I GIVE UP!!!!

haven’t been posting any post this week cos’ I am so freaking busy (and still is) at work and after work, will be too tired to post anything… I sleep like 11 pm plus every day this week cos’ I am too shagged out… mentally farking tired… I brought back some work to do but after doing it about for an hour, I can’t take it anymore and decided to just relax… will just leave the work till tomorrow morning…

everybody thinks that i’m a superwoman but I’m not… I only have 8 hours @ work, 2 hands, 2 legs, one mouth, 2 ears and one brain… and with the extra time wasted to answer stupid questions asked by stupid ppl, that leaves me less time to deal with work proper…

I really pray that next week will be a better week… at least I am on 1 and 1/2 days leave next week… and yes, I have my facial and massage appt next week… came at the right time… and yes, it’s finally friday again… and I’m going to refuse to bring back work home cos’ I wun have time to do anything work with estelle around too… want to spend time with her… she always makes me smile…. can’t wait…

starting to feel pissed…

yes, it’s work… maybe my stomach cramps are due to stress… that was what my doctor told me previously… my boss has been taking leave all the time and expect me to clear his shit and everyone’s shit before he comes back… and not just that, he is very fickle minded… ask me to do this, then when I do it, he say cannot lah, do it in another way… Wah lao eh, what the fark you want??  you want me to finish it quickly and easily isn’t it??  then you still ask me to do it the long way… I simply dun understand… I think he’s becoming so much like stuntman… and I heard from my LP that he wants to push more things for me to do… sometimes I wonder, why am I the only stupid person doing work over at my department??  if everything ask me to do, then their pay give to me also lah… confirm I sure do…

and seriously I am not giving him any more face already… when I’m pissed at him, I just give him that kind of look like ‘fark-you-I-seriously-dun-give-a-fark-at-all-so-just-get-outta-of-my-face’… LOL… this month, he is like taking 2 bloody weeks off… and I got to cover him… and he really knows how to take leave cos’ whenever his shit piles up, he will leave lor… and expect me to clear for him so that when he comes back, it’s shit free… *pui*  I need to leave… If I am not promoted this year, I think I will seriously very seriously consider resigning… if not, post me out to somewhere else.. I think I will go crazy real soon…

Stomach still cramping…

Yes, though the diarrhoea had stopped, my stomach is still cramping… I’m still continuing my medication… I think I probably lose about like 1kg or maybe 2kg due to this episode of diarrhoea plus no appetite and eating only porridge or soupy stuff… hell yeah, though it sucks to be sick but it feels good to lose some weight!!! LOL… nah, just kidding myself… i doubt I lose any weight and if I did, most probably cos’ i’m dehydrated… once I’m properly hydrated, I guess I will weigh the same… arrgghhhh… can’t blame me for being so paranoid about my weight cos’ I’ve been there… i mean, I had been there when I was terribly fat… hahaha… at 70kg… after I gave birth… still putting on weight… only when my marriage hit the rocks, I lost weight… cos’ no appetite to eat, lots of time to exercise and of course, household chores which do burn alot of calories… and since I’m back at my ideal weight, I dun think I want to ever go back to that kinda weight again… unless i conceived again… which I doubt so though I always mention, yes, I want to have another baby.. it’s kinda scary how you feel the biological clock ticking in your head… well, at least in mine… the time dun stop and it just goes tick-tock-tick-tock and usually it gets louder when you are looking at yourself in the mirror, realising how much older you look day after day, that includes internal organs too.. LOL…

31 years old… not much time left before I reach 35… sigh… not looking too good…

Birthday over… with diarrhoea to end it…

Hmm… Got a few cakes this year… and things aren’t going well at work… and no present from him!!! we had a nice dinner @ East Coast.. went back early cos’ he had something on… only realise he didn’t give me any present when I reached home… LOL…

anyway, doesn’t matter lah… i not so shameless to force ppl to buy me a present.. well, at least he sang me the birthday song, well that’s after I asked for it… hehe… with my plans for his birthday, I’m sure he will be really happy… and touched… LOL… sometimes I wonder when will he start to plan surprises for me?  he did a few times ba… but so far, haven’t had big surprises yet… hmm… next will be his birthday le… already got the present with me and plans are fixed le… waiting for the day to come… hehe… i think I’m more excited than he is… hehe…

and today i’m on MC cos’ I had a bad case of diarrhoea… very bad… went to see doc and slept from 12pm - 7pm… during my sleep, I was so cold though I didn’t on the fan or open the windows… my body was really hot… and it was aching everywhere… still feeling a bit crappy now… but i got to get well cos’ tomorrow I have a long day at work… too many things happened when I am not around… got to clear the shit that others accumulate… quite tired already… and somebody did stupid things somemore, and I think it’s going to affect me also… sigh… why like that???

What an eventful day… with lots of drama….

Ok… Today I was supposed to be at a concert which I will probably never forget but hell, they had to go cancel the concert 2 days ago… anyway… since the concert was cancelled, I had the whole day to myself… went to do my hair in the afternoon… I went to my usual salon @ Serangoon Gardens to do my hair… there is this new guy stylist and he attended to me… I dun usually have a fixed stylist so he just offered to do my hair for me.. so while he was doing, suddenly came this auntie, probably in her late 40s or early 50s… she was sitting about 2 seats away from me… then there was this shampoo auntie who came over and told the male stylist to go over to dye the auntie’s hair… he was like ‘you can do it for her mah..’ after that, the shampoo auntie gesture that the auntie customer didn’t want her to do it, only want him to do it… LOL… usually dyeing of hair, hair treatment etc, practically anyone can do it… I think I will understand if a stylist is required for cutting the hair cos’ that needs skill but dyeing of hair??? :P anyway, the male stylist also not cute de… maybe she just loves to be touched by him… I noticed that she closed her eyes when he was doing her hair but when someone else helped to blowdry her hair, she kept dodging her eyes here and there… :P maybe she’s looking for the male stylist.. LOL… a cougar in action…

ok, so after doing my hair.. i thought i drop by Victoria’s secret @ RWS, since I have time.. I tot maybe just drop by and see the place… first, I need to walk a distance to RWS from Imbiah station because the waterfront station is not opened yet… then I went to Hard Rock Hotel but it should be @ Festive hotel… finally found the shopping belt (no shops opened yet) and was looking forward to angel/devil underwears but when I saw the shop or should I say booth, I nearly fainted… I was thinking, maybe they have some secret compartment/door to some other section/2nd floor etc… but no, after confirming with the salesperson, that’s all they have and they dun sell bras… from what I see, they only have cotton panties, auntie nighties, fragrances & small underwear/cosmetic pouches… COME ON… i think i was there for about 5 mins and that’s it… i left fuming and thinking that I had wasted my bloody time to come all the way over to RWS…

Did a bit of shopping @ Vivocity but bought nothing cos’ there’s nothing nice… went to MRT to take a train back… managed to get a seat and was seated in the MRT for about 20 mins.. after that, there was an announcement that the train had encountered some bloody technical fault… alight the MRT and waited for another train but it seemed forever so decided to take a bus…

ohya, while waiting for the first train, there was this guy sitting beside me.. i think he tried to take out his phone from his bag and he knocked into me… thing is, he didn’t say sorry.. but whatever… so when the train arrived, I went into the train and he was walking really fast, or should i say, he was running towards the seat that I wanted to seat… OMG, there are other seats available… in the end, he sat beside me… I was like so pissed at his behavior… he was like instantly msging on his phone and being observant, I saw some of his conversations… I didn’t peep, he was holding it in such a way that I could see… :P i think he was like msging so many different girls that he just broke up with his gf… WTF??? LOL… i was like laughing… pretending to laugh at something else but really laughing at him… and he even replied ‘I’m okie.  She was no good for me anyway’ to a friend’s msg ’so sorry to hear that’… wah lao eh.. too much… how can he think that she’s no good for him??  i dun know.. maybe it’s a guy ego thingie… I think for girls, usually at first instance, they will look at themselves first rather than say the guy’s no good for her… that is why it’s harder for the girls to get through a break up… but of course, slowly, if the guy’s really no good for her, she will understand it much later.. but this guy… :P oh well…

