hahaha…

arrggghhhh… tomorrow on night shift… today was on morning shift and after morning shift, went to catch the show at The Cathay… missed Estelle and my guy… sigh… 7 more days to go…

Start of Hell Week…

Yes, it’s the start of hell week today… one week to go… I hope all of us can pull through… damn…

Had a great time with him 2 nights ago…

He cooked for me 2 nights ago… though it was not a lavish dinner or sthg, it was nice of him to put in the effort to give me a surprise… He didn’t tell me or anything.. He just went to the supermarket alone and bought some stuff while I waited in the car.. so when he came back with some groceries, I asked him if his mum asked him to buy and he said yes… after that, went back to his place and he told me to go up too which I found it weird cos’ my existence is still not known yet… reached his place and found out that his parents wasn’t around…

After that he started cooking and I kinda spend half of the night over at his place… hehe… but realised something… he took down the mickey mouse puzzle I gave him previously… so asked him where it is, he said he kept it in the cupboard as he adjusted some of his furniture and afraid that it might get broken or sthg… and also, his room is exceptionally tidy… well, I will just take it as that ba… I think that between partners there must be trust… I know he will not jeopardize our relationship by lying to me… and he will not keep things from me… I just hope that my trust will not be betrayed…

the mad rush of work is starting tomorrow… actually already started during planning stage but tomorrow is the start of execution… arrgggghhhhh.. can’t wait for my dec trip… and i need my tan… and I need a break… a good break with my Estelle so that we can have lots and lots of fun…

feeling neglected…

yes, by my guy… msged him this afternoon to see if he wants to meet up for lunch cos’ very long never meet up le (since last wed or thurs)… but he didn’t reply… I tot he might still be sleeping cos he’s on night shift tonight… so called him at about 4pm… all i wanted was to hear his voice and chat with him… but who knows?  seems like he was too busy to talk to me so I told him that i didn’t want to disturb him and hung up…

i mean, come on… no matter how busy you are, I am sure you can spare 5 mins a day to just talk… even if it means talk about mundane things… you know, just updating on each other cos’ you not meeting up.. but apparently, I am not even worth 5 mins of talktime… i mean, you can’t even shit in 5 mins… msged him that I felt neglected and not expecting him to reply… cos’ maybe deep inside i didnt’ want him to reply… i tot i should just let him know how I feel cos didn’t want to accumulate all the unhappiness inside… i’m not a spare that just cos’ he doesn’t have any appt with his family/friends then he come look for me… i mean, i’m like last on his list… but hey, he’s like 2nd on my list… 1st is Estelle of course… but at least he is 2nd…

i dun think he will msg me or call me if i dun msg or call him first… it’s like, i’m not even on his mind… it’s like he had forgotten about me like that… i dun know… i’m just feeling very lousy right now… and only if he knows how i’m feeling and he cares about my feelings…

haven’t seen him for close to a week already…

cos’ he’s busy with work and also engaged with some family stuff… hmm… dun even have much time to talk to him… miss him alot… tot at the heat of all the work, at least can even meet him for a while, think it will help alot… he will just melt away all my stress with his kiss… hehe… but guess I will have to relieve stress in other ways le ba… like last night, went to watch movie alone… when I was buying tixs for one, this time around, the ppl queuing behind me was like whispering to her friend sthg… I could barely hear it but I could see her reflection at the box office glass panel… she was looking at the screen, seeing that I’m only buying one tix and probably she said to her friend, ‘where got ppl watch movie alone de?’ cos’ her friend replied really loudly, ‘Why not?’ then she whispered again and her friend said ‘Sometimes I do it also’… I know what she whispered cos’ i’m psychic… hehe…

I mean, what’s wrong with watching movie alone?  You dun talk during movies right?? think I mentioned this before.. the other time it was the counter staff which gave me that kinda look when I was watching a romance movie alone… whahaha…

going to start shift work this weekend… sianz… dun know if I will be able to meet him cos’ our work timings are really whacked… guess I just keep myself busy with work ba, so wun miss him too much…

Jennifer’s Body…

Haven’t watched a movie for very long le… so during the weekend, saw the movie listings cos’ Estelle wanted to watch Caroline… But Caroline doesn’t show in the normal movie screen (only in 3D) at AMK so didn’t bring her to watch… maybe after my deployment ba… deployment for next 2 weeks is like no off days… morning, night and then one sleeping off… the next day morning again…

Anyway, went to watch Jennifer’s Body just now cos’ of Megan Fox!!! hahaha… she is so pretty… should be catching Saw VI this week also, if possible… whahaha… hmm… The show is alright but if you are not a Megan Fox fan, dun go watch lor… a bit crappy but well, Megan is the lead and she’s got alot of airtime on the movie… hahaha… how I wish I have a body like hers… and her lips, aiyoh… actually i think my lips are comparable to hers… hahaha…

ok… it was all the way firefighting at work today.. more to come tomorrow… basically this whole week is to tie up the loose ends and also rushing for those issues which are still outstanding… sigh… but I still have a massage session on Wed afternoon… managed to slot in a PM leave to go for a massage for relaxation… whahaha…

3 more weeks…

3 more weeks… before the pace of work slows down a little… but still, the pace is hot for me cos’ I still have lots of work pending… but so, need to clear this 3 weeks before starting the engine or at least, gaining some power back to get onto work again… and of course, there is a long break in Dec that I am looking forward to…

This week will be damn busy, tying up last minute things for work… yes, everything is not settled or ready yet… but no choice cos’ we dun really have much time to work with either… oh well, when there’s a will, there’s a way… hahaha… is that right?

Estelle just went back… she didn’t bawl too much this time around but today, before she even stepped out of my house, she was crying and kept hugging my leg, crying ‘I miss you Mummy!!! I want you Mummy!!!’ Sigh, when I saw her like this, I was really heartbroken… i mean, everytime I see her like this, I’m heartbroken.. cos’ i know she really means it from her heart… she doesn’t fake it de…

anyway, really dreading work… I hope everything goes smoothly… sigh… but then again, things will never go smoothly… miss my guy cos’ he haven’t called me for 3 days le… he must be busy… too busy till forget about me ba… sigh..

Mummy, I changed boyfriend already…

When I heard this from Estelle, I nearly fainted… even though, yes, she had a boyfriend when she was still in my stomach, I never really took it seriously… cos’ her boyfriend, Leroy, was just a playmate as my ex husband and myself are close friends with Leroy’s parents… Then suddenly this morning, she just told me out of nowhere… I haven’t seen Leroy for a long time after I split with my ex husband cos’ I seldom or probably never kept contact with our mutual friends…

So when Estelle told me this, I asked her why and who is her new boyfriend… she said that she didn’t like Leroy cos’ he’s very naughty and rough… and then she talked about her new boyfriend whom she dun even know his name… some boy she saw at IKEA’s playhouse… dun know true or not…

I told her girls dun need boyfriends, at least not now… but dun know if she heard what I said cos’ the topic of our chit chat was suddenly changed again to something else by her… aiyoh… jialat lah like that… hmm.. must tell her to bring her boyfriend back for me to ‘interrogate’ first when she grows up… mustn’t let any boys break her heart… but I dun think her heart will be broken by boys but more of, she will break boys’ hearts… hmm, I was right to name her Estelle… I can’t bear to have her heart broken cos’ she’s my princess… hee…

no time left…

NO MORE TIME LEFT… ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH… going crazy…

Love guru I’m not…

Dun know why DOM Ho commented when I did I become the love doctor… cos’ I’m not… If I am, I wun be dumped by guys for so many times right??? hahaha… I guess my views in love are quite different from the rest of the girls… not too sure cos’ I dun really talk much about love to other girls… hahaha… i talk alot to guys as most of my close friends are guys… hmm, i think my guy is understanding enough to this ba… thank god he is not the possessive and jealous type… or he is?  Baby, are you?? hehe… dun be cos you are still my best friend… hehe… You know you are my closest friend hehe *sayang*…

Anyway, today still on course… I have so much work left at office to clear… moreover, no more time left already… only left 1 week to settle the stuff… actually less than that… sigh… How??? Dun know if me and my team will be able to do it or not…

Oh well, dun think so much cos’ the more I think, the more painful my headache… 1 more month to go.. arrggghhh… think will collapse by then… why why why????

Is it possible to be in love with 2 different persons at the same time?

This was what a friend *E* asked me just now… So told him that I will dedicate this post to him since he was really curious about my answer…

My answer is no… but it’s also yes… let me explain…

For me, if A is truly in love with B, A will not love C… And the only reason why A loves B and C at the same time is because A does not truly love B… A feels that B is imperfect and have flaws and A can never see beyond those flaws… and to make up for it, A falls in love with C for those things he cannot find in B… and usually B & C are the total opposites… if it is true love, A would have been contented with B and see past B’s flaws, not taking them into account…

No one is perfect… To love someone, it means loving the good and bad of them… and true love is compromise and tolerance… that’s what you see in the white hair couples who are still holding hands when they walk together, which i always envy… Ppl now are less compromising and less tolerant and have higher expectations, that is why, so many marriages break up… and mine is one of them… How I wish I have someone to grow old with me and be there when I’m old and frail and probably needs his support to even walk… and to be as loving even though both of us have no teeth when we are smiling at each other… doesn’t matter how much wrinkles both had accumulated because what you see, is the face of the lover that you had fell in love with at the very beginning…

So that’s my answer… i could go on and on as usual but that’s the gist of it…

oh yes, and to my friend, why you dreamt of a big/huge whale… pls see the following… if you want me to analyze your dream, you will have to narrate the dream in more details.. but basically, to see a whale in your dream, it represents your intuition and awareness.  You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality.  Alternatively, it indicates a relationship or business project that is too enormous to handle.  You may be feeling overwhelmed.  The dream may also be a pun on “wailing” and a desire to cry out about something.

I was right about telling you to squat in a corner and cry to relieve the stress isn’t it?  Hiaks!!! The meaning of the whale in dreams is extracted from a dream dictionary and it could be further analyzed if only you can provide details… Without it,  I can’t do much… but seriously, I’m good at analyzing dreams… cos’ I was into dream analysis since primary school… hehe… But I dun do it for free de hor… hahaha…

Guess I will have another additional blog fan after this… hiaks! oh yes, *E*, thanks for the track ‘Estella’s Theme’ from Great Expectations… he knew I probably will love it since I told him I named Estelle after the female character Estella from Great Expectations… Think I mentioned the reason why in my previous blog entries… hahaha…

Shopping splurge on Sunday…

okay, no more shopping till Christmas… the other day went shopping with Estelle bought alot of things… Let me see what I bought… hmm, 2 tank tops from Uniqlo, 2 bras from M&S, bag and shoes and a 100% cashmere stole (aka a long wide scarf) from Muji… got Estelle her marshmellows… didn’t get anything for Estelle cos’ didn’t find anything nice at the shops for kids… Actually was contemplating on the stole cos’ it costs like 99 bucks but it’s cashmere and 100% somemore!!! whahaha… anyway, didn’t own anything cashmere so bought it cos it felt really good on the skin and it looks nice too… hehe… while I was just trying on the sample, this Indon tai tai came over and ask me what was that and she tried also… she said nice and asked me if I buying… told her no… hehe.. but in the end, I bought… whahaha… so at least one less person wearing the same thing mah… Estelle said it was nice on me too… It’s fun going shopping with Estelle cos’ she give her views on whether it’s nice or which colour to buy etc… but her taste in clothes are a bit different from mine… she likes the pastel colours but for me, i think everyone knows I’m into black… whahaha…

Anyway, missed my guy… always have great time with him whenever we meet up… hehe… especially laughing together… sometimes it’s good not to take things too seriously… just go with the flow i guess… hehe…