anyway, while in the MRT waiting for the train to move, besides the stupid guy, I saw this woman, in a pink spaghetti dress with pink uncle slippers in a blue coloured bra… my god, her bra was like riding up and out of her dress very clearly… and she got one hook unhooked… which means her bra was like hanging on on one hook only… it was really an ugly sight… I mean, ya, sometimes it’s cool to like show your bra but COME ON, that’s really bad taste and she did it so wrong… or probably, she really dun know that it was showing and that it was not hooked properly… it is so unglam…

okok, so left the MRT station and went to take a bus.. and it was so crowded but still managed to get a seat… after that, gave up my seat for a kid about 4 years old… during my bus trip, there was one uncle shouting at another auntie about not sharing the seat etc… he was scolding the auntie but auntie didn’t say anything i think… I was at the back of bus and they were in front… oh yes, there was this group of PRC workers… nb, anyhow pushed here and there… i nearly wanted to use vulgarities on them… then there is these 2 girls who were hogging the centre of the bus and refused to go back to the bus but eventually did and after that, one of them fell down while going to alight off the bus.. LOL… I really wanted to burst out laughing but there was a moment of silence when she fell… so I controlled my laughter… I know I’m bad but I can’t help it… and after that, there was an auntie who shouted loudly about how the ppl dun move towards the back of the bus, inconsiderate etc…

the trip was long cos’ there were jams everywhere… I reached home after 2 & 1/2 hours… finally… think I need to sleep early tonight… what a day…

TGIF

Yeah, thank God it’s friday… had been really really busy this week… sometimes my head would throb for no reason… yes, the headaches… anyway, got to recharge this weekend before coming back to work on monday… managed to squeeze in a little time to plan my leave for this year… hmm, dun know if my trip with my friends to Rome will be confirmed or not… cos’ if yes, then I got to shift some leave over from either Sept/Dec to the trip in July…

But nevertheless, one of my trip this year has already been confirmed… i think I made my bookings in Dec… yes, I’m going to Krabi in May!!!!! Yeah!!!! can’t wait… not going to take any block leave these few months… am going to take block leave in May, Jun, Sept, Dec… July’s not confirmed like I mentioned… hehe… yes, i have lots of leave… :P

Ordered my book on amazon and yes, it’s cheaper than if I am going to get it in singapore… Kinokuniya online selling $37… I was only charged $34 at amazon… LOL… the last I track my order, it has already been shipped… so should be getting it soon… and then I can start on my mission: To teach Estelle to read in 100 days… LOL… I’m already teaching her but with the book, it may help…

need to recharge… too much work… and it’s just starting nia… arrggghhhh… how come the lull period only lasts like a month?  or is there one even???

It’s friday already???

Wow… this week went by like a flash… went to collect the gift just now… takes a day for engraving… anyway, hope he likes it… hehe… hope he’s feeling alright cos’ he’s sick.. hmm…

really tired these few days… maybe cos’ really busy at work.. sometimes really cannot stand my boss… oh well, I always get the ‘bad’ bosses… LOL

it’s friday tomorrow… haven’t got time to go do my hair… maybe go on sunday morning… hmm.. see how… man, another 6 days to 31 years old…. getting older and older… I want to be forever young!!!!!!

Busy Tuesday & Wed…

I was really busy on Tuesday and had to OT for half an hour… was slightly late for the gathering but had fun… went back at about 11pm plus… and went to work early this morning as there was a meeting at 9am… had made full use of the time during the meeting… brought in my laptop and managed to clear lots of emails plus work during the meeting… LOL… so decided to take PM leave to go shopping and to do my hair…

Had a great lunch with him and went to Borders to look for ‘how to teach your child to read’… but those books on how to teach the child to read is not good enough, it’s exactly what I am teaching estelle… well, bought a simple book for Estelle… saw this book on amazon ‘how to teach your child to read in 100 days’… i think it has one activity each day and by the end of the 100 activities, I think the child is supposed to know how to read by then… hmm, dun know if I should get it… after that, went shopping on the way from borders to the store at Taka… bought lingerie at M&S, bought a pair of boots at Zara (discount 50%).. hehe… and finally went to the shop at Taka to buy the prezzie… hmm… sent for engraving and item is really for collection by tomorrow… see how ba, when i’m free, then I will go collect.. anyway still have time… actually wanted to go do my hair after shopping but it’s too late by then, so maybe go this sunday since sunday Estelle will be with her daddy and I will be free… Can go to do my hair and after that, got ‘The Killers’ concert… :P can’t wait… think I should get the book from amazon…

Busy Monday…

Wow, can’t believe that my Monday was so filled with work, lots of work… haven’t got enough time and I had to OT for a while.. LOL… today passes really quickly and this week, i’m really busy… tomorrow I have 2 meetings to attend, plus amend some project papers etc and after work, I have a date with my ex colleagues from marine parade… on wed, there may be a party at zouk, most probably wun have cos’ not enough ppl… thurs and fri so far alright… concert coming this weekend… :P

arrggghhh and my birthday is next week… sianz… photos of me taken during the event last week turned out to very ugly.. :P some angles make me real fat, others i still look alright leh, not skinny lah… but just a bit plump nia… aiyah, think i really need to lose it… i mean, the scales should be telling the truth right??

need to get prezzie for someone’s birthday… hehe… it’s going to be a surprise but oh well, I’ve got taste so whatever I buy or get or prepare or order, definitely really nice and pretty and classy… ok, you guys should get what i’m trying to say.. LOL… hope the receiving party will like what i get and what i had planned… hehe… dun know why I like to plan for others but for myself, nothing is planned yet… LOL…

I told Estelle over the weekend that we will buy a birthday cake for me this coming sat so that she can celebrate it together with me… told her it’s not the actual day cos’ actual day i am not fetching her back (it’s wednesday & I’m working, not planning to take any leave) so celebrate it early… and she told me ‘Then actual day how?’  I told her it’s just a normal day and Mummy is getting a year older, there is no need to celebrate… as long as we celebrate on Sat, that’s enough for me… And what she said next shocked me, as usual, what she says always very shocking… she said ‘NOO!!! it’s your birthday, you must celebrate!!! Celebrate with your friends lah!!!!’ hehe.. so funny.. like as if she’s the parent.. LOL… dun know why the things she says sounds like its coming from an 18 year old… hehe… I like… she’s like my BBF, can’t believe we are mother & daughter… anyway, she’s really growing up very quickly…

Estelle is really growing up…

She is 5 years old this year… and really growing up fast… can’t believe that it’s been 5 years since I gave birth to her in 2005… wow…

Anyway, I know her very well… she is the type that will take the ’soft’ approach rather than the ‘hard’ approach… was scolding her just now cos’ she used a coloured marker to colour on her own thumbnail… but she refused to listen and gave me the fierce look… I thought I should be the one giving her the fierce look… but I know she will not be listening to me with the fierce look and the ‘I-dun-care’ attitude… so I sat down and told her to sit down and not do anything and look at me cos’ I was talking to her… I told her that I do not want her to use the markers to colour her nails in the future because the chemicals in the marker will spoil her nails… I asked her if she agrees not to do that in the future… she reluctantly agree by nodding her head and she broke down… she cried cos’ she knows that I was serious when I did that, the not-doing-anything and just looking and talking to her seriously… of course when she agreed and cried, I hugged her and told her that she’s my good girl and I love her… yes, positive reinforcement… telling her exactly what I do not want her to do and what I want her to do so she will not be confused…

Also had been trying to teach her how to read… I dun understand why her daddy is trying to teach her how to spell when she can’t even read… Got to learn how to read first before learning how to spell… and reading is not about memorizing… reading is about pronouncing and combining the alphabets in a word… trying my best to teach her how to read like how they teach in sesame street… I think I need to go to Borders to look for ‘How to teach your child to read’… :P  I dun remember ppl teaching me how to read when I was young… I just learnt by myself…

How to save a life…

Was listening to ‘How to save a life’ by The Fray… Think I wanted to blog on this song previously when I first heard it.. Or did I??  Anyway, it’s a song about how a person who regrets about not being there for a friend and the friend eventually committed suicide… something to that effect…

Have you ever wonder how many lives you have saved?  Just by being there to listen?  Be it your friends, aquaintance or even strangers… Have you just sat there and listened to them?  I think I might have saved many lives because I almost always be there whenever a friend needs a listening ear… and I am sure some of my friends had saved my lfe during my darkest moment in my life 3 years ago… though some other friends might had nearly killed me when they can’t be there for me… it’s during those times you know who your real friends are…

it is those times that you dun have to say much things.. all you need to do is listen and be there for your friend.. ppl in depression is definitely not in their best if alone… and by asking their friends out, saying that they need somebody to talk to, is a sign that they are calling out for help… with them calling out, it shows that there are still some hope to talk them out of whatever they want or plan to do…

so my friends, even though you might be really busy, if a friend ever ask you out for a talk or a drink, dun just reject straight in the face but find out what happen and what’s the emotion of the friend by the voice & tone or even how the sms-es are phrased… and if the friend is in desperate need for help, just go… or at least, get another mutual friend to be the listener… or even, arrange to meet another day…

hope you guys dun miss any chance to help save a life… cheers!

2 days in Pulau Ubin…

Spent yesterday and today at Pulau Ubin… Had been helping out my colleagues for the department’s event… Went there in the morning yesterday, prepared all the things and being there brought back some memories I had during my secondary school days… especially the paranormal activities there… though the place had changed, some features e.g. hills, stairs, buildings, were still present but they were modified… but I could still remember clearly the old place… well, after preparing on the first day, we ended the day with a bbq… LOL… yeah, we know how to enjoy ourselves… only thing is the room that we slept in was really cold… and fortunately, I brought my fleece jacket… however, was still in shorts… and I had improvised my ‘bed’ by lining up the cartons of water on the floor and sleeping on the cartons.. hehe.. woke up in the morning and had a long day helping out…

finally it was over and everything went out well… I enjoyed myself too… came back home, wanted to rest, however, received a msg from someone that I had forgotten to off my office lights… but I was really sure that I offed the lights on tues when I left… I told him maybe it’s ghost or what… anyway, he put it in such a way that I have to go back to office straightaway to specially off the lights… so instead of him beating around the bush (as usual) I told him I would go back to off the lights… travelled 2 and 1/2 hours to and fro to office… arrggghhh… maybe the someone was afraid so wanted me to go back so that we can leave together…

tired… very tired… and my skin feels so burnt… too much sun for these 2 days.. though yes, I have the dark tan which looks good on me… hehe… though the tan is not even throughout the body, it’s better than nothing… LOL.. oh yes, whenever I’m away from office, I’m always disturbed and will almost always get work to do… what the hell, i’m not in office and all my stuff/documents/emails are in office so what do you expect me to do???  It’s like as if he dun know that I am on leave… moreover, I told him clearly that I was on leave… sometimes I really want to tell him that ‘I AM ON LEAVE.. I WILL SETTLE THIS FOR YOU WHEN I GO BACK OFFICE’… sigh… oh well, i’m indispensable I guess..

okok, going to sleep le… weekend soon… tomorrow still have lots of things to do, all the work were given to me today through SMSes from the someone while I was engaged in the event… arrggghhhhh… and also given through phone while I was going back to office just now, even though he can tell me in the face since he was still in office… arrgggghhhh… angry!!!!!

Anyway, miss Estelle lots… Miss him too..

Need to stop…

I need to stop eating!!!!! Arrggghhhh, I just weighed in myself yesterday and guess what???!!! I’m at 53kg!!!! arrggghhhh… no wonder all my pants and jeans feels tight when I wear them… I mean I know I had put on weight lah but 3 kgs??? the other time when I felt a bit fatter, I weighed in about 50kg which was up from my ideal 48kg… arrgghhh… 5kgs of fats???!!! how to shed…

hehe… no worries lah… the most eat less but the more I control, the more I eat… the more I feel like putting something into my mouth to satisfy the cravings that I have… I think I have so many cravings that I had lost count… oh no… and whenever I try to not think of eating, I will get hungrier and in the end, end up bingeing anyway… arrggghhh…

anyway, had a plan in mind… LOL… have my meals normally but dun eat too much in everything and dun eat too much of carbos… in fact, I’m staying away from the sweet stuff already… Or have I not??? :P CNY coming again and I hope this year the bak gwa and pineapple tart curse wun be bad… Last year, the curse didn’t strike… hehe… oh yes, the more I exercise, the hungrier I get also… arrggghhhh… and since I have a habit of skipping lunch at work, I am stocking up on my store on cup noodles… at first wanted to buy the QCYD noodles (oooh, yummy) but fortunately, before I pay, I saw the calories clocking at 520!!!! wah lao… I nearly fainted and quickly went back to the section to see if there is any other brands which is healthier… I remembered eating KOKA noodles which is at about 190 - 200 calories nia… and yes, there is… wah heng ah… bought the KOKA instead, moreover that one no MSG de… LOL.. 200 is still alright… for ladies, we need about 1800 calories… so if lunch 200, at least I still have more to play with for breakfast and dinner… provided I stay in office for lunch… LOL…

aiyah, maybe I should stop trying too hard… or maybe cos’ my hormones are whacked for the deprivation of sleep… but I thought I’m doing quite well on sleep le… at least, I seldom sleep after 1am nowadays… without melatonin somemore… though there are some days lah but still think my sleep had been better lor… sigh… 5 kgs… the more I run, the fatter I get… LOL….

Yay, another run today…

Yes… went for another run today cos’ came back home after work… didn’t feel hungry and the timing was just right so quickly went for a run before it starts raining again… and I feel good cos’ feel less fat during and after the run… LOL… arrghhh, it’s all in the mind lah… yes, i’m still fat… and after I came back from run, was hungry so cooked instant noodles…

today had a long day at work… tired… think I sleep early tonight… last night slept early too… cos’ had been catching on with the sleep that I had been lacking during those nights whereby I couldn’t sleep… anyway, it’s friday tomorrow… time really flies when you are busy… i’m kicking up my gear le… I think now i’m in 3rd… maybe 4th.. oh well… 20 more days to my birthday… i wonder what i will get for my birthday present… LOL.. will there be a surprise this year??? i hope yes cos’ I LOVE SURPRISES wor!!!! hehe… but nothing too fancy or shocking… hmm… The year has started great for me… hope it stays this way…

Cougar Town

Cougar Town is so funny that I had to dedicate a post for it… LOL… I couldn’t stop myself laughing while watching the 1/2 hour pilot episode… Courtney Cox really looks like she’s 40… and at the very start of the episode, it shows Jules (played by Courtney Cox) in the toilet, looking at herself in the mirror with only her underwear on… LOL, and the way she shouted ‘Crap!’ because of how her body is sagging and jiggling was so funny…

Though I am not a cougar, I am able to relate to the show… after all, it’s about a 40 year old divorcee on how she carries on with her life esp when it comes to dating and stuff… I may not be 40 year old now, but I do see myself like her 10 years later… LOL… But one difference is, I dun go for guys who are younger than me… i mean, I do date them but for relationships, I dun go for young boys… I prefer men who are either of my age or older than me…

And she’s right… it’s really scary for a women to be single again at that kinda age… even my age because we are considered as ’spent’ goods… goods used and discarded… who else would want us?  maybe garang guni man liao lor… LOL… there is always a stigma attached to divorced women and more for those with kids… for divorce men, it’s easy for them to get new lovers cos’ there’s no stigma for them…

oh well.. like i always say, if there is a man to spend the rest of my life with me, it’s a bonus… if there isn’t, life still goes on… but of course, I would love a bonus, who doesn’t?