Estelle crying again…

This week it’s even worse… though her Daddy came to pick her up, I thought she wouldn’t cry since she has her Daddy… but then, the same thing happened again… so whether I send her back to her granny or her daddy, no difference… she will still cry… she even wanted to get the camera from her daddy to take a photo of me so that when she misses me, she can see my photo… aiyoh, when I heard this, I could feel my tears coming out of my tear ducts… guess she must be missing me really much everyday… but she gets distracted easily so dun think she missed that much also… actually I try not to call her everyday cos’ the more she noticed of me, the more she’s going to miss me… therefore, I only call her when I am going to pick her up which is every friday…

we had a great time as usual this weekend… felt that she’s getting older each day and her answers to questions are so adult-like… I mean, I think she’s smart… she is very matured for her age especially when it comes to rationality…

hope she is doing fine over at her daddy’s house… i really dun wish to see her bawl everytime I send her over… cos’ it makes me miss her even more…

2nd day on course… Basic Microsoft Word

Aiyah, I tot my standard for word is really so low so took up this course… learn a few things however, the class is really slow… so spent most of my time during class to surf facebook and play the applications… including the MJ game… hehe… however, it is very challenging since there is no sound of what tiles being hit and sometimes I have to keep switching windows whenever the trainer walk over… whahaha…

Had breakfast and lunch today with my guy… hehe… he so sweet de… morning he called me to tell me he’s picking me up and during lunchtime he msged me to see if I had taken lunch oredi… (cos’ yesterday when he msged me for lunch, I already had lunch… the lunch time at course is really early like at 11.45am/12pm)… Had a fun time with him during breakfast and lunch… All I know is that we kept laughing at each other’s jokes and disturbing one another… hehe… which I really enjoy always… hehe…

hmm… can’t wait for Estelle to come over tonight… I have so many things for her… the hello kitty blankets (x2) + the Ponyo soft toy… hehe… bet she will be too happy to fall asleep tonight… :P just now spoke to her over the phone and told her that I have something special for her… told her that I will show it to her tonight but I guess ‘Like mother, like daughter’, she can’t wait and shouted ‘Mummy, tell me leh!  Tell me now!!’… whahaha… so told her about the blanket but I still have the Ponyo as a secret… hehe… I know she is gg to love it… anyway, the cartoon ponyo looks like her… just like the girl in totoro… hehe…

Thanks Baby…

Met him for dinner just now… I didn’t know what to say at first cos’ obviously it was my fault but no matter how, I know I had to personally say sorry in the face, not over msgs or emails… and I did… He did scold me or I would say, more of say about what I should/shouldn’t have done… I understood before he said it but still I listened… I knew I deserve his scolding de… but after that, we were just like before…

So I want to say Thanks Baby… for well, forgiving me about what I did and I will not do it again.. I promised le… for you and for myself…

We went for dinner and walked around at The Cathay… Saw Ponyo at one of the pushcart and bought it for Estelle… it’s the same pushcart which I previously bought Domo for Estelle.. Anyway, I know she’s definitely going to love it… hehe…

I’m sorry…

Just did something that made my guy angry… It wasn’t intentional but I should have known… Should have controlled myself… I feel really bad and remorseful about it but I guess by apologising or feeling bad or remorseful doesn’t help to diffuse his anger…

I promised him that I will not do it again… but guess he’s still angry probably cos’ he may be thinking that I will break my promise… however, the promise is also to myself cos’ I shouldn’t put myself in danger…

I miss him alot but guess I’m the last person on earth he would want to talk to or see… *sob sob*… I think I may have said it many many times but still, I want to say I’m sorry Baby…

Estelle doing the crying thing again…

It’s been so long since Estelle displayed the seperation anxiety… She cried whenever I tried to leave her Daddy’s house… so I stayed with her and she persuaded me to stay by extending the time and things we do together… finally after 2 hours, she still continued and when I saw that she had probably calmed down and getting ready to sleep, I told her that I had to leave… but then again, she started crying and shouting ‘I want Mummy!!!!’ and was bawling really loudly into the corridor…

I had to leave cos’ I didn’t want it to become a habit whenever I send her back… in fact, it’s been so long since she does that… I also dun know why she did it this week… moreover, i didn’t spend more time with her this week… hate to have sad goodbyes cos’ it pains me to see her crying… that is why I only managed to leave after 2 hours… sigh… really dun wish to see her cry… sometimes feel really helpless to see her cry… I dun like to see ppl I love cry and I love her the most… I just want her to be happy…

Bintan, here I come!!!

hehe… booked the villa already… the trip is confirmed… now waiting my mum to extend her passport validity and I can book the ferry service… can’t wait for the trip in Dec… well, at least something to look forward to… Bali will have to wait ba…  hehe… actually there is a nice hotel at Bali and quite cheap too but fully book… think want to go Bali must book early lor… hmm… oh well, after Bintan will be Krabi in probably May next year!!! hehe…

Estelle is sleeping now so sneaked away from bed to surf the net… hehe… I slept about an hour this afternoon (cos’ awaken by many phone calls from work, damn!) so can’t really sleep tonight…

the other night told my guy to join my family for christmas dinner this year… i think his face turned white straightaway… says he’s scared… hmm… told him dun have to be lor cos’ I will be there also… nothing to be afraid of… moreover my family is not the type who will drill others de… hmm… got to book him early if not he may come out with an excuse to decline this invitation… i guess it’s up to him ba… but seriously, i want my family to meet the guy that I am in love with…

Bintan, here I come!!!! nearly…

ok… so my parents can make it for the trip… now only wait to check with my ex MIL and ex husband to see if Estelle can make it on those days… hehe… hopefully no problem… 7th to 10th Dec… will check with them tomorrow when I go over to pick Estelle up… once confirmed, can book le…

funny thing is my mum didn’t even ask me how much or what… usually she will ask how much the trip costs and if I tell her the price, she will say so expensive, save the money etc… so most times, when I buy stuff, I dun tell her the price… hehe… or I round it down.. :P  hopefully she dun ask this time around… if not, she sure confirm dun want to go.. then I will have to go to Bali alone… hehe… which I dun mind too… oh well, the Bintan villa is really tempting… I think it will be my first time staying at such a luxurious place… can’t wait to go… hehe….

Bali or Bintan?

Ok… now I am torn between these 2 choices… It’s either Bali alone or Bintan with my parents & estelle (provided I can get them along)… If they dun want to go, I think the answer is quite clear… Hmm, let me list out the pros and cons of each:-

Bali (if go, will be going alone cos’ my guy has confirmed that he dun have any more leave left)

i)  Cheaper than family trip to Bintan… Airfare + accomodation at Holiday Inn = $1,400 Expenditure for myself only… can spend more on booze.. hehe…

ii) Alone time + free to do whatever I want

iii) Long holiday, fares is quoted for 9D8N trip…

iv) Further than Bintan.. the further you travel, the more relaxed you are… hehe…

v) Going alone so might be a bit lonesome.. moreover never been to Bali.. however, did it before in Phuket so this con doesn’t really count… hehe… but will miss my guy lots…

Bintan with my parents and Estelle (provided I can get them to go as I mentioned)

i) Family travel trip… haven’t done that since when I was in primary school I think??? 

ii) As location is near, can bring Estelle along…

iii) Expensive… 2 bedroom villa + ferry fees = $2200  Expenditure for all will be more…

iv) Got to cater to needs of parents and estelle (afternoon nap lah, cannot eat that or this lah etc)

v) short holiday, price quoted is for 4D3N

vi) Good bonding time… moreover never brought my parents overseas also… maybe it’s time… as for Estelle, yes, never brought her overseas but she’s too young to remember anything… however, i know we will have lots of fun at the sea-front-private-pool villa!!!! hehe… anyway, promised her to bring her to Disneyland when she grows older, maybe in primary school (actually is I want to go again myself :P) hehe…

vii) they will feel bored while I’m busy sun tanning!!!! hehe…

Oh well… actually may not have to consider so much cos’ I’m quite doubtful that my parents will agree due to work committments and dog committments (there’s a dog at home so feeding may be a problem)… that is why I had asked my brother if he can help out these few days to feed the dog so we can go… he haven’t replied… if yes, then will ask my parents and also my ex in-laws to see if estelle can make it too… hehe…

Though Bali is very tempting… arrggghhhh… but I will feel good if my family is happy also… and the villa will be nice… hehe… okay, so set… Bintan with family first choice.. Bali with Ivy, myself and me will be second choice…

Finally got to smooch him after a week… hehe…

Was kinda disappointed last night cos’ I thought we were meeting up after my shift however, after my shift, I was quite puzzled on why he hadn’t called yet… so I called him and he was still at home… He said he went back home after work first and didn’t know that I wanted to meet him… *faint*… but I did tell him to call me and see if we can meet up tonight when he passed me the fish soup…

he offered to bring me out for dinner but I told him that it’s fine cos’ I wasn’t really hungry and since he’s at home and he sounded tired, told him to stay at home to rest… and I went back home (yes, I am a good girl this week, at least till thurs as for mon - wed, I went back home right after work, hehe)…

This morning when I was waiting for the bus to go to work, received a call from him… He told me to wait for him cos’ he will pick me up for breakfast and send me to work… hehe… had a short smooch when we were saying our goodbyes at my office…

And he even asked me out for lunch… hehe… went out for lunch and he sent me back and had a longer smooch during our goodbyes… we are supposed to meet tonight so i hope he dun pull the raincheck tonight… cos I really missed him and his kisses… haven’t kissed him for a week already… hiaks! yeah, i know, it’s not that long actually but to me, it is!!! hehe…

Fact is, I’m a smoochie, as in, I love to kiss and I can’t live without kissing… and I can kiss non-stop for the whole night… hehe… and for those who had kissed me before, you will know how good a kisser I am… :P  oh well, i know one person who loves my sloppy kisses.. hehe… Estelle!! of course…

Soup extremely sweet…

*giggling*… my guy is so sweet… i was doing duty and he called to ask me if I want anything… he was somewhere quite far from my office and he knows a food stall selling fish soup which is nice… so he ask me if I want some.. told him dun need to come all the way to send the soup to me cos’ didn’t want to trouble him and moreover, I have food in my office…

after about an hour later, he called me on the phone and told me that he’s arriving at my office to pass me the soup… aiyoh, so sweet de… and felt good to see him again cos’ very long didn’t see him already… but didn’t see him for long cos’ i took the soup and went back office… didn’t even kiss goodbye… hehe.. inappropriate mah, though I really wanted to plant a big fat kiss on him… hehe… anyway, hope to meet him tonight… miss him so so much… he made my day and it came just in time cos’ had a bad day at work (fed up with somebody at work, oh well, what’s new)… hehe… oh ya, when I drank the soup, it was really very sweet, must be cos’ it was added with love… *giggling*…

Bali in Dec???