Got to kick up the gear…

Aarrrggghhhh.. think I am still in first gear at work… but got to kick up the gears very soon, like tomorrow???  LOL… actually had been working hard since I came back from leave.. just feel like not working but still, work got to be done… sigh… got alot of urgent things to be done… and they are important too… and to make things worse, got to cover my boss cos’ he going on leave… it’s like every month he will be away for a week… wah lao… like that how??? how to do my things and also do his things… nb… not many ppl know the amount of work I have… it’s alot lor, just that I’m quite fast in doing my stuff so dun have much backlog…

I think i’m getting really forgetful… think I must start a habit to write down a ‘to-do’ list like how I used to keep a list of the ‘to-do’s during my first posting… actually I’m kinda sick of chasing ppl with their returns and etc because they are not prompt in replying or providing what I require… but of course, there are some colleagues who are as able as myself, it’s easier to work with them…

oh well, I dun have a choice but to kick up to 5th gear from tomorrow onwards… the faster I get back to pace, the faster I will reach cruising which is good… getting use to the fast pace but using less energy and with less stress… it’s the first day at work for 2010 and it’s just the start of the new year… I’m very sure that there is more to come definitely… as usual, every year brings new challenges… and everytime I tell myself, I CAN DO IT!!!! even though it may not be my challenge… LOL…

yes!! went for run but snacked after run cos hungry.. arrggghhhhh…

though it rained before evening, I still went ahead with my run after dinner… i ran about 9km cos’ I started my run in punggol after I send over her medication.. forgotten to bring it with us when I sent her back so went back home to take it and since I decided to go for a run, might as well start from there… run was fine but my right knee was hurting again during the run.. i think getting old already…

anyway, after the run, came back home… after about 1 & 1/2 hour, felt hungry suddenly… couldn’t take it so munch on some potato chips (about a half pack)… arrggghhhh… what’s the point of running if I snacked??? sigh… but was really very hungry and not sleeping yet so… sigh… nvm, it’s a start lah… with the run… and moreover, for dinner, I had a really small bowl of rice and not really alot of food… hehe… so not too bad…

sianz… work again.. got some urgent things to run so hopefully everyone comes back from leave so that all the work due can start moving… dun know how long will it takes to get to the same form of drive at work… cos’ everyone slacking already… all got their deserved rest after a busy busy year…

And Estelle starting K1 tomorrow.. really fast… 2 more years and she’s in primary school… hmm.. she’s five this year le… dun know if i’ll ever be able to fulfil her wish of having a little sister/brother… time is running out for me le… I’m 31… arrgghhh… nothing is really planned or fixed or even looked positive.. sigh… seriously, I would love to have another baby… but sometimes, life just dun go the way you want it to… we’ll see…

feeling fat… arrrggghhhh…

nowadays feeling fat cos’ my pants are feeling a bit tighter and I’m starting to see fats kinda spilling out… arrggghhhh… i think i need to go on a diet… or at least, go for runs more often??  but time and weather must permit the runs… oh well, take a step at a time ba… i need to cut down on the food I eat… I think though I dun go for much buffets, maybe I had been eating more recently… not on the number of meals but more quantity during each meal.. and I think I’m so used to having alot of food at each meal till my stomach is growing accustom to it and if I dun eat more, I will feel hungry… but funny thing is I dun snack so how come I’m still getting fat??? arrggghhhh…

Never mind… probably during this period of time when I’m fat, I wun get to buy any clothes since all clothes I try will probably look fat on me… hehe… but last night, bought another jacket… it’s a fleece jacket from Uniqlo… anyway, it’s on sale and it’s comfortable so I thought, aiyah, just buy lah… so that’s another addition to my outer wear piece… hehe… enough already… had a nice dinner with my parents and estelle at Marche@313 somerset last night… sigh, whacked again lor… always like that mah…

Moreover, for the new year weekend, standard chartered has a promotion on 50% cashback for everything spent at dining places… so I asked them out to eat lor… must take this opportunity mah… hehe…

couldn’t sleep last night though estelle was around… i think my mind is too filled with thoughts about me being fat.. arrggghhhh… okok, tonight die die MUST go for a run… and MUST cut down intake of food… I can’t afford to buy new clothes to fit my new fatness so MUST slim down wor… LOL…

first day of 2010

though was disturbed throughout the night by wellwishes, I woke up feeling great in the morning… dun know why but it was a great feeling and a good sign to start a new year… Estelle came over just before lunch and we did a bit of shopping in the afternoon… arrggghhh, i missed shopping… bought some essentials stuff and also some crocs shoes/slippers @ sale price… my crocs shoes only @ $15/-… not imitation de hor… they having a sale for those sizes that ain’t popular… i got my size 4… hahaha… bought crocs slippers for estelle too… we went shopping @ the airport with my MIL… MIL called me to bring her to airport cos’ she wants to know how to get to the airport by public transport… so went there, did bit of shopping and went to have ice-cream @ earle’s swensons too.. think Estelle had fun… anyway, the crocs were bought there and also, i bought my watson’s stuff over there… didn’t know they dun charge GST and actually the difference is alot esp if value is high… i bought like $183+ stuff and I only paid $170+ after no GST… now i know le… hehe… want to buy expensive things, go airport to buy but I think only shops @ T2 & T3 have this promotion or what… not too sure…

*yawn*… tired… estelle is now sleeping… i think i will be joining her soon… missing somebody…

Horoscope for Year 2010 - Aquarius

Year 2010 Overview

Aquarius often gets pegged as being a little too cerebral for its own good. But the truth is, that’s where you do your best work. The next year is going to give you the opportunity to use those sharp mental powers to focus on what it is you really want out of life. Two eclipses fall in your Twelfth House, which will bring out your intuitive side, and give you a chance to see your life from a less-strictly-logical (yet no less valid) perspective. The additional information they give you about your life and your position in it will be your big chance to put things in order.

Saturn is also going to be bringing big changes as to your philosophical approach to life. What fundamental approaches to life have worked for you, and what haven’t? You may have never stopped to ask that question, or known the benefits of finding the right answer to it. This year, those answers will come, and your life is likely to be a saner, better-adjusted place for it.

Of course, it’s impossible to have a well-ordered world around you without having a few other people in it. The middle part of the year will see close friends and partners coming and going in your life, more so than you’ve seen in a long time. In part, this will be a reflection of the changes going on in your “higher mind.” And again, the overall effect should be a positive one. It’s your worldview, Aquarius — make it the best you can!

Year 2010 Career

Adaptation and flexibility are absolute requirements for life in the modern world, and this applies to your work and money situation as much as to any other area of your life. Economic uncertainty has been running wild for the last year or so, and you’ve felt the fear just as much as anyone. The economic weather simply hasn’t wanted to play along with your high ideals about how things should be. That’s probably made you at least as fretful as the average person, and maybe more so. Fortunately, your unique gift for seeing an ideal and staying focused on it will have definite rewards in 2010.

When it comes to your actual sense of direction with your career and how you fit into life, Neptune will continue to make things fuzzy, but Jupiter is coming to the rescue! It moves into your Money House in January, and will bring much better luck with your cash supply. The entire period of January through September will see dramatically improved luck; not necessarily “winning the lottery” type luck, though. The same amount of effort you put into your finances will be rewarded with better results. Take advantage of this time by using your head with your budget, and you will see dramatic gains.

Work in general will continue to be the same combination of grind and reward that you’re used to throughout most of the year, with an overall slight reduction in pressure. April through June may find you subject to more than the usual share of office politics — stay above it all and no harm will come to you. The last three months before your next birthday will see newfound energy and optimism with your work, and you’ll be sure to impress someone higher up the food chain during that time. Congratulations!

Year 2010 Romantic

Wherever Cupid finds you on your birthday, in the following year you will be ending up somewhere significantly different. December through February may not necessarily bring bad news in your love life, but events will occur that cause you to challenge your satisfaction with where things are, regardless of whether or not you’re involved with anyone. If you are in a committed relationship, you’ll likely feel that pressures in your own life demand more time and attention, taking time away from your relationship. If you aren’t with anyone at that time, you’re probably going to find yourself questioning the joys of single life harder than you would normally.

General romantic opportunities, whether in a new relationship or with an existing partner, will increase significantly in two important time frames: April through June, and the last two months before your next birthday. In both cases, a small amount of effort on your part will reap significant rewards. It would be the optimum time to join a dating service, or in some other way change your search techniques.

If you’re in a relationship but aren’t fully committed, the entire year will bring pressures from within and without to change things up. Some of this will be subtle, whereas other pressures will be overt. The process peaks in July and August, and it’s possible that you might feel cornered into making a big change that may not entirely be to your benefit. Of course, ultimately, it’s your decision. Don’t let anyone else make it for you!

Well, generally it’s good… but the romantic overview, erm.. oh well, as long as I make the efforts in life, I wun have any regrets… hehe… Last blog before the new year, wishing everyone a very happy new year!!! Cheers!!!