Hmm.. was planning my leave for the rest of the year and realised that I have 13.5 days more to clear… minus out the major events and the leave period of my boss and my right hand man, it was just right… I have one week in Nov and 3 weeks in Dec… whahaha… it’s actually inclusive of my childcare leave… was thinking of going for a trip in Dec… Since Krabi most prob fix next year in May, I was thinking where else to go… So thought of Bali, Kuta Beach, since I haven’t been there before.. But quite ex leh.. there is one cheap and nice hotel but all rooms fully booked… the only place which is beachfront and nice left and cheapest out of all is Holiday Inn Bali le.. cost about $1200 for 8 nights… hehe.. plane tix cost about $170 flying by airasia… oh well… should I or should I not??  if I go, most prob go alone again cos’ my guy no more leave already… hmm… or dun go?? but I need my holiday… arrrggghhhh…

think estelle will be really happy cos’ I will be with her for like at least 2 weeks, one week in Nov and one & half week in Dec.. if I dun go, i will be with her for one month… wow!!! girl power for 1 month!!! hehe… anyway, dun know this year got bonus or not… sigh… but then again, I worked really really hard this year, so I should pamper myself a bit right???  :P  Bali, here I come!!! maybe… hehe…

was thinking going to boracay also.. but checked out the hotels there like not nice de leh… maybe beach is nice lah but hotels bit disappointing… then i think there are many transfers also, so think safer to go bali… hehe… maldives and mauritius too ex le, can’t go…

aiyah, how leh???  if I go, at least got this holiday to look forward to at the end of the year… sianz…

He should be back tonight…

Just back from my usual run again… actually today was kinda lazy to run cos’ felt tired.. but went anyway cos’ felt fat these few days… hahaha… at least feel a bit better after run… hiaks! today was a busy day at work and time passes quickly when it’s busy and finally, he should be back tonight… missed him so much…

and good, my boss will be back tomorrow… so at least no need to cover him anymore… everytime cover him damn suay one… but then again, he not around also good cos’ nobody will be at my ears, nagging and complaining about things… sometimes I just want to tell him straight in the face ‘Oei! you are the boss lah, at least you can do something about it (esp staff who dun work).. complain to me for f**k???!!!!! it’s not as if I’m the boss cos if I am, I would screw them upside down!!!’… hehe… his nagging and complaining can drive one crazy lor… especially when he comes at the wrong time, when I am really busy doing some work and he just plonk himself in my guest seat/sofa and just start yakking nonstop… actually sometimes I feel disrespectful cos’ I dun bother about him and continue doing my work… hahaha.. but no choice, if not, he will not stop…

Can’t wait to see my guy again tomorrow… miss him really much…

3 more hours to go… 1 & 1/2 months to go…

3 more hours to go before I end my shift… another 5 days the end of the event… After that, followed by a major exercise at end Oct and afterwhich, the last event (hopefully) for the year, in Nov… after that, all my officers will be going on leave and I will have to slog to continue with my baby project which I will have to float a bloody tender and stuff… sigh…

oh well… life at work still goes on… though it sucks and sucks extra cos’ got f**ked up ppl here… anyway… why can’t I post out????  sigh… I really want to go somewhere else and do some other things… kinda sick and tired of logistics… hmm… dun know how long I will be stuck here… I think I have contributed enough and also put in extra effort in what I had done… I was hoping to go back investigation which out of all my postings (investigation, command, staff) I loved investigation… cos’ nobody will disturb you if you move your cases and all you need to care about is your own cases… hahaha…

aawwwwww, i’m missing him too much… hope that I will dream of him tonight, at least get to see him in my dreams also happy… hehe….

Ppl who dun know me personally may be reading this too…

Just to continue on what I wrote last night since Estelle went back to her Daddy’s place… Well, cos’ tomorrow I am on duty so couldn’t care for her… had great fun with her again though it was short… we were laughing like crazy girls so loudly when we were enjoying teasing each other… hahahaha… and I think she laughs like me… hmm…

oh yes, sometimes it’s kinda scary to know that ppl who may not know me personally, knows some personal details about me… hahha… it will not be scary if I know that they read my blog or my status update in FB… but why would somebody who dun know you as a friend, bothers to read all these?  that is when it’s scary… guess they might have some agenda and i am very skeptical to all these… oh well, i’m not afraid of stalkers anyway… and of course there are more personal stuff which I dun really post in public…

I miss my guy lots… he’s not around for a few days… will only get to see him next week… but it’s alright, whenever I miss him, I will just send him an email…  doesn’t matter if i dun get any reply from him cos i know he is having a great time with his family… hope he enjoy himself and destress before going back to work…

Wondering exactly how many blog fans I have…

Hmm.. sometimes I wonder how many of my friends actually read my blog… I guess it doesn’t matter if no one reads it… this is more to me like a diary and also a way to provide updates for friends to who reads them..

Used to keep a diary when I was young… I love to write and especially noting down my feelings and thoughts… it’s a way of releasing stress and also to understand the feelings within… and it’s great to take out the diaries and read them from page one after a few years later… the old feelings will come back and I will remember what I had forgotten… more of like while reading, there will be flashback on my life back then… however, I dun have the habit of physically keeping the diary because most times, sad to say, I always end up throwing them away… cos’ most entries in my diaries are all about my then relationships… of course the start of the diary was always how happy I was in love, how lucky I felt being in love, how everything will turn out the way I want it to be like a fairy tale etc… but well, we all know that that didn’t happen, in fact, all my relationships… hiaks… just like my story posted in my earlier blog entries…

So well, I decided to keep a copy of my blog entries, in case the website crashed, or my account got hacked or whatsoever… I mean, I just saw my total entries in my blog… 345 entries??? OMG, didn’t know I had so much things to say though… hahaha… I started blogging frequently in 2008.. that’s like 1 and half years of blogging and I have 345 entries… so worked out to be average of 19 entries a month which means, I write an entry every 2 days… hiaks!! hmm…. I think that’s alot of updates about me… hehe…

and it doesn’t matter if I dun have any blog fans… hehe… it’s kinda entertaining to read back on what I wrote though some parts are kinda sad… but I guess that’s just life… it will never be smooth all the way… if it is, life will be so boring.. Life should be like a roller coaster, with its ups and downs…

hmm… will write somemore about this later.. got to go pick Estelle up… yay, girl power again.. hehe…

Demoralized…

Received an email from manpower this morning… after reading it, damn demoralized… sent out an email to them yesterday morning to ask them to surface my name for posting after major event in Nov… but their reply is that they had checked with my big boss last month however, my big boss not keen to let me go and suggested that I should stay where I am for a longer period… nearly fainted after reading the email…
I mean it’s like, come on, I know I am capable but just because I’m good and so I’m being held back though I want to post out?? Sigh… so should I slack? I mean, it’s like I’m a victim of my own doing…
oh well, wait and see ba… if I have the chance, I will speak to my big boss and see what she says…
sometimes you stay at the same place for too long, it gets too routine… actual fact is that I’m burning out… too much work, no men to run errands, too little time… sigh…

went for run last night…

Hehe… managed to go for a run last night though it rained… by the time I went for the run, the rain had stopped and fortunately, did not even drizzle… the only drizzle was my perspiration…

supposed to go out today but hmm.. my hot date is sick so guess it’s just me again, alone at home… sigh… oh well… everytime it’s like that, if i have a programme, then many other friends ask me out… if I dun have programme, nobody ask me out…

think i go get lunch and then try to get some sleep later… since nothing else better to do…

Estelle not coming over this weekend…

Today is the mid autumn festival and Estelle is not coming over this weekend cos’ she went back to Malaysia with her Daddy… however, last week didn’t see her also, so was missing her really much and therefore went over to daddy’s house to visit her and play with her for a while… ended up teaching her a bit of her school work and well, we did play also lah… hehe… had so much fun with her… just like sisters having fun… hehe… she had so much things to tell me and kept talking non-stop… same for me too… hehe… maybe cos’ we didn’t see each other for quite some time le… we can’t keep our kisses off from each other either… hehe.. anyway, today tried to jio my friends for MJ but all of them are not free cos’ everyone is spending the mid-autumn with their loved ones mah… hmm… anyway, gg to dinner with my mum and stepdad… actually they wanted to go early so that they can come back home in time to watch some drama show… but I was like, wat the hell, so early?  cos’ I only had my lunch at 2.30pm… then my mum said nvm, eat later lor… hehe…

looked so dark outside… actually wanted to go for a run in the night but looks like it’s not a good idea… looks like tonight will be a stormy night… hmm… see how… maybe go much later in the night… my muscles are getting too ‘relaxed’ and not firm anymore so must go work them out… moreover, i have my new NIKE+ watch le, so no excuse not to go running… hmm, ok, set… will go tonight if it doesn’t rain.. probably about 10pm like that… hehe…

*sometimes when things just seem so hopeless, you just got to believe in it… and it will come true… however, when things are meant to be, it will be… when they are not, it will not… and do what you need to do cos’ if you dun, you will regret it in the future… life is too short for regrets..*  with this, I am stil in high spirits… hehe…

Still feeling happy…

Still feeling really happy… *giggling like a small girl*… though today work is like S**T… nvm.. was kinda busy today at work… it’s like 100 emails a day??  and most have follow-ups to do… moreover, my boss still not back in office… whenever he’s away, everyone in office will quickly come to me to approve things as I’m covering his position… *pengz*

my buddy is coming back from HK… told him to help me buy Hello Kitty blanket for Estelle cos’ she’s outgrowing her current one… hmm, then I told him to buy genuine, not fake… cos’ i think fake Hello Kitty stuff look ugly and just not like the real stuff.. hmm, can’t wait for him to be back cos’ Estelle will definitely be really happy with the new blanket… hehe…

Really happy today….

Really very happy today… hmm… wun explain the happiness yet… anyway, busy at work.. supposed to go for my facial and massage today cos’ on half day PM leave but got to cancel my leave and appt cos’ my boss on 3 days’ MC… and there was a meeting scheduled for PM today so under the bo pian act, i had to rep my boss and attend the meeting…

another event is nearing… really tired… will collapse from over-working really soon… i am very sure, during APEC, confirm I will fall sick cos’ it’s always the case.. work too hard and fall sick… hai…

hope can pull through… i have lots of other work on hand and cos’ of all the events, dun really have time to follow up… hai…

F1 weekend..

Wow… it’s finally over… Was tired out with work.. but fortunately there were the concerts to keep me going.. hehe… 2 more events to go before the end of the year… after the events, i still have my big project to follow up… sigh… nvm… i think i should stop complaining and just do it…

I need a long break… hmm.. when can i go for my hols? damn!

F1 Rocks on Fri night!!!

Went for F1 Rocks last night… they were featuring *N*E*R*D, Simple Minds, ZZtop and of course, the band that I went for, No Doubt.. I didn’t really know the songs from the first 3 bands… For *N*E*R*D, I only know one song which is dun know what ’she’s sexy’.. I dun even know the title… For Simple Minds, I only know ‘Alive and Kicking’ plus ‘Dun you forget about me?’ … whahaha..

No Doubt was really good and hyper on stage… There is this group of girls in front of me who were really hyper also.. Think they are high on alcohol… like acting so crazy… one even took of her top and left with a tiny bandeau.. and come on, she is so flat lor… also, she was getting on on this ang moh… like really desperate and getting onto him when he didn’t give a hoot about her… but maybe they are bf and gf ba… not too sure… but didn’t know someone can be so desperate… those are the real SPGs lor… whahaha…

well, tonight is Black Eyed peas and Beyonce… hehe… Yay!!!! Can’t wait… :P

Cash deposit machine

Last night I was at the cash deposit machine… I wanted to update my bankbook to check if the buyers of my hello kitty pearl cards had banked in the money… However, there is this guy whom is like 3 persons ahead of me, he was like hogging the machine…

the update machine has the cash deposit function too… so this guy was like at the machine and trying to cash in a couple of hundred dollars… sometimes the machine just doesn’t accept some of the cash because the machine can’t bloody read the notes… however, this guy refused to give up and kept trying for at least 10 times… reputting the same notes into the machine… Wah lao eh… I was like wanted to shout to him ‘Oei, haven’t tried enough or what???!!!’ but since the ppl in front of me were not making any noise, i decided to just shut up.. but the more I think, the more I felt that only Singaporeans will behave like this… i mean, come on, it’s not like you are trying with new notes or what.. it’s the same bloody notes… and you are dealing with machines… if it can’t read the first time, maybe you try the 2nd or 3rd time… but after that, you would have given up… he tried like 10 bloody times lor… *pengz*… I was like really angry at first but started laughing at this sight… Singapore lang (which means singaporean in Hokkien)… so typical…

Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection

Had started out on the Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection about 3 weeks ago… had also started exchanging cards, buying/selling extra cards over the internet etc… wanted to make sure I have the whole collection so made the extra effort… hehe… actually I saw the book first and Estelle didn’t… so I pointed it out to her and she wasn’t so interested as she was more interested in some other princess sticker book or something else… then I told her that I’m getting the Hello Kitty one… hehe… I guess she must have rub off the Hello Kitty interest from me since she was a baby… maybe if she is given a choice, she wouldn’t pay a slight interest in HK… okok, it’s me… though I dun label myself as a HK crazed fan, I think I have slightly more interest in HK than the normal human being… hehe…

Still missing about 30 cards out of 124 cards… Hmm.. dun know if I am able to complete it or not…

Anyway, spent a long weekend with Estelle… we had our first picking-of-angsana (is it angsana? it’s known as ‘xiang si dou’ in Mandarin)-seeds experience at St Andrews Cathedral yesterday… she had so much fun… I had fun too… i mean, yeah, yummy mummy and daughter picking up seeds from the ground… aiyoh… hehe… i think she loved them cos’ they were red in colour… we practically swept the ground of all seeds… hehe…

hmm… going to be a really busy week… man, when can I be less busy???

‘The Ugly Truth’ & F1 recce

Well, just to update on last week’s events… which I missed posting and remembered now…

Went to watch ‘The Ugly Truth’ with him last week… Katherine Heigel is pretty and the male lead is handsome… basically the movie is about how ppl fall in love with each other even knowing the ugly truth about the other person…  In the show, Katherine tried to act and behave to make a potential guy like her.. and eventually she got the guy however, she realised that she was in love with the male lead and that it was tough for her to pretend to be someone else to be in love… well, will not reveal what happen at the end but it’s a feel good movie… well, it’s great if your partner loves you for who you are, with all the good and the bad cos’ no one is perfect…

Ok, now about the F1 recce few days back… went to F1 pit building for a recce for the event APEC… however, because next weekend is F1, there was extensive work at the F1 pit building area… then while I was sitting down with another colleague waiting for the rest, we saw this group of ang moh construction workers… wah lao eh, about half of them were hot and handsome lor… aiyoh… see already cannot take it sia… moreover they were like carrying things and sweating and stuff like that, so macho… hehe… then after that, the site supervisor (also ang moh) but uncle type and fat, was walking towards the building where we were sitting, he saw me and he looked like stunned… I didn’t really bother cos’ I thought maybe that’s his look… or maybe cos’ what I was wearing (I was wearing something translucent and you can see my brassiere through my translucent top)… but i mean, it’s not uncommon for guys to stare at me… whether they stare at me cos’ i pretty or ugly, i dun really know… then my guy colleague commented ‘wah, he see until didn’t blink ah’… with that, then I realised that maybe I’m not over sensitive… hmm… oh well, whatever… i dun feel comfortable when guys stare at me lor… :P 

which reminds me of how ‘D’ looked at me last night… his eyes were sparkling when he was gazing into mine… missed him already… and he just said he loves me when I asked him if he does… felt better after he said that… was afraid that he doesn’t even though I could feel the love from him, so asked him… at least now it’s not just my wishful thinking…

Found myself….

Found myself tearing over him again… Series of events happened but still no decision from him yet… All he could ask is for more time… sometimes I wonder why I’m still hanging onto a hope that a miracle will happen… a miracle like eventually we really would end up happily together, with blessings from everyone… He thinks that I’m still bothered about him not turning up at the airport for the Phuket trip… though I did mention a few times about the incident, that I was felt totally rejected when I finally checked in alone… and that probably he didn’t love me cos’ he didn’t turn up for me… but if I’m still bothered about that incident now, would I even still have any feelings for him now?  I admit that I was so affected by it especially right after that incident… All I could tell myself was that I hate him and that I could better off with someone else… Everyday I faced the mirror and tell myself ‘I dun love him.’ to rid the feeling of rejection and hopelessness.. But after I found out about some things, I realised that I might have misunderstood him… and that’s when I also realised that my brainwashing didn’t really do much and that I should just accept my feelings and move on with life… to go through the phases of a heartbreak and move on without him…  

But I found myself loving him again after I found out that he still loves me… I know it’s stupid but how can you control your feelings… especially feelings so deep… Till now, I still love him, I do… and I have never blame him for what happened… I always believe that things happened for a reason… and sometimes things happened though you dun want it to happened…

I love the laughters we have between us, the squabbles we occasionally exchange, the hugs and kisses we share, the intimate moments we immersed in when sharing our innermost feelings… I’m starting to wonder if he loves me because he loves me or just cos’ he doesn’t want to disappoint me…

Should I continue to wait for a miracle to happen or accept reality and give him up?  It’s just 2 weeks away… I think I will wait for the last time…

Is it so tough….

Is it so tough for one to say he/she loves you?  I dun know… For me, it is not tough… For me, it just comes naturally and will say it whenever I feel it… there’s nothing to be shy of or about cos it’s truly from the heart… unless it’s fake then it’s a different thing…

My mum taught me one thing… she said that if you ask the question ‘Do you love me/her/him?’ to someone and if there is even a slight hesitation, it shows that the person dun truly love… maybe just slight love or simply liking… Because one will not hesitate if the answer is true… Though I dun agree many things with her, I have to take her side on this one… When my ex came to take my hand in marriage, my mum ask him the same question.. he paused for a while and nodded his head… he didn’t even say out the answer… After the session, I asked him why he didn’t answer, he replied that he was shy or sthg like this type of things you dun say it out or whatever… Which I dun understand because for me, if I really love someone, and when ppl ask me if I love him, I will straightaway shout out loud saying ’Yes!!! I love him!!! I love him so much!!!’.. when I love someone, I will want to shout out loud to the world that I love him with all my heart and all my soul…

Maybe we are Asians… Asians are not really into expressing their feelings… And cos’ I’m very ‘Ang Moh’ which most of my friends will say that I am a Caucasian borne with yellow skin… then maybe that is why I dun hide my feelings… I laugh whenever I want to, cry whenever I want to, scold whenever I want to, love whenever I want to… some ppl say that there is a perfect timing for such things, but then again, what IS the perfect time?  shouldn’t feelings be spontaneous?  Isn’t the perfect time always NOW?  Hmm…

Always say things that you want to say or things you want the other person to know… family, friends, lovers… doesn’t matter who… cos’ you will not know when will you not get the chance to tell them anymore… in short, treasure what you’ve got, before it’s too late…

still sick so Estelle not coming over

Still sick… so for this weekend, Estelle is not coming over… I wanted to bring her back actually cos’ I really missed her very much but my MIL was right… cos’ if I bring her back, she is sure to catch the flu bug from me de… cos’ we always very close… Hmm…

Anyway, think many ppl had been falling sick recently… maybe it’s the bad air or what… talk about bad air, I haven’t been exercising le… wanted to go for a run the other day but think better not since was sick… later collapsed halfway also nobody knows… :P 

F1 is coming… very soon… And loads of work is piling up… I was looking through my roster the other day and I realised that actually I could still squeeze in to catch the F1 rocks! concert at Fort Canning… Yay!!! I bought the tickets liao… $300/- for Fri & Sat night… The reason why I go to watch is because there is No Doubt (on Fri) and Black-Eyed Peas (on Sat)… My duty is off on Friday, Saturday day shift and Sun night shift… hahaha… I thought I couldn’t catch any of them but fortunately I looked at the roster carefully and thought maybe I can still watch at least No Doubt on friday and realised that I can go for the Sat night one too since BEP only comes on stage at about 2115hrs… which most times they are not on time, so if I rush there in a cab, i can still make it cos’ my duty ends at about 2030hrs… hmm… can’t wait…

No fishbone after CT Scan

Seriously, ppl might think that I’m farking lying… but hell, i’m not… I did the scan and there wasn’t any fishbone… doctor had tried to press on my tonsils and it was pain so she said that it might be inflammation of the tonsils… didn’t give me antibiotics since i was on antibiotics for my flu… hai… got to go back there again next thursday to see if the pain is still there… but fortunately, there isn’t anything unusual about my CT scan… tot maybe there is some tumor growth or whatever…

they should have done this bloody CT scan on the very first day… the first 2 weeks were hell… after that, not pain anymore… maybe the fishbone went down my throat after 2 weeks and i could still feel the ’shadow’ pain in the 3rd week cos’ the wound was healing??  dun know lah… at least now felt relieved lor… no fishbone stuck anywhere… hahaha…

my nose started to feel blocked already… think the flu bug is finally acting up after a few days of cough and sore throat… if i haven’t recover by tomorrow, most probably not bringing estelle back already.. if not, she also kena from me… hai…

Pain miraculously gone…

Today I tried to squeeze my nose muscles to see if the sharp pain is still there… however, dun feel anything at all… maybe it’s the painkillers which I had been taking for my body ache and my headache… will continue to monitor the pain so that can decide whether to go for the CT scan on thursday…

feeling slightly better today… but again, couldn’t sleep last night… anyway, managed to get some sleep till 9plus today and slept a while in the afternoon… no phone calls today and subsequently realised that my work phone may be down… it’s like I didn’t off it but ppl couldn’t get through when they call… oh well… dun know if i can get a replacement… sigh, if not, ppl think I purposely off my handphone…

I guess I will try to sleep earlier tonight… Have a long long day tomorrow.. recces in the morning and afternoon… Sianz…

Sick…. & fishbone ain’t out yet… Sigh…

Fell sick today… actually last night could feel it already however brushed it off and tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well… anyway, this morning also tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well and even wanted to go for a recce at 11am… but by 10am, i started to feel that my head was throbbing more than ever and that I was starting to lose my voice… even my colleague who didn’t see me in the morning, could hear that I was sick just by talking over the phone… aiyoh… thank god no runny or block nose… only bad cough, sore throat, body ache and headache… no fever also… on 2 days MC… hopefully by Wed I am okay because Wed I have recces for the whole day.. waaahhh…

even brought my laptop home so that I tot maybe I can clear some stuff from home tomorrow… took medicine and now waiting for the cough mixture to kick in and can have a nice sleep *cross fingers* hopefully no nightmare… shd have gone to the doctor’s this morning but thought I can tolerate for at least a day or a few days and maybe situation gets better… but I guess it doesn’t work that way… at least now with medication, situation may get much better by tomorrow.. hai…

thursday still got to go for CT scan… the pain is still there… my GP even ask me if the infection is caused by the fishbone stuck as I told him that they couldn’t find the fishbone yet… whahaha… dun know… see how lah… must rest these 2 days… got to recover by weekend so able to see estelle…

Pain is still there…

I doubt the pain will go away… been 2 and half weeks… still have the sharp pain when I squeeze my nose muscles… though not as pain as when I first felt the pain… and seriously, I am very very curious what the thing exactly is… whether it’s really a bloody fishbone and how the hell did the fishbone get stuck up in my tonsils??  All I could remember of the fish dinner was that I felt that I was swallowing the fishbone so I quickly cough it out however, it didn’t come out so I continued to eat… I felt the pain only after the dinner… hai… damn, must be because I was laughing at a friend to had his fishbone get taken out by a doctor… I was saying that how can an adult swallow a fishbone… The last and only time that I had a fishbone stuck in my throat is when I was 7 years old… but well, should have known not to laugh at others… now ownself kena…

Been having the weird dreams again… I hope tonight I will have sweet dreams instead of weird dreams… I miss him alot… anyway, we went out the other night and placed a bet over a game of pool… the one who loses will have to quit smoking… and obviously I lost cos’ he’s good… he always wins others at the open table so well… yeah, I lost… told him that once I finish whatever I have, I will stop… in fact, if he had chosen me, I would have stopped for him cos’ why smoke when there’s no reason to?  I gave it up for him once when we first got together… but picked it up again once things get a bit confused esp. when it comes to our status… so confusion plus stress at work equals pick up smoking again… I dun know if I will be able to do it again this time around… I hope I can… it’s going to be tough because I’m starting to feel alot alot of work stress already… and it’s just starting only… had been busy since Mar this year… had a break in May and supposedly was a romantic break but ended up heart-break… time passes really quickly… but when you misses someone, the time seems to be ticking away so slowly…

Weird weird dreams…

Had been having really weird dreams about me and ‘D’… and funny thing is, I can remember all the weird dreams… wun really give explicit details about the dreams but basically, dreams of him choosing me though we are not together now… even dreamt that we were in Santorini, Greece, watching the sunrise together… but then, the ending was that I died in his arms, watching the sunrise… :P maybe it’s the bloody nose pain thingie… I’m not really worried about what it could be cos’ the worst will be cancer nia… And I’m not afraid to die so really no issue… the only issue is whether those who are close to me will be able to cope or not… like estelle, my family and of course ‘D’… hai…

there were other dreams too… oh well… maybe will give details some other time… been really busy with work…

Mummy, I want stories!!!