NYE 2010

It’s New Year’s Eve today… all the greetings and wishes are coming in and I am very sure that I will keep receiving all the well-wishes till late… Estelle will be counting down with her daddy since daddy is not working today and she will also be having her swimming class in the evening… so arranged for her daddy to send her to me tomorrow morning instead… So I guess I will be counting down alone tonight as I dun have any plans yet… Besides counting down with Estelle for the past few years, I think it’s been so long since I counted down with a partner… I remembered how I used to spent the last minutes of the year with my partners whenever I’m attached… well, most times I’m attached…

It always feel good to be kissed by a loved one at the stroke of midnight during NYE… i guess for me it’s like the kiss represents the continuation from the past year and the coming year… and of course, it kinda means wishing your partner well, forgiving whatever wrongs that happened in the past year and looking forward with best wishes for the coming year… may the next year be as sweet as the kiss… hehe…

oh well… I’m glad and happy that I have my family & friends with me for the past year and thank you all for the tolerance and understanding… I know I can be a bitch sometimes… hehe… I bet we will have a blast in 2010… Happy new year!!!

Dun misunderstand me…

Ok, just to add on to what I posted in my previous blog… about my living principle ‘when you want to do sthg, just do it!!!’… one of my friends was asking if he should do sthg cos’ he really want to do sthg… but the thing he wants to do has some criminal nature to it… LOL… I’m not encouraging you guys to commit crime e.g. if you want to rob a bank, go rob etc… Before you do sthg, you will have to consider the consequences of your actions… and if you can accept the consequences esp. the bad, then do it… so if it is ‘if you want to rob a bank, and you are willing to do time in prison if you are caught, then do it..’ but pls lah, grow up… what i really mean is like e.g. you want to go skydiving, just do it!!! kinda stuff but you must consider the dangers and if you are willing to take the risk, just do it!!! …  or you want to go to a certain country, just do it!!! and considering whether you got money to do it, whether you can afford to pay off a loan just to go for trip… or you want to go after a girl, just do it!!! after consideration of whether you are able to take the rejection if there is any etc…  but everything has to be really spontaneous and not like ‘oh i think of sthg, i wait and see etc’… wait and wait in the end become stale and forgotten already… LOL…

so pls dun misunderstand my message… and dun say that I instigate you to do sthg… LOL.. I hereby declare all liability of whatever things any of you do… hahaha… 1 more day to the new year… wishing everyone a new year full of surprises, wishes coming true and most importantly, happiness!!! Happy New Year!!! in advance, in case I dun get to blog tomorrow… hehe…

2010

On 1st Jan 2008, I predicted that 2008 and 2009 will be screwed up just like my 2006 and 2007… that was the first entry in my archieve… and it was so true… LOL… went back to take a look at my post to see if I really predicted it correctly… and I did… I have been on a lousy run for 4 years… since 2006… wow… time flies.. well, at that time, my prediction was 2010 will be a better year since what goes down (for so many years) will have to go up… so yes, I will stick to 2010 will be a good year for me since 2006… come on, I have been in the lowest for 4 years… it’s time for some consolation or turn of the wheel right???

2009 has been a rollercoaster ride in the dumps definitely… to one of my lowest point… broke up with my guy, had my divorce finalized… so much work squeezed within a short period… rushing this and that… well, it has it’s ups… like finally went on a trip with my family… reached a consensus on some issues with someone special… work wise, I managed to implement phase 1 & 2 of a major project… managed to survive the huge amount of work… this has been a year when there was much struggle within myself and also lots of self challenges… be it work or life… I went on a trip alone to an unknown place and survived!!! one of the accomplishments…

Anyway, no matter how each year sucks, there is always at least one comfort which is that I had watched Estelle grow another year older.. and talking about older, arrrggghhhh… Jan babies always have a struggle during the coming of the new year… cos’ coming of the new year means coming of age too… another year older in a mth’s time… sob sob, i crossed the 30th mark… 30 years old is the age between 20s and 30s… a mth later, I will be 31!!!! arrggghhhh…. I’m middle-aged!!!!!! man… this sucks…

I’m really looking forward to 2010… every year it’s like fixing a puzzle… cos’ you dun know what life will bring you for the coming year… you will not see the end result until you piece it up at the end… that is what makes life exciting… the unknown… i’m still relying much on my principle which is live life to the fullest because you never knows when it’s going to end… when you want to do sthg, just do it!!! if not, you never know if you ever get the chance again…

A decade has passed… since the millenium… 10 years of my life has just gone like that… and it’s been tough… oh well, who says life has always been easy…

Sick…

arrggghhhh… just when estelle is supposed to come over tomorrow, I’m sick… actually had slight sore throat for the past 2 days but today it got worse… and the sore throat is accompanied with cough, headache and body ache… too bad the doctor is closed today… think I go see the doc tomorrow… then take medicine, rest well tomorrow and hopefully I feel better on sunday so that estelle can come over after church… at least get to spend half a day with her.. missed her lots…

Slept for 3 hours in the afternoon… just crashed… dun know why suddenly felt really tired then… and though it was hot, I had to be under covers though I didn’t on the aircon… hmm… maybe cos’ i’m sick… arrgghhh, dun know what it is also… can’t be flu cos’ my airways are clear… sigh… maybe it’s throat infection…

it’s near the end of christmas today… it was alright this year though i’m alone… maybe cos’ most of my time it was just sleeping and on the net… hiaks! and also, managed to spend some good times with someone special yesterday… so guess that’s the consolation ba…

and, after christmas, another big holiday to survive… new year… the turn of the decade… Estelle should be with me this year like every new year and we always do the countdowns in our sleep… hahaha… so i guess i wun be lonely during new year… and after new year, all the work will start coming cos’ everyone is back from leave… no more holiday mood… and after that, my birthday… arrggghhhh…. another year older… oh well, i leave the looking back and recalling what I did for the past year for my new year’s eve blog ba… 2009 has been tough…

Merry Christmas!!!

Will be spending Christmas alone again this year… but well, not too afraid of it anymore… Estelle will be coming on boxing day so no worries… anyway, a day passes really quickly with all the FB games… moreover, I can go for my long run if it doesn’t rain… the other time went for the 11km run, my legs felt that they were going to fall off from my torso.. it’s not right after the run but more of after that day of the run… can’t even really walk properly… also, haven’t gone to work like for about 3 weeks so felt the ankles aching while walking in high heels… but after 2 days, used to it again… hehe… heels makes me look taller…

hmm… at least I got some company on eve… appreciate it.. hehe… well, ever since I grow up, dun really go for christmas parties and stuff… last time when I was still with my ex husband, we used to gather at a friend’s place and just have dinner and talk cock… but ever since I left him, I didn’t join them anymore… I believe they are still having it every year cos’ estelle will always attend the party (her bestie Leroy is always there too)… and of course, the other woman of my ex will be in tow to the party too… sometimes I wonder what it feels like to live the life that I had lived… like going out with our besties couples and friends… instead of me, I am replaced by her… oh well… i hope she have fun but if I am my friends, I will feel kinda weird and definitely not as close to her than with me… afterall, I was the original Mrs… but of course, time will increase the closeness so probably the other woman is my friends’ bestie liao… anyway, I dun contact them anymore, I feel kinda awkward after all they are always in contact with my ex and the other woman…

well, I still have my good friends out there.. yeah, you guys rock!!! hahaha… i will definitely not be short on friends… sometimes have to decide who to go out with… but of course, those who are slightly special will always get the priority… hehe… and yes, thanks to those friends who had invited me to the christmas party on the eve, but I have other plans… thanks though… and seriously I think I’m going to fall sick… so got to take care of myself…

Productive at work

I feel that I had been really productive for the past 2 days at work… maybe it’s the long break and probably as a slight better bit of drive to work… but actually, maybe cos’ there’s lots of work and when I come back, I dun like to ‘owe’ ppl stuff so I clear them as fast as I can so there’s no pending issues… it’s me.. i just cannot leave something undone… if I leave it undone, it will take alot of determination to go back to where I left it off and start working on it again… I like to do it and finish it as soon as possible…