Estelle always says that before she sleeps… she always insists on me telling her stories before she is willing to close her eyes to try to sleep… And seriously, it’s tough… it’s not the stories from the books but everytime, she will spot something in the room and say, I want a story about an egg… the main character of the story is random cos’ she just say whatever she sees or whatever she thinks about… so I will have to come out with a story straightaway… hahaha… not easy but I’m creative so the stories comes out really easy also… hahaha… and all the stories start with ‘Once upon a time …’ and they end with ‘… and they live happily ever after. The end.’ hahaha… what a cliche… but she loves them so…

went to the doctor again for the stupid fishbone thingie… i think it is not stuck in my throat but more of stuck up my nose… the pain is still there however, the pain will only come if I move my throat and squeeze the muscles in my nose… doc say that the bone could be stuck in my tonsils which is up in the mouth cavity… he also ask me if the pain is bearable as compared to 2 weeks ago… It is not as pain as previously so he told me to wait for another week and if the pain is still there, got to go for a CT scan… hmm… maybe it’s not fishbone… maybe it’s tumour?? well, what the heck… doesn’t matter cos’ i just want to get rid of the pain…

Orphan

Went to catch Orphan the other day alone… after my excel class… this whole week had been on course and 2 days of next week will be on leave to spend birthday time with Estelle… Her birthday falls on Teachers’ Day…

Ok, my excel course (2 days) was good as it was the basic course and at least now, I know more features about excel and hopefully can put it into good use… the other course was Speed Reading… Actually I am quite a fast reader already… I can do a 300 over page novel in 1 day of about 9 hours… of course got break in between lah… we did a test before the course to benchmark how fast we are doing.. I think I do about 280 words per minute… 80% retaining (questions were asked about the passage) and my reading efficiency is about 230 words per minute… After the course, everyone was doing at about 1800 wpm with 70-80% retaining… :P It’s a skill and got to practice to be faster lor… but then again, it’s quite draining but surprisingly my retaining was quite good also…

Anyways, went to catch Orphan… It’s good… I mean not fantastic but good lor… there was this part which brought me to tears about the little girl who was deaf and she asked her mom to read her a story and the same story every night… it’s about her sister going to heaven (died)… her mom had a stillbirth and the little girl asked about her sister… made me think about my miscarriage… if I didn’t had the miscarriage, estelle would have a little sister now le… well, guess it just wasn’t meant to be…

a week of course ahead…

Yes… finally get to attend courses… though away from work one week, decided to bring back my laptop to at least clear email and work everyday so that at least wun be too bogged down by emails after I am back at work on 2nd sept… hahaha… yes, I’m really hardworking de okay…

sometimes I wonder how things can be so coincidental lor.. like especially when you dun expect something to happen that way, then eh… hahaha… wun describe it over here… i will just say that it’s some neighbour issues and I think I should start fixing CCTV outside my house… so at least my mum can have peace in mind… it’s tough to have difficult neighbours lah…

had a great time with estelle over the weekend… brought her to pulau ubin for some hiking… but most times, she is on tow in the child bicycle seat… and I had to slog pushing very hard to pedal and be safe and also when up the slope, got to push the bicycle cos’ too much load to try to cycle upslope… safer this way also.. and she enjoyed being outdoors, trying to pick up all the flowers in the fields and even brought 2 granite rocks back home… *faint*… hahaha… she said she had a great time and wants to go back again…

hmm… long week ahead with my course and obviously will have work since boss will expect me to work if I have remote access… damn!

Diet!!!!

I think I should go on a diet soon.. had been eating like a pig today… though did not put on fats or weight recently, I feel that I can lose some more weight lor… cos’ still have some fats on stomach though it looks flat… hahaha… no worries lah, i not aneroxic…

tomorrow is our dept’s bowling compeitition… last year our group came in so close, fourth… this year must definitely get at least top 3 lor… sigh… can one lah… must do it, must bring back the trophy… hahaha… aiyah, see how lah… actually quite heng suay also…

this week really busy so could not squeeze in any runs… actually had been tired cos’ haven’t got enough sleep but just couldn’t sleep leh… i think my updates in FB is just ’slept only 4 hours’, ‘can’t sleep again’ etc… situation quite bad… hmm… I always try to sleep early but take a long time to fall asleep… maybe too much things on my mind??  or am I forcing myself too hard to fall asleep??  sianz…

Bruno

Bruno is definitely not as funny as Borat… Think that Borat is much funnier… think maybe i should watch borat again… have borat in my computer… hiaks!!

Met up with D last night… wasn’t conclusive as usual… well, i’m just going on my way as usual so that there will not be any disappointment again… cos’ no more energy and tears left… told him that i will not wait for him but more like, he do what he needs or should i say, want to do and after that, once done, to ask me if i’m attached by then… told him not to take too long cos’ i wun know when a new guy will touch my heart… think it’s a bit hard now since i tried really hard to shut my heart out…

busy with work as usual… non-stop… crumbling very very soon…

Shopping frenzy…

just came back from a shopping frenzy with Estelle at ION orchard… actually wanted to just go look around cos’ haven’t went there to take a look when it had opened… in the end, bought lots of things and I actually bought like 4 pairs of shoes at this place called ‘new look’… dun know why buy so many pairs of shoes over there but the shop actually reminds me of my time at NYC… hahaha… bought like a pair of red heels, pink heels, a white wedge and a black flats… Went to MUJI, and end up buying a see through dress also… went to Uniqlo and bought a grey jacket which is damn cool… whahaha… spent too much le, cannot go shopping for the rest of the month… sianz… bought a winnie the pooh book from Borders for Estelle and bought her some Japanese sweets from Nippon-ya & MUJI.. didn’t buy anything esle for her cos’ there isn’t anything to buy leh…

oh ya, last night forgot to update that Estelle had her first performance on stage on 8th Aug for some NDP celebration at punggol… the videos can be found in YouTube… under my account ‘ivyling7′ or search under ‘Estelle’s first performance actual’ and ‘Estelle’s first performance rehearsal’…  she’s really cute… when I saw her the first time on stage, I actually teared… now I know how it felt to see your own kids on stage…

my brother informed that he will be changing my NIKE+ sportsband for me… finally the stock will be arriving… and now it comes in 2 colours, pink and yellow… then he asked me what colour I want… of course PINK lah!!!! hahaha… I think I ran so much le but ran so much not captured… hai, think I will start my running regime again soon… with my sportsband… hee…

Hmm… better go already… Estelle may be waking up soon…

10 days of no blogging…

Well, many things happened from the last post till now… my baby project finally got recognition but though still ongoing… I was on tv… visit channelnewsasia/video and see under 12 Aug… yeah, that was my baby project… anyway, caught a few shows also… caught ‘The Hangover’, ‘UP’.. I dun remember if I missed out any more shows but well, UP is so good… The hangover probably reminds me of how my friends and I can be if we drink too much… whahaha… but funny…

Also caught KEANE’s concert 2 nights ago… They were fabulous… just great… i mean, their live shows can be as good as their studio recordings if not better… and managed to get lots of video… however, my friend was so loud that all I could hear lots of his voice in the background in most of my videos… actually i’m guilty of singing real loud also but well, hell yeah, loved them… KEANE is one of my fav band, after coldplay…

received a message from him last evening… he remembered that he owe me an answer on 14th Aug… but well, i kinda already knew his answer since the last night we met a month ago… so we arranged to meet up on Monday night for dinner… dun know what will turn out of it but my best bet will be he didn’t choose me and we remain as friends… I dun know… I guess, maybe we are just not meant to be…

Mixed feelings…

1 more week… 8 days to be exact… half of me can’t wait for the day to come… the other half really wish that the day will never come… what if I am not the one he chooses?  I know my broken heart will be further broken into even smaller pieces… I keep myself busy and engaged with other things so that I will not have alone time to think about all these because my heart always aches when I think about him and us…

Have been deprived of sleep since the day we broke up in May… I rarely get good night sleeps and I feel that I am going to go down soon… like maybe crash in bed for a few days minimum… to continue sleeping and sleeping and sleeping… to make up for all the lost hours of sleep for the past few months… think that will only happen when I have a peace of mind… after next week ba… then again i can’t… too packed with work… I think earliest date will be in sept… I dun know…

I dun know how he’s been doing… never asked my friends about him too… maybe by now, he would have already forgotten about me… which is probably good too… to have one suffering is better than 2 suffering… I miss him lots… very much… how I wish I can have a comfort hug from him now…

Brangelina

Read in New Paper today that Brangelina is finally hitting the rocks… Woohoo!!! When Brad and Jennifer got together, I thought it was like a fairy tale romance cos’ I always find that Brad and Jennifer was the perfect pair… I liked both of them and in fact, I was a fan of Brad… But after Brad broke up with Jennifer to be with Angelina, I think he was crap… Plus all the denial about them not together though there were claims that they already hooked up during shooting of Mr & Mrs Smith… Come on, be a man about it lah… If they got together, then admit it… Why the hell hide about it???  After that, also announce that they are together what… Hypocrites…

Anyway, was really pissed that Brad broke Jenni’s heart… After that, didn’t watch any Brad’s movies cos’ didn’t like him anymore… I knew that Brangelina will not last long cos’ Brad need someone like Jenni and not a wild and strong headed slut… sorry I used the word but well, she knew about Brannifer so why step in and messed things up???  no matter what was the underlying matters of the marriage then, she shouldn’t had gotten involved before they settled their matters…  If it was just a fling, leave it as that… does she really need to break up their marriage… Sigh… I thought Angelina was someone weird and she should know what was kharma… Good kharma goes around and bad kharma goes around too… Do unto others and others unto you… But well, I was kinda getting used to Brangelina after they got Shiloh… And thought maybe they can really grow old together… I am not the kinda person to curse others’ relationship cos’ I always felt that being together is really not an easy thing and that relationships should be treasured… So my attitude towards Brangelina is good for you guys but pity for Jenni who has to nurse her wounds…

What’s up with men?  In the article, sources say that Brad regretted leaving Jenni and that he is still in love with her… Why leave in the first place?  Must things happen and afterwards, they realised that things shouldn’t have happened in the first place?  Anyway, I am not making any references to my previous marriage or previous relationships… To me, I will never ever be back with my ex husband/boyfriends because there will never be trust again even if got back together… If they do it to you once, they will do it again…

It’s sad that the men have to go through everything before realising some things… when consequences were already been predicted or foreseen and they were warned of it… but still they continue to do it… After that, they regret it… Are they really no-brainers or do their small heads control them??  hiaks!!  Fortunately women do not have 2 heads…

Usually by the time the men realise things and regrets about their relationships, it will be too late… When a woman gives up on her heart, 99% of the time, she will not turn back.. especially for the modern women now… cos’ they do not need to rely on the men for survival… For a woman, to have stability with man is not a necessity, it’s a bonus…

My heart for ‘D’ will be dead real soon, in 11 days’ time… If he’s not turning back, that’s it… It will be a loss for him, not me cos if he’s not turning back, he’s the one who gave it up, not me… It’s not a loss for me cos’ if he chooses the other, it shows that he doesn’t truly loves me.. Simple logic…

Actually after phuket, my heart was probably 90% dead le… but he revived it and yet… Sigh… Dun he know that I really love him?  Sometimes ppl dun realise it until they loses it…

Keane’s concert…

Bought tix for Keane’s concert…  Can’t wait to go on 13th Aug… Anyways, seems like I’m totally dried out so haven’t been blogging much… Dun know what to write too… Thoughts are filled with lots of things… work… him… 2 more weeks…

Sexy lingerie…

Estelle commented something during the weekend and I kinda recall it when I was dressing up for work this morning…

Anyway, I can still recall when I was young, I used to ask my mum on why she dresses in sexy/pretty lingerie since they are all ‘under’wear and most times, you only get to see them in private… If I am not wrong, she replied that ‘for self to see lor’… whahaha…

Estelle at most times, is around when I am changing… so when I changed into my sexy lingerie (cos we were going shopping), she saw my brassiere and said ‘Mummy, you look very nice leh’… then I was thinking, eh, how come cos’ they all look the same, lacy… so I asked her why she made that comment… then she pointed to my brassiere and said ‘because of the pink ribbon in the centre’… whahaha… I bet next time she will ask the same question which I had asked my mum… hiaks! 