Had fun at dinner… hehe… laugh lots tonight though it was a short night and I came back home by 7plus… haven’t made any plans for christmas yet… estelle will probably come on 26th night… so I have eve, christmas & boxing day to myself… Hmm… oh well… boxing day most probably will stay home to wait for estelle… for eve, still waiting for confirmation… for christmas, hmm, maybe jio ppl to play mj?? dun know… see how ba…

haven’t been sleeping well these few days… think will try to sleep before midnight tonight…

had a weird dream last night again…

had a weird dream again last night… wanted to ask about it but didn’t end the night on a good way… so didn’t ask… maybe next time ba… sometimes I just dun understand men… when you dun agree with them, they unhappy… when you subsequently agree, then they also unhappy… expect what then?  just keep quiet the best… that is y didn’t ask about the dream… hmm…

wun describe what is in the dream cos’ it’s kinda personal… maybe next time ba… think i have to remind myself to ask in the next few days… or maybe dun ask… just keep to myself… see how first… maybe the other party is not interested anyway so no point asking… actually the answer will be quite crucial… oh well… maybe it’s just a dream…

breathe in, breathe out… just take a step at a time…

Long holiday is ending today…

yes… my long holiday of about 18 days is ending today… arrggghhh.. couldn’t sleep last few nights, maybe cos’ dreading of going back to work..

these 18 days had been spent together with Estelle and I had a great time though some times she can be really really naughty… it’s like everyday, she’s the first person I see when I wake up and the last person I see before I close my eyes to sleep… she was having this crying spell last night when I replied that she will be staying with Daddy after church this morning… I didn’t offer to tell her, she asked me if she is coming back to my place after church and I told her no… then she cried straightaway… sigh… my heart aches whenever she cries… starting to miss her already…

guess it’s time for me to push on at work again… starting from tomorrow… i dun think i want to bother about work today though it is tempting to clear some work at home since I have my laptop with me but well, what the heck, I’m still on leave!!!! let me enjoy first and tomorrow then say ya??? :P

hope estelle will have a nice christmas.. she’s going to spend christmas with daddy again and this year, I guess i’m spending christmas alone again… hai… see how…

‘The Princess & The Frog’ + ‘Planet 51′

Brought Estelle to watch both of these movies… holiday ending in about 3 days… she will be going back to her daddy’s place on sat night… and i’ll have a day myself on sunday…

both of the movies are good… planet 51 is funny and the princess is well, as usual, gives you the disney kinda good feeling…

will write more on my blog when estelle not around… cos’ it’s really hard to type near to her while she’s sleeping… she always stirs when she hears the soft punching of the keys on the keyboard even though I already try my very best to punch as softly as I can..

had put on weight… arrrggghhhh… think i need to eat less (tot I am eating less already) and need to exercise more… anyway, bought Ukimono… whahaha… the advert is very funny lah… fats kena punched… dun think it will work very well but with less food and more exercise, maybe it is effective… aiyah, dun know lah, see how lor… estelle also very funny… i ask her if i should buy then she say yes… i ask her if i’m fat, she say no… then anyway, i decided to buy it but told her the salesperson may laugh at me for wanting to buy and she replied this ‘just tell her you buy it as a present for someone lor’… aiyoh, dun know i should laugh or should be angry wor… i guess that’s a white lie?? :P

estelle is growing to be cheekier and cheekier… she likes to disturb ppl de… hmm, sounds like me actually… LOL…

Bintan Day Number 4 + Home sweet home

Managed to sneak a swim with estelle in the pool on the last day… we had so much fun… she was leaping from the stairs towards me… cos’ I wanted to train her not to be afraid of water… even though water can get into her eyes… also supported her and told her to kick and swim… LOL…

The ferry trip back to singapore was hell for me cos’ I felt the seasickness again… then this time it was worse cos’ there was a boy who kept crying on and off… it’s like he was also seasick and like cry for 5 secs, stop for 10 seconds, cry for 5 seconds again and stop for 10 seconds… repeating the cycle… Wah lao, i was already uncomfortble and plus this, it was worse… fortunately, estelle fell asleep but she used my arm as support pillow… my arm was like in between her head and the arm rest… it was there for like the whole of 45 minutes and my arm hurt so bad at the end of the trip… oh well, some sacrifice for her to sleep peacefully…

bought moet & chandon champagne again this time around… actually it’s 2… hehe… bought chivas and bacardi plus kilkenny… didn’t buy vodka cos’ too many vodkas at home le… with my rum, I can make my Mojito… hehe…

anyway, my leave is ending soon.. I have 10 days left with estelle… time seems to fly when on leave… sianz… after that, it’s back at work again… cleared some work email last night… actually still not so bad… since last friday till yesterday, only about 135 emails… dun worry my friends, i’m not working while I’m on leave… I dun want to touch my work till i’m back at work… i should enjoy my leave… yessss!!!!

Bintan Day Number 3

Let me continue with day 2 first… estelle was very naughty again as usual… didn’t eat much during dinner… and creating a big fuss again when we asked her to eat more… anyway, the whole night she was very naughty lah..

third day we went for breakfast… asked about the day tours in Bintan which none felt fun… we went to the mini-zoo in the resort and saw some animals… think estelle enjoyed that one a little… breakfast she didn’t eat much… ta pau noodles for lunch but she already ate bread so didn’t eat much noodles… dun know why she always eat so little… but she still finishes her milk…

hopefully last night tonight she will behave… going back to Singapore tomorrow le… sianz, think tonight do a bit of packing first… she’s still having her nap..

Bintan Day Number 2

Estelle is a bit more behaved today… maybe cos’ she’s got enough sleep… she’s sleeping now in the afternoon.. couldn’t get a good tan cos’ she kept disturbing… anyway, this morning after breakfast, we went to the beach and the pool… think she loved it…

tonight we are going to pasar oleh oleh… wait for her to sleep enough first… think i dun type too much in case she can hear me typing… and think i should go get more sun in our private pool… hehe…

Finally logged on… Bintan Day Number 1

Took the ferry from TMFT to Bintan at 2pm… reached Bintan at about 3pm Singapore time… the ferry trip was quite terrible cos’ I thought I felt a bit seasick and nausea… arrggghhh, should have brought my pills… anyway, I think Estelle felt it too but wasn’t as bad as mine… it’s like I was hoping she doesn’t puke, if not, will be a big mess though there are vomiting bags provided…

After that, we took a short ride on the shuttle bus, probably about 10-15 minutes I think… to reach Mayang Sari for checking into Indra Maya Villas… by the time we check in, I think it was 4pm le… and I was the designated buggy driver so thought of going around to familiarize with the driving and the place however, my mum suggested that all of them follow me also…

So went around, did a bit of shopping… bought Estelle her first gift which is a soft toy rhino… very cute de…  after that went for dinner… Estelle wasn’t really cooperative anyway… maybe she didn’t sleep in the afternoon, I am not too sure but it’s really tough to bring her around…

The connection to the internet here is free however, the connection is so slow that it is driving me crazy… just now in the afternoon it was alright… dun know why at night it is even slower… sigh, I guess I just have to be patient.. and this entry I had to type in my Microsoft word first after that, cut and paste into the website… provided I can load the page…

Sigh… I’m missing him a lot… lots…

Fetish…

I think I have a fetish for jackets/coats/trenchies/windbreakers/cardigans/sweaters etc… whatever which is worn outside as an extra layer… therefore I seriously suspect that I was a flasher in my previous life… to me, one will never have enough of the jackets/coats/trenchies/windbreakers/cardigans.. I have at least 10 of them.. :P Whenever I see one, I will want to buy it.. even though it’s summer all year long in Singapore.. that is why I love the rainy season cos’ it’s the time to put my stuff in use… hehe…

Let me try to recall my collection…

I have 2 cardigans - both black… used to have a white one but gave away… 2 windbreakers - esprit (blue) & nike (red)… one long coat (blue from mango)… 2 trenchies (one cream from G2000 & 1 black from Zara)… 3 jackets (1 black from mango, 1 grey from uniqlo & 1 denim from GAP)… as for sweaters, I have a few.. :P so, is it alot?  or maybe it’s just normal… :P

anyway, I have a thing for black clothes too… my wardrobe consists of like 90% black coloured clothes… dun ask me why though many ppl will say it’s a ’slimming’ colour… i dun doubt that but ppl actually comments that I look good in black… if it is not black, it’s white or off white… as for colours, i only have a few pieces and most of them are in red/pink/fuchsia… hmm… yeah, guess ppl say i have weird sense of fashion but i’m always ahead of the fashion really… hehe.. cos’ it’s my own style… and oh yes, i love boots… dun ask me why.. i also dun know… or maybe in my past life, i was an ang moh.. i think this one more probable… cos’ everyone says that i think like an ang moh… hmm…

Bintan, here I come!!!!