And there was this time when Estelle went shopping with my mum… think they went to giant and they gave out the promotion pamphlets and all… so during the ride home, my stepdad asked her what she will want to buy for Mummy… She looked through the whole pamphlet and after about 30 secs, she pointed to the pink panties and said ‘Pink colour panties’… my mum then asked why they wanted to know the reason why before laughing out loud… Estelle said ‘Because Mummy only have black colour panties… All black colour, not nice… Pink colour is nicer’… whahaha… when i heard it, i was laughing and asked Estelle again… she said the same thing however, she made the scrunchie face when she said ‘black colour not nice’… whahaha

Well, nothing wrong with women who are crazy over lingerie… I think it’s great for women to feel sexy about themselves, about their own body… always look and admire myself with underwear in the mirror before getting ready for work in the morning… whahaha…

Conked out last night…

Was really tired last night… my eyes were very heavy and my mind was totally exhausted… but was afraid that I couldn’t sleep though was sleepy so popped one pill… I think I slept at 11pm… yes, that is considered very early for me already… then again, after I woke up at 7am, still really tired and eyes were still heavy… so lapped up on the mascara and the eyeliner to cover the sleepy eyes… my eyes felt a bit swollen, maybe I cried in my sleep last night… think I had a nightmare last night again… yes, dreams are real to me so if the dream is real funny, i will laugh… if it is sad, I will cry…

Hai, when can I have happy and sweet dreams???  I think I haven’t been laughing or smiling from the heart for a long time le… it’s like even when I laugh or smile now, it’s all superficial… i mean I dun want to pull a long face in front of my family, friends and colleagues right?? 

I’ll be fine… just give me some time…

Wanted to go for run…

Wanted to go for a run tonight but sky didn’t look too good… looks like going to rain… anyway, really tired today… maybe I should try to sleep earlier tonight… 10pm maybe???  if I can… Hai… dun know is it cos my mood is low that is why it’s causing me to have the sleepless nights…

I miss him lots… but guess he will never know… 

Really really in extremely low mood… plus so much work… hopefully I dun slip into depression… hai…

Love forecasts for 2009…

Well, though the year is already in the 2nd half, I thought I just try this application in FB on love forecasts for 2009… see results :

Great Expectation
You naturally expect more from your relationships this year: A growing awareness of your own potential arouses your desire for a partner equally interested in seeking more from life. Visionary Jupiter in your sign indicates that you´re unwilling to settle for less than what you want. Additionally, serious Saturn in your 8th House of Intimacy until October 29 reflects the need to restructure your most important relationships. The limitations of others may force you to talk about making fundamental changes if you and a partner hope to remain close. If he or she is willing to work with you, there´s no limit to how far you can go together. However, a lack of effort will lead to stagnation and a loss of trust that can permanently undermine your bond. A Lunar Eclipse in expressive Leo on February 9 falls in your 7th House of Relationships. Expect powerful longings to connect with someone new or to go farther with a current mate. Yet dreamy Neptune´s opposition to the eclipse indicates that you may be projecting fantasies, so double-check your assumptions before you make any dramatic moves.

Wow, it scares me too… So correct at least till now… everything is so true in this… if you had been following my blog or those friends who I always keep updated, you will understand and agree with me too…

Went for this course today ‘Anger and stress management’ but well, come on, I learnt all these before lah… my boss even said ‘Yah, you should go cos’ you are always so mean to somebody’… pls lor… Generally speaking, I am not mean, in fact, I am a very patient person… but to certain ppl, patience has its limits… I really can’t extend the limit of my patience to that particular person… just too bad… for me, to vent out is better than to control… hahaha… anyway, I took psychology and I should know better in all these what… hmm… it’s really all in the mind… and it really boils down to what you want to believe in… the mind is really a powerful thing…

Obssessed

Went to catch ‘Obssessed’ with Andy and gf last night cos’ was too tired.. at first I thought that Cathay AMK was showing at 9.45pm however when I reached the cinemas, they told me the last show was at 6.40pm… Damn, maybe I saw the dates wrongly or what… Hai… then eventually we went to Bishan GV to catch the show at 10.50pm…

The movie wasn’t great… only great thing about the movie is ali larter, the girl from Heros and of course Jerry O’connell… :P hahaha… anyway, the show is mainly revolving around a woman who is sick in the mind lah… hope I’m not like that but seriously dun mind being as pretty as ali… hahaha…

Now waiting for Estelle to come over after her sunday school… hai, the weekend is really short… how i wish i can go for another holiday… just breakaway again… sianz… always looking forward to the weekends with Estelle cos’ she always makes me smile de…

Feeling down suddenly…

Estelle went to a wedding dinner with her Daddy so here I am, all alone on a Sat night… actually wanted to go to Orchard to do some shopping alone but think better dun go cos’ sure spend money de… so decided to just stay at home and rot away… msged my best friend to ask him out but no reply leh… so guess he’s busy ba…

I still can’t get over the fact about why someone can say that he loves me the most and yet didn’t choose me… anyway, wun talk much about this until 14 Aug ba… Hmm… dun know if I can last till then also… sometimes I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again… No worries, I’m not sucidal, just really really tired, mentally and emotionally…

Just feeling really unwanted…

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince…

Went to catch Harry Potter… fortunately able to get a seat somewhere in the middle… Almost all cinemas were full cos’ checked over internet… was kinda late and maybe missed about 5 mins into the show… Anyway, it’s good and I can’t wait for the next one… I think before the final installment, got to watch all 6 previous installments first…

haven’t been sleeping well recently… hai, wat’s new… i think for the past week, on average, I only had 4-5 hours sleep every night… still have alot of work on my mind… I guess it’s a blessing also… when there’s alot of work, less time to think about other things… Still waiting for my ups in life… what goes up must come down, what goes down must come up… i’m at the bottomline already, how come still not coming back up??? Hai…

Anyway, forgot to update the results of my IPPT… done well this year BUT still no gold cos’ I really can’t run… hahaha.. my timing for running should so far been the best for all these years… 14mins 12 secs… only got silver nia… aiyah, doesn’t matter, as long as I clear my IPPT, i’m happy… hahaha… no more tests to take this year lor… can concentrate on work now… yeah, too much work… TOO much work… one big cons of work is have to work with someone who is dumb and stupid and useless… hai…

just booked IPPT date… on Wed… Hai…

Ok… booked my IPPT date… 2 days later… whahaha… on Wed… hopefully can get at least silver again this year… actually dun ask for much lah, as long as can pass can liao… whahaha… no running tonight and tomorrow… rest till Wed then go and run like there is no tomorrow… whahaha… always the same hurdle which is the 2.4km jog… the rest of the stations is gold standard de, jus can’t run that well so in the end, silver nia…

*cross fingers*… once cleared, I dun have to worry for the rest of the year for these 2 tests le… last night’s run was smooth and fast… maybe already conditioned ba… :P  damn, always get butterflies in the stomach before the IPPT run… whahaha…

Hmm… busy busy this whole week… busy with appts also… whahaha… all the hot dates… :P no time to watch harry potter also… maybe next week ba… sianz… dun get the wrong message… hot dates can be with girls, family, guy friends etc… hahaha… not necessary appts with potential/interested partners are called hot dates de hor… :P  Hai… Bz Bz Bz… miss him…

had been running…

Yes, think most of my blogs are all about running nowadays… guess that is one of my stress reliever… also, training up for IPPT… cleared my shooting already so last one will be IPPT… This year I am 30 years old le so new catagory liao lor… whahaha… hmm, must go and book my IPPT tomorrow… faster clear at least one thing off my back if not my boss should harp me again… though he haven’t lah… but before he can do it, better go finish it first…

Was wondering when my life can finally go for the better… had been in the dumps for like years… since 2006???  wow, it’s 3 years in the dumps… though there had been some ups with *D*, it wasn’t really lasting… after that, it was deeper into the dumps… hmm…

had a great weekend with estelle… brought her to watch Ice Age 3 on Sat… we had fun together, just the 2 of us… GIRL POWER!!! hiaks… weekend was short… and it’s back to work again… another busy week… I wonder when will I say that it is not a busy week… damn!!!

Anyway, decided not to join any runs this year… Just received the invite for Shape Run but since I had been running regularly this for the past month… i think I dun really need to join these runs to push myself to go jogging… maybe I will join the Stan Chart half marathon but then again, the date (1st week of Dec) I may not be around leh… got the stupid study trip to UK/US (not confirmed anyway too)… sianz…

Ran again today…

Yes, went for my usual 8km run again… but 5 mins into the run, suddenly had stitches… the rest of my 50 mins were in pain lor… whahaha… think sweat alot cos’ of the pain… think I’m breaking down real soon… i mean at work… my boss commented that I shouldn’t be so mean towards one of my colleagues… I think my colleagues would know who it is… whahaha… say I should go for the anger management course… actually I can control my anger, just sometimes, some ppl are just so full of S**T that I got to whack him to wake up his idea…

anyways, I really dun know how to pull through in work… really really want to give up… esp now, so farking busy and so low morale… everything not going the way we want it… it’s not like as if we are not busy enough, everytime must have something extra… last year like that, this year also like that… hai… sometimes just want to squat in a corner and cry… whahaha…

too much things and boss keep going on leave… every month at least go on one week leave… then when he goes on leave, in addition to all my work, i still got to cover him… hai… how to work like that??? nvm… watever… the most never do well, kena screw nia… not like it’s the first time… when things go well, nobody say anything… when things go wrong, everybody got something to say… fark…

Uni Uni Uni, yum yum!!!

Think I’m starting to love Uni… For those who loves Japanese food, they will probably know what this is… it’s sea urchin… yes, it’s very expensive but it’s heavenly… first time I eat it, it tastes a bit weird… but after that, the rest of the time it’s heavenly… melt in your mouth kinda taste… taste of the sea and yet have a stronger taste than the crab… Hmm, there are ppl who comment how come I always like things that melt in my mouth like the orgas cake and ice cream… I also dun know leh… hahaha… probably can feel the texture from hard to soft ba… Eh, dun think dirty ya, you guys…

Had dinner with him just now… it’s been coming to 3 weeks but he still haven’t told me if he had settled his issues with his ex… actually he got back with his ex 2 weeks after we broke up in mid May… Did I mention this before??  He thought he was still in love with her but when he went back together with her, he realised that he doesn’t love her anymore because he was thinking of me all the time, even when he was with her… How do I know this?  Because I wrote him an email explaining why I picked up some bad habit again (not drinking lah) cos he saw me… then told him the reason why like cos’ of work stress and stuff, and it still hurts thinking about us… then he wrote back to tell me all those things…

Had mixed feelings when I read the email… I dun know if I should be happy or be sad… Happy cos’ at least he finally knows who his true love is and what he wants… sad because why did it take us to go through so much before he knows that I’m the one he truly loves… we went out and talk after that… I told him that I’m still moving on alone now, esp when he’s still not done with his ex… deep down, I know he wouldn’t bear to hurt her just to be with me… so seriously, i’m not hoping much or at all… that is why I’m still moving on alone, till he joins me… if he does, it’s a bonus, if he doesn’t, at least I’m still moving on… I told him that he will probably have to try really hard to get me back because it doesn’t mean that I will accept him back even if he wants to patch up… and I told him if he takes too long, I may be attached to someone esle le, who knows?  I’m not short of suitors you know… :P

We are still going out… but only about once a week… told him that I will always try to meet up with him at least once a week cos’ I dun wish to forget about him after knowing his feelings… in fact, the email, I didn’t initiate it… he smsed me… if he hadn’t, I dun think I will msg him at all… I was starting to get used to not msging him… I think after coming back from phuket or should I say, after the closure after phuket, I didn’t msg him anymore… I treated him just like close friends ba… but didn’t want to msg him too often, cos was successful in ridding the bad habit…

I told him that this will be the last chance for him, if he ever wants to patch up again… this is the last try… if he is to let me down again, that’s it… I know some of you may think why I’m giving him all these chances again and again… I felt sincerity in his email and felt his regrets… I dun want him to live in regrets… so even if he were to not choose me again, at least he will feel better not living in regrets… he shouldn’t be regreting since he had a second chance to make the choice again… no need 3rd or 4th chance after that… cos’ he shouldn’t have any more regrets after the 2nd time… He knows how impt this is, to both of us… so I think he will make the choice that he wants…

Maybe the last time I gave up too easily… I could have fought for him but I really didn’t wish to see him miserable… I really felt that he had so much in his mind, so lost on what he should do or not do… to make things easy for him, I lead him on, with my questions… I felt that he didn’t really want to be with me cos’ we were really struggling as a couple… he looked miserable with me… anyway, yeah, I knew he was confused about our relationship and its future… but for me, it was clear… I had directions but for him, he was lost… so my questions were to lead him to breaking up, or at least make him say things to allow myself to leave so that I wil not have to wait till the day he tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore… it still hurts when I think back… but it’s over anyway…

Well, I’m just me… Too nice a person… esp to ppl I loved and love…

Shopping!!!

Had some S**T at work… things aren’t going so well for me at work… really up to my neck and more work piling up (cos other ppl’s work fell in my lap)… seriously, up there to my neck, going to drown really soon already… hai… but no worries, I will go through this… it’s like the business never stop at all… no lull period at all… hai… dun talk about how busy I am le.. talk already also sianz…

Anyway, went for my test shoot this morning… Yes, finally marksman again… after I missed marksman last year by 1 point… hahaha… oh ya, saw my diving buddy at the range… called him but he didn’t hear me… ya rite, dun know if he purposely ignore me or not… hahaha… after that he msged me and apologise… kns… nvm, at least I earn a treat for dinner next time… hahaha…

Actually today need not go to work cos’ we are working for alternate days this week, however, went back to office to clear some work… and work till 6pm… hai… wanted to leave much earlier but the longer I stay in office, the more work in my face… and got to move office somemore… will still be holding the same post however office space is somewhere else… Damn, hate to move and someone else is going to use my precious office… hai…

Since wasn’t feeling so good, thought of going shopping since I wanted to go for the Zara sale and buy some SKII stuff.. so went to vivo… Saw a really jude pair of shoes at Zara but no size for me… sianz… the smallest they have is 37, I need a 36… so in the end, didn’t get anything from Zara… shopped around and got a cool jacket & dress at Mango… hahaha.. then got a bag from M)phosis… :P  and got my things from SKII… no more shopping for me this month already… hahaha… actually was trying to shop for shoes but didn’t see any nice ones… hai… had been looking for shoes for very long le… can’t seem to find the right ones leh…

anyway, haven’t been blogging cos’ busy.. and probably not in the mood to also… nothing seems to go well for me… personal, work… all sucks…

wow, ran 3 times this week…

ran 3 times this week.. Sunday night, monday night & tonight… total distance covered 8km x 3 = 24 km… hahaha… hmm… maybe saturday morning go for run also… see how… cos’ estelle going to watch transformers with her daddy on sat morning..

Transformers 2 was good!!! more action scenes between the robots… and megan fox is so hot!!! hahaha… she’s my inspiration… I think maybe I should really go take my bike license… hahaha… how I wish I can be as hot as her… though some ppl say i’m as hot but I really dun believe them lah… whahha…

hmm… work isn’t any much smoother and getting more frustrated… it’s like everything is not going the way we want it to be… got a bad feeling… hai… whatever… I am doing my best le… so well… hai, dun talk about work… talk already also sianz…

feeling tired today… hopefully can sleep without melatonin tonight…

Body aching…

I think I over exercised yesterday… Did about 45 mins of Wii Fit and plus about 30 mins of Cooking mama and then at night went for an 8km run… Whole body is aching today… oh ya, plus the typing maniac thingie in FB… think I must have lost alot of calories until I dun feel hungry today…

anyway, today is the start of the ex… special arrangements for work… actually I hate this cos’ alot of work can’t be done esp. when certain ppl is not around and stuff… I still need to rush my project and dun know if able to do it by then… hai…

just came back from run again… yes, i am crazy… hiaks! but I was thinking if I am free, why not just go for a run lor… tomorrow will be busy day cos’ not in office today… anyway, looking forward to transformers tomorrow… hee… got to wake up earlier tomorrow also… got to be in office by 8am… hai…

Lazy sunday…

Estelle is going out with Daddy today cos’ it’s Fathers’ day today… So I’m alone and really dun know what to do today… Hmm… maybe I should do a bit of Wii… haven’t been playing Wii for some time le… I even forgot where I stopped at Paper Mario… hahaha… maybe do a bit of Wii sports today???  then tonight go for a run??? Hmm.. see how ba… my NIKE+ sportsband is still in the process of exchanging so can’t use it yet… hai…

feeling so lazy and just wanna stay at home… yeah, think I go work out my Wii for a while… if not, keep too long and din touch, later spoil… whahaha… next week is a busy week again… waiting to catch TRANSFORMERS… yeah!!! reminds me of the joke with the uncle, ah beng and the TV… hiaks!! LOL…

Video Games Live

Went for the concert just now… It’s not that fantastic anyway… hmm… just popped 1 melatonin, hopefully will be able to sleep cos’ woke up very early this morning so now kinda tired also…

will be fetching Estelle tomorrow… Yay!!!  get to spend some girly time together…

I miss him already… it’s like I took 10 steps backwards when he came back into my life… so now slowing walking onwards again, without him cos’ he have not come by to join me yet… but if he joins me, we must make sure we know our direction and not walk blindly again… well, at least walk with confidence since we have been through so much… Not pressuring him to settle his matters, I will continue to walk alone and try not to miss him too much… hopefully he dun take too long cos’ I’m still slowly shutting my heart up and if he takes too long, he may not be able to open up my heart again…

I’m beat… this whole week had been really really busy, with work and with socializing… going to sleep soon le, cannot take it… drowsy le..

Just received news…

I dun know if it is good news or bad news… After all that had happened, my guy realised that I’m the one he truly loves… We are not getting back together yet because there are some things that he will have to settle first… anyway, told him that if he wants me back, he will have to woo me and make me fall in love with him again…

It’s not that I dun love him already… but it’s unfair to me that he come and go as he like… so the next time round, guess he needs to convince me why I should be back with him…

Frankly speaking, I’m really happy to hear that he truly loves me and that he misses me all this while…

As for the future, I dun dare to think about it cos’ I dun want to raise any hopes (that he will ask me to be back with him) in case he dash it again… I will just continue to what I have been doing which is to move on alone… if he really does what he said to me, then… we’ll see how ba…

This is the thing that makes me confused… he’s telling me that he realised that he loves me, not her…

Confused…

Confused and took 2 melatonin pills.. after I take 2 pills, the morning after always feel so tired and drowsy.. maybe it’s the pills.. i dun know… maybe tomorrow I try one only… hai…

tomorrow it’s the concert of ‘Video Games Live’… will be gg alone cos’ no time to ask the rest… hahaha…

anyway, something happen today… I’m really confused… i guess love just dun find everyone… that’s what I heard from ‘Desperate Housewives’… there are some women who easily find the love of their life… but some, just dun find any even after so many tries… I guess I’m one of the unlucky ones who will never find true love this lifetime…

It still hurts…

Nowadays got to take 2 pills of melatonin to feel groggy cos’ 1 pill has no effect at all… Hai, hopefully wun go to the extent of eating sleeping pills to fall asleep…

Anyway, heart still hurts… Hai… Nothing else more to say…

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

I think the movie sucks… I dun know… I used to like romance flicks but not anymore… I think it’s all crap… both persons sitting beside me were girls and I think they were choking back their tears… But surprisingly, I didn’t… usually I will when I watch something sweet and touching… but today, no leh… i think maybe I am really succeeding in shutting my heart up from feelings… which is good news… I dun want to get hurt again…

For those hopeless romantic, you might like it… though not really romantic but it’s all about airy fairy kind theories on love and all those bullshit… hahaha… if you are like me, who do not believe in love, dun watch cos you may want to leave the cinema halfway through…

back at work, not too bad…

Went back to work today… expect to have about 400 emails since the other time I had 450 when I was away for 7 days… this time around was away for 5 days, fortunately, only have 250… managed to clear all emails within 3 hours…

was busy as usual… cleared some things and tried to adjust back to work and catch up with what I had missed out the past week…

after work, met up with friend for dinner… hiaks! we were catching up and my friend mentioned that he went to the PC show over the weekend and told me what he had came across over there… He said it was damn crowded (which was expected, every year the same) and he mentioned this incident he saw at the show…

There was a booth selling TVs and there was this Chinese Ah Beng on the loudhailer shouting out the sales promotion like ‘5 sets of TV going at $___ for the next 5 mins’… sthg like that… then there was this old uncle standing right in front of the ah Beng… he wanted to ask the Ah Beng the specs of the TV… what the Ah Beng replied was hilarious… He said the following in chinese, into his loudhailer and so everyone standing there could hear what he replied to the old uncle… Ah Beng said ‘TV is TV lah… What is there to ask?  You think the TV is TRANSFORMERS meh??!!’ … when my friend told me this, I really burst out laughing, really loud… I couldn’t stop laughing… I mean, it really cracked me up… So I asked my friend what happened to the uncle.. he said the uncle couldn’t move away since it was so packed and everyone heard it since the Ah Beng replied in the loudhailer… He said that most of the ppl had the shocked faces rather than ppl cracking up like me… Really funny lor, I can imagine it in my head… whahaha… i think only Ah Beng can think of such replies… whahaha… really cannot take it… still laughing out loud when I think of it…

tomorrow will be another busy day for me too… got a few things on the to-do list at work… Hai… what is there new to say about work?  Bz bz bz…

starting work tomorrow…

Hai… so sianz… after a week of leave, really dun feel like going back to the hectic work again… it’s like, work so hard, not being appreciated… that is why I’m saying that I’m having low morale at work now… Hai… But no choice, for the sake of bread and butter, still got to work…

Estelle came over for a while… she always talks in her sleep… sometimes she says the funniest things in her sleep too, not just when she is sober…

hope I can sleep early tonight… haven’t been sleeping well… had been having crying spells lately… maybe I have been trying too hard to be strong after what happened (in relations to matters of the heart I mean)… then slowly the feelings are coming out, maybe that is why I have the crying spells… it still hurts really… hmm, wun talk too much about this, maybe after I feel much better…

MJ finally…

After jog last night, a friend called me out to do some catching up and also, to catch a movie… I wun say it’s a hot date, more of like, catching up session… anyway, watched ‘Drag me to hell’… kinda cheesy and 80’s kinda horror show with all the cheesy disgusting scenes like gooey stuff and shocking scenes… it was also predictable… was laughing my whole way through cos’ there was this guy sitting beside me and he was really afraid… using his sweater to cover his eyes, screaming at the shocking scenes, cowering in his seat… wah lao eh, a guy leh, how come behave like woman??  he even commented to his friend saying ‘I told you all I dun like horror movies liao!!!’  hahaha… really very funny lor…

by the time I reach home, it was 4am le… I think I only managed to sleep at 5am cos’ had difficulty falling asleep… woke up by the heavy rain at 7 plus then fell asleep at 8am… woke up again at 9plus… saw the sun shining so decided to go ahead with my tanning at sentosa… was hoping can catch a long nap while tanning but who knows, when I reach there, it was really cloudy and no sun… fark… just laid there to catch some UV rays.. then it started to rain… friend msged me for MJ so went to play after sentosa… no win, no lose… break even… hahaha.. heng sia, after 1 year no play, still did alright…

Estelle will be coming over to my place for a while tomorrow… yay, can see her again… next week will be a busy week, after being on leave for so long… sianz… anyway, damn low morale… whatever…