Hehe… in 24 hours time, I will be IN bintan with estelle and parents in our own private villa… and you bet I will be taking lots and lots of photos… cos’ this is the first time I’m so generous with lodging on an overseas trip… i mean, it’s a chance to have a private pool isn’t it?  cos’ instead of booking 2 rooms, why dun I book a villa??  hehe… moreover, this is the nicest villa overlooking the sea… come on, doesn’t hurt to splurge for the 1st time right? hehe… bringing cash (S$800 + USD150) plus some of my credit cards.. i think should be enough for 4 days right??  if not, will use the cards, provided that they accept credit… i think credit cards are accepted quite widely internationally…

am really happy today… really appreciate what somebody did this morning… afterall, it’s out of the norm and I was really surprised… though it may seems like a trivial thing, Estelle and myself enjoyed ourselves very much… thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, you know who you are… hehe…

arrrggghhh.. it’s coming to the end of year soon and the feeling of growing old is here again… i’m going to be 31 next month… another year older but another year wiser??? i dun know but definitely sure that the past year had been a ride down the dumps most times and I managed to live through it… hopefully next year will be a better year… I think my prediction had been right for 2007 - 2009… I hope i’m right for next year.. It will be a slightly better year next year 2010… but really looking forward to 2011… dun know why… just got a good feeling about that year…

nearly had a heart attack…

nearly had a heart attack when I saw the interface of friendster changed… cos’ couldn’t locate the link to manage my blog… tot it was wiped out just like that… though I did save up to like november posting i think… hmm…

anyway, got my LOST season 4 code 1 DVD today… they sent by post, not courier… good also… so left 2 more packages to come to me in 1 piece.. hehe.. so happy that i finally got the DVD… now waiting for my season 5 and my PM figurine…

packed most of the stuff for bintan… 1 more day… hopefully estelle will be able to sleep well there… i think better bring her pillow and maybe one of her friends (i mean, her soft toys) so at least with sthg familiar, maybe easier to fall asleep… i’m gg to bring my laptop there cos’ they have wifi in room (or so they claim, after all, i paid bloody 550 per night!!) so can post updated photos in FB… hehe…

had been with Estelle for the past 4 days… and she will be with me till 20th dec.. hehe… after that, it’s work and more work again.. plus all the frustrations that comes along when tolerating with useless stuntpersons at work… i think one day i will go crazy… LOL

Miss him lots…

Overseas package…

Ordered LOST Season 4 & 5 DVD code 1 from amazon and also a Precious Moments Figurine from states cos’ all of these are not sold in Singapore.. My figurine should reach on 7th Dec however, I am not around so I called up FedEx to hold the package for me first and I will pick it up from the warehouse after I come back from my trip…

as for the Lost Season 4, it is on the way here but not by flight… so it’s estimated delivery time is 2nd Jan… but they didn’t put is delivered by which courier service… and my season 5 got to wait for stock cos’ no stock on hand… Hmm… should have ordered earlier but cos’ my bro told me before that amazon dun do international shipping… the other time i just curious, so went in to try and can leh… so ordered straightaway…

One thing I dun like about ordering from overseas is cos’ I’m afraid that the item gets lost during transit… then how?  so much trouble.. moreover money already charged to card, you can’t say you dun want to pay…

hmm, see how this time ba.. if it goes smoothly, I think it will raise my confidence in ordering items from overseas to be delivered here…

gg to bintan in about 4 days time… can’t wait… hehe…

Shocking!!!

haven’t been shocked for a long time already… but was shocked just now while estelle and I were having girls’ talk right before bedtime… usually if she can’t sleep, we will just chit chat while lying on the bed, trying to fall asleep… that was what happened just now…

So we were talking and talking and dun know why she came to the topic of babies and she was asking me if she drank my milk… then I told her, no cos’ she refused to latched on as a baby and I had to expressed out my milk for her… then she replied where and how I did it, is it put the milk bottle at my current dressing table and I squeeze out the milk and whether others saw it… so I told her I did it previously in the bedroom at Daddy’s house cos I used to stay at Daddy’s house..

after that, she said how come I am not staying there now… I told her cos’ we are not married anymore… then she said ‘oh, last time you and daddy married so you stay there lah.. now not already, so you stay here’… i told her yes… then she said ‘Never mind, you can get married to somebody else what.. You can get your own man…’ i do not know if she said that was to console me… I looked really shocked when she said that.. I told her I am so ugly, nobody will want me… then she continued ‘Do you like Uncle xxxx?’  This time, I was even more shocked… when she saw my shocking face, she laughed immediately… I didn’t answer the question even though i know the answer… cos’ I dun know if I should tell her that… i think she was just trying to tease me… that is why she had the cheeky look when she asked that question…

how matured can she be?  She was telling me that it’s okay to not be with daddy anymore and that I can get my own man and get married again??? the funniest thing is the ‘You can get your own man…’  Aiyoh, it’s like how girlfriends talk lor… but that will be like from grown up ladies and not from 4 year old girls… Probably she’s unintentionally forced by the circumstances to grow up quickly… just like how I had been when my parents divorced at I was 7 years old… Sad thing is she wouldn’t have any memories of daddy and mummy together and I am sure that the oldest memories she has is that daddy and mummy are already living at different houses… maybe it’s a good thing also, cos’ she definitely can’t remember the fights and quarrels too…

Getting used to and getting not used to…

Do you ever have that kinda feeling… that you are so used to something that you never feel the presence?  and the only time you feel the presence is when it is gone?  that is when you are not getting used to not having it around…

probably that’s how things are taken granted for… anyway, I didn’t take it for granted but the feeling described above is exactly how I am feeling… I’m referring to my anklet… dropped my anklet but well, managed to find it… when I’m wearing it, i dun really feel it cos’ it’s always there and i’m so used to having it on my ankle… and even when it fell off my ankle, i didn’t realised it… I only realised it when I was bathing and suddenly felt that it wasn’t there… well, managed to trace back the tracks and found it… I dun take the anklet for granted cos’ whenever I see it, it reminds me of the person who gave it to me… hmm…

i think it is a reminder to me that I shouldn’t take things/ppl for granted… usually I dun but sometimes, even you dun feel it, others might feel it… but sometimes I do feel that ppl take me for granted… Hmm… i’m not being sensitive and it’s not the time of the month but just had this thought when I lost my anklet… thank god it was found… if not, I would be really upset…

Officially on leave… + trip to Krabi in May 2010 confirmed…

Yes… finally… officially on leave for 3 bloody weeks… but first day already got bombarded with phone calls… i think i must switch off my phone so that I wun get disturbed… nb… sometimes really wonder what for go on leave when ppl still swarm you with work… arrggghhh… should have gone overseas longer… when others on leave, i dun go disturb de lor… unless necessary… but for this person, it’s different… really bitchy… every small little thing also wants to call lah, msg lah, email lah… f**ker… next time he on leave, i also must disturb him liao… *pui*

i booked my trip to Krabi next May… and plane tixs plus hotel has confirmed… yay!!! can’t wait for the trip… at least got sthg to look forward to cos’ i know my bintan trip will end very quickly de… my krabi trip will be 6D5N… can’t stay as long as phuket cos’ firstly hotel not as cheap cos the one i’m staying is quite decent and reasonable (cannot compare to the decent and cheap one at phuket)… location wise, it’s beach front… at Ao Nang Beach.. and 2ndly, this time around, i’m not gg alone… hehe… so my friends wun get to see my photos (in FB) of me taking my own picture in the bathtub using the toilet cover as a stand for the camera… whahaha… since i’m not going alone, can’t go for too long cos’ not everyone is like me, can just go somewhere for a long time and rot there… hiaks!! and yes, i took leave liao, in case someone give me a stunt say I cannot take leave…

Going on leave soon…

Yes… will be on leave for 3 weeks… I dun really have a choice to break up my leave cos’ the other days my boss or my right hand man are on leave… so I got to take those days that they are not on leave… still trying to clear lots of work before going on leave… anyway, will be bringing my laptop back home, to occasionally check my emails and do some work… if not, confirm alot of backlog when I come back…

next monday going to bintan already… yay!!!!