6th day with Estelle and finally, a jog…

Estelle went back to her daddy’s place… after that, I went for my 8km jog… after so many mths didn’t run, it didn’t really take a toll as I think I had lost weight… I just weighed myself and am at 48kg… hmm… well… anyway, when I wanted to start the jog, my NIKE+ sportsband crashed on me… wah lao eh, I thought I charged it already… however, I think it’s gone crazy… it shows full battery when I charge it… nvm, I think maybe I go get another one… damn…

the weekend will be alone… still not too sure what I want to do… actually looking for shoes… i think i’m losing my tan too… maybe drop by at Sentosa tomorrow… hmm, see how first ba…

5th day with Estelle…

Brought her out for shopping today!!! Went to vivocity and bought some things from GAP… for her, a swimsuit since her old swimsuit too small le… and 2 dresses for myself… hiaks! the discount is about 50% sia… actually wanted to pay for estelle’s swimsuit but while I was at the cashier, saw the dresses so went over to take a look… buy 3 pieces got more discounts mah… whahaha… but well, they were pretty… hmm…

after shopping, went to crystal jade for lunch… yes, estelle could finish her lunch cos’ it’s crystal jade… hiaks! then did a bit of shopping again but this time around, did not buy anything cos’ trying to control… hahaha… but the 2 of us had fun shopping around, trying out all the weird accessories and stuff… :P

after that, went back home cos’ she said she was tired… she fell asleep in the MRT… had to carry her to MRT and from MRT to bus… after bus ride, she woke up… came home and she couldn’t fall asleep so got to ‘cheat’ her into sleeping… hahaha… anyway, rest of the day was feeding and playing…

hmm, just bought tix to watch ‘Video Games Live’ next friday… heard from a friend that it was sold out but what the hell, it wasn’t lor… none of the catagories were sold out in fact… hiaks… bought the 85 dollars de… Hmm, hopefully they play FF soundtrack wor…

later got to feed estelle her med again in the middle of the night… hopefully she doesn’t get cranky about eating med tonight…

4th day with Estelle…

Think the medicine may be working… she’s still having the cough but the running nose is slowly disappearing… Today we stayed at home again… cooked steamed fish with mushrooms for her and i think she may have liked it even though she didn’t say it cos’ she finished her lunch/dinner in prob about 40 mins… usually she takes about 1 hour…

This afternoon went out without her for a while to go to KKH to get the doc to fill up some insurance claim form for her previous admission of stomach flu… managed to do it within about 2 hours to and fro… she refused to sleep when I was not around… after I came back, tried to make her sleep cos’ she was getting cranky… managed to make her sleep and at least she slept for 2 hours… if not, sure crankier by evening de…

tomorrow decide to bring her go shopping!!! prob at Vivocity cos’ that’s my favourite shopping area… direct transport by MRT somemore… then over there have Forever 21, Zara, GAP, M&S, Tangs plus all the kids shop and restaurants… actually know what to eat for lunch because estelle only eat one thing… noodles from Crystal Jade… hahaha… yeah, she has expensive taste wor… but wun be out shopping for long cos’ got to rush back for her medication and nap at 2pm… usually we start off real early like prob 9am or so… reach there early to avoid the crowd too… then have lunch le and be back in time…

hmm… dun know if dora is showing yet… if yes, then maybe bring her go watch on friday… sianz… just now she was making noise when I woke her up for medicine… a bit more troublesome today… last night she just opened her mouth and drank the medicine and fell back asleep… today, she drank a bit then complained… then after that, cried saying that she dun want to sleep after I kept asking her to finish her medicine… then fell asleep again after eating… well, at least she finished it…

now eating melatonin… in case, I can’t fall asleep later again, like last night… hai…

3rd day with Estelle…

Well, this morning brought Estelle to the Polyclinic cos’ she hasn’t recovered from her cough and runny nose… got whisked off away as they are symptoms of the flu… didn’t take quite long since they had a section specifically for the patients with flu… I ensured that she doesn’t go near to any other patient and that she washes her hands before she touches herself at the polyclinic…

After seeing the doc, went to do a bit of shopping.. for her… bought her a new toy (the spray gun) and a book since she loves listening to stories before her bedtime… now the fairytales stories doesn’t seem to be challenging to her anymore… Cos I thought I want her standard to go up a bit higher… it will be good for her to listen even though she may not understand… when she doesn’t, she will ask… however, her attention span is short so it’s how you tell the story to get her attention… I wanted to buy roald dahl’s books (funny, quirky & magical) but the bookstore didn’t carry any so in the end, I chose ‘Alice Adventures in Wonderland’ (which is a bit close though may not be as funny)… We are at Chapter 3 already… today did 2 chapters… it’s kinda hard to make her understand and the story is long so Estelle may not be able to remember the early part of the story to continue the story… I dun know, just try out… but at least she is listening though she gets distracted as there are no pictures in the book… hiaks! Well, I dun know but I was already reading myself when I was at her age… so now trying really hard to at least get her reading interests in place first, cos’ she still dun know how to read yet… remembering alphabets already got some problem… hope she doesn’t have dyslexia… hmm…

came back home after shopping for lunch, played a while with the toys and nap time… woke up, had dinner and I tied plaits all over her head… she loved it… hahaha… after that, took out the plaits… she played a while with the toys.. actually Estelle is a good girl… i went to buy the ice cream from the uncle downstairs with the bell and she didn’t ask for any cos’ she knows that she is sick and not supposed to eat cold stuff… I mean, for me, anything just whack lah… as long as nobody knows… hahaha… but this is one of her strengths… when she made up her mind not to do something, she wun do it lor… hmm, what about when she made up her mind to do something, will she complete it? 

tomorrow will stay at home again… hopefully she recovers by then… just woke up and gave her her midnight medicine… so now I have problem sleeping… hai…  hmm, maybe thursday go shopping, friday go movie… see how…

2nd day with Estelle…

Today was the usual… Didn’t bring her out… actually my MIL told me to bring her to the polyclinic however could not make it as I was cooking and not done in time… so maybe tomorrow morning then I bring her to Sengkang polyclinic… after that, can go have lunch at compasspoint and prob do a bit of shopping… sigh, I know… will cut down on the shopping, NOT!!! hahaha… ya ya ya… no worries… not many shops at compasspoint anyways…

Estelle is sleeping right now… just now fell asleep while making her fall asleep… after that, woke up again to check whether she had fallen asleep… then came out to check emails and stuff… it’s very hot these few days and sweating like a pig… even now it’s so warm… damn… must hurry and get back into my aircon room… hai…

slept a while this afternoon also… think I can get more sleep this week since Estelle is with me… with her around, I fall asleep much easier… but the other time was discussing with friends about melatonin… seems like melatonin has not much effect on me anymore… just now just popped one, but after sleeping for 30 mins, i’m awake again… damn, I think I have a sleeping problem… hope I dun go to the extend of having to take sleeping pills to sleep… hai…

Whole week with estelle…

I am on leave this coming week… hiaks… estelle is sleeping in the bedroom now… so snuck out to check email and blog… can’t do it when she’s awake cos’ she definitely will want to play with the computer as usual…

dun know what to do this whole week… maybe will bring her to the movies on one of the days and then bring her for shopping on another day… hmm, still thinking on where I can bring her since I have about 7 days with her around… hiaks… however, though she is a bit older now, she tends to get a bit lazy when gg out, like she would want me to carry her and stuff… anyway, she didn’t really recover so probably the first few days stay at home first…

this week will be the last time I take long leave before the next one in December… from Jul - Dec, will be very busy for me with regards to work… so bo pian, cleared one week in May and another week in Jun… after that, another week in Dec with Estelle… maybe in between, a few half days here and there, I think I should be able to clear my leave… sianz… maybe in Dec got to go for a study trip also… dun really want to go cos’ got to write report… also not go for holiday…

hmm… maybe i should start planning for my next trip next year… whahaha… I know a bit kiasu lah… but research and planning takes time right??? hmm… must find nice and cheap hotel… Well, already determined location liao… Krabi… hmm… i think previously did a bit of research cos’ didn’t know whether should go phuket or krabi… anyways, went to phuket so left krabi lor… then maybe stay a few days in Phi Phi Don… hmm, see how ya…

dun know why these few days was thinking of him out of a sudden, esp when I’m walking, even when I’m not walking alone… dun know why also…

A Litre of Tears

My eyes are still swollen, after completing the Jap drama series ‘A Litre of Tears’… Hai… so sad… but after watching it, felt blessed to be where I am right now… but I guess many ppl dun really appreciate life and the ppl & things around them… Hmm…

Anyway, read up on the internet about the company I went to last night… Yeah, I was right… it was a scam… hahaha… Fortunately I wasn’t scammed… hiaks!!! I think I wasted their time though… hahaha… The location of the scamming company is Tong Building which is a.k.a Rolex building between Paragon and Lucky Plaza… so if anyone ask you to go there, dun go and waste your time… unless you are like me, very free to go and see what the scammers are up to… hahaha…

Hmm… think sleep early today as Estelle is coming tomorrow!!! Hiaks!!! can’t wait to spend one whole week with her… yeah, Girl Power!!! Hee…

Long day today…

Wow, spent the whole day doing recce… after that, went for some presentation at some shady travel company shit… I tot since I’m free and got nothing to do, might as well go and take a look… hahaha… after spending about 3 hours talking to me, I said no to the salesman… hahaha… i think he also bang the wall… then a few came to try… I also said no… no matter how cheap, cos’ i very skeptical about this type of thing de… I always feel that they are all scammers… so just want to see how they try to scam me… hahaha… si buay bo liao, i know… but I really bo liao mah… :P  if not, i would have gone shopping… so at least save the money of shopping lor… whahaha… anyway, i just came back from holiday, why would the travelling interests me so soon right?? hahaha… well, they asked me about the places I want to go for the next 3 years… hmm, I actually have travel plans… next year, I want to go Krabi… following year, I want to go Boracay… 2012 I want to do backpacking in Europe!!!  hiaks!!!  Yes, all I plan to go alone… Wow… so exciting… :P

estelle will only be coming on sunday… tomorrow whole day free, actually jioed a few friends to play mj… but two out of 3 not free… sianz… I think tomorrow I will have a marathon session of watching Jap series DVD… hahaha… watched ‘A Litre of Tears’ halfway the other time… think will finish it tomorrow… If not, will go catch movie marathons at the cinema… hmm… see how…

sianz, nothing to watch on tv… maybe do a bit of surfing then sleep liao.. hmm, think I will cook tomorrow, for myself… hahaha…

Marriage is dissolved & divorce will be made final in 3 months…

Was in court yesterday… The judge granted the divorce and now settling all the paperwork and will be made final in 3 months’ time… Heard the above phrase for like so many times while awaiting for my turn… It’s kinda sad actually… The atmosphere at the court was solemn and sombre…

Come to think of it, when ppl take their marriage vows, they were so filled with happiness and full of hope about the future… everyone is so noisy at the ROM… but when marriages are being dissolved, the mood is low and dark… I guess that is right… Marriage is like a birth of something new and divorce is like the death of something old…

It wasn’t easy taking the stand… though the judge didn’t ask me any questions, I felt that I was choking with my tears… It isn’t that I’m not over my marriage but kinda like, mixed feelings… Afterall, it was something that I had tried to built my future on, with my family… but I guess I failed and everything has ended…

Some ppl at the court appeared happy that their marriages are finally over… But for some, you could see the pain through the redness of their eyes… It is never easy I think… Well… I guess this is a new beginning for me ba… I hope my ex will lead a great life from here onwards too… we were just not meant to be..

Still sick…

Think the flu is purging out… nose is blocked now… most of the time during the past weekend is all sleep… but I think I was sleepy because of the cough mixture… really get groggy after drinking that… hope I get well soon… hai… lots of things on hand so can’t afford to fall sick… moreover, next week is Estelle’s week so can’t be sick…

forgot to bring grapefruits to work… nvm, will down one and one big cup of coconut water tonight… bring the rest of the grapefruits to work tomorrow… need to get well by tomorrow… attending court tomorrow afternoon…