A weird dream

The other night I had the weirdest dream… anyway, i will describe what my dream is about and what i analyzed of it…

I dreamt that I was on a beach… I was walking along it and I dun know I was looking for what but I just keep on walking… and I think my friends were with me… as we were walking, they told me to go out onto one island which is far away from the beach however, is still in the line of our sight… however, I refused cos’ the waves were really huge and crazy… I continued walking along and I think they didn’t come along… walked till I came to this huge cave, with a beautiful waterfall in it… the cave was really magnificant and sthg which I have never seen before… after that, I can’t remember what happened…

See interpretations of the major things that I have dreamt:-

To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.

To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean, indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc.

To see  or dream that you are on an island, signifies ease, relaxation and comfort. The dream is telling you that you need a vacation and escape the stresses in your life. You want some solitude. 

To see or dream that you are in a cave, symbolize the womb and thus signify refuge, protection and concealment.

To see a waterfall in your dream, is symbolic of letting go.  You are releasing all those pent up emotions and negative feelings. The dream may also represent your goals and desires. In particular, if the waterfall is clear, then it represents revitalization, regeneration and renewal.

Ok, now let me put everything together… I think I am currently in a struggle… as to whether to follow my rational or irrational mind… rational tells me to stay on my rational course and eventually i will find my refuge or peace however, this includes letting go of sthg… there is a different kind of paradise out in the open too but i didn’t dare venture out into the unknown… in my dream, i choose rationality though i see that there might be a different happiness in the unknown which may involve some major decision making…

actually I tot that i’m more of the emotional person and I tot I would venture out even though it’s unknown… moreover i could see clearly that there is sthg out there.. i guess what my subconscious mind is telling me that no matter what i choose, eventually I am going to reach some point of paradise, be it the island or the cave (if you know what I mean)… hmm… i think i need to remember more of my dreams… oh well.. just take a step at a time ba….

Estelle as the flower girl for Andy’s wedding…

Loaded pics & video of estelle being the flower girl @ Andy’s wedding… She is soooooo cute… at the start she was alright but getting later into the night, she became really mang zhang… dun know why also… moreover she didnt really eat much… only keep munching on the grapes… and think she had too much fun during the day that she was having nightmares at night… suddenly cry and shouted during her sleep… had to comfort her by hugging her and whisper sweet-nothings.. but anyway, fortunately she could fall asleep again…

well, another few more days and she will be with me for many many days… cos’ i’m going on long leave… also bringing her and my parents to Bintan next Monday… yay!!! i can have my sun liao lor… can’t wait to go see our private villa with sea view… will take many many pictures…

Neck still hurts

Had been having a stiff neck since last week… and it’s really killing me… arrggghhhh… had a great time last night during dinner… dun noe why also but really enjoyed it… thanks to whoever you are… hehe…

can’t wait for my 3 weeks of leave that will start next week… finally… lots of time with Estelle… and of course, there is also the Bintan trip that I’m looking forward to… look out for the photos which I will post in my FB account… think I am going to bring my laptop there… :P can’t leave a day not logging onto the internet…

kinda disappointed this morning…

yeah, title spells it… was looking forward to sthg but guess everytime things just dun go the way you want it… well, I wun force it… guess there will be a right time ba… but I dun think I ever want to try again le… there is only so much I can do and if still rejected, no matter how many times I try, it will still be rejected… so… ya.. anyway, time will tell… just take a step at a time ba…

must think of ‘happy’ thoughts… oh yes, I’m gg for The Killers concert next Jan!!! Yay!!!! hehe…

Bad luck during shopping this afternoon…

suddenly felt like going shopping cos’ my SKII toner is finishing so tot take this opportunity to take PM leave to go shopping since I need to clear my leave anyway… and remembered I saw a msg saying that TANGS have closed door specials for their members…

When I went over to Vivocity, I didn’t see that TANGS were only restricting entry for members only… then I realised that I got the dates wrong.. the closed door special is on Wednesday… and today is tuesday… arrrgggghhhhh… Bad luck no. 1…

After that, didn’t shop at tangs and went to Toys’R'Us to get monopoly junior for Estelle as christmas present… so got it and thought, nvm lah, no need to go to Tangs again tomorrow… i just buy what i need which is the SKII toner… so went to the SKII booth at vivo tangs… i wanted the big bottle… the salesgirl checked and told me that they are out of stock… *pengz* Bad luck No. 2… then I asked her if they have stock at orchard tangs… she said yes so went to orchard by MRT… didn’t even shopped at vivo cos’ dun bother… suddenly felt tired so wanted to finish up asap…

reached orchard tangs… bought the toner and was given some lucky draw coupon… filled it up and walked around the first level to find the bloody box… cannot find so asked the cashier… she told me 3rd level.. so went up to level 3, walked around but cannot find the box… decided to ask someone again… told me that it was actually near to the escalator… arrggghhh… Bad luck No. 3

dropped the coupon into box… went down again… decided to go M&S to get something for family… went there, got something for everyone and of course, Estelle too… then left… decided to take the bus cos’ I wanted to go AMK to get something… then went to the bus stop outside DFS (dun know what hotel name) to wait for bus 132 when actually i could have walked to the bus stop outside Thai Embassy… walked the wrong way… Bad luck No. 4….

Walked to the bus stop and saw that 132 doesn’t stop there??? ARRGGGHHHH… Bad luck No. 5… i remembered years ago, 132 stops there lor… apparently they changed the bus route or whatever… so went to see the buses info and saw this express bus that goes to AMK within a few stops 128… so waited for prob 15 mins… and decided, that i may have seen wrongly… so went to take a closer look.. nb, the bus only operates during the evening… Bad luck No. 6… arrggghhhh… so I just hopped onto a bus that brings me to Newton MRT and took MRT to AMK… when I could have taken MRT in the first place at Orchard… arrggghhhh…

Reached AMK… bought watever and went back in taxi cos’ really really tired le… sigh… shouldn’t have gone shopping today… really full of bad luck sia… how come everytime I shop for christmas presents, it’s bad luck de… last year, got into car accident after shopping for christmas presents… sigh…

Call from India…

3 nights ago, I received a call @ 5am.. estelle was around with me so I quickly woke up and pick up the call… the number appearing on my caller ID is an overseas number though I dun know which country… Below is the conversation between me and the Indian f**ker (IF):

Me: Hello??

IF: *quiet*

Me: Hello???!!!! Hello???!!!!

IF: *quiet*

Me: Who are you looking for???!!!!

IF: Hello! Is this a Singapore line? (in authentic Indian accent)

Me: Ya! who do you want to speak to???!!!

IF: What is your name??? (in the same stupid accent)

Me: Harlow!!! You call and you ask my name??? who you looking for?? Wrong number lah!!!!

IF: I want to know your name..

Me: Oei, f**k you understand???!!!!

IF: Eh, f**k me?? you want to f**k me ah??!!!!

Me: F**k you!!! CB… (hung up the phone)

You can’t blame me for using vulgar language cos’ i was really groggy just awoken from sleep and this fellow have to call and be a clown over the phone… kns…

After that call, he kept calling again… I kept pressing the red button, refusing to pick up… i think he called about like 10 times… but there was another call in between that I picked up cos’ i wanted to scold him again… below was the conversation:

Me: Hello!!! I told you you got the bloody wrong number!!!! Can you dun call again???!!!!

IF: You Chinese???

Me: Do I sound like a f**king Indian to you??? I’m not like a f**king Indian like you!!!!

IF: You Indian???? *wanted to carry on with sthg but I cut him off*

Me: I told you I not f**king Indian like you!!!! F**k you lah!!! *hung up phone*

After that, I switched off the phone… and in the morning @ 8am, I called Singtel to bar the number… but was told that they cannot bar overseas number… so told them to check which country the number is from… they told me that it is a call from India… which I suspected at first… I mean, where else can you find the bloody accent… kns… after that, I vowed to put the number on India’s social networking website stating ‘call me @ xxxx if interested in knowing a sexy lady’… angry sia… till now, he haven’t called back… better dun mess around with me cos’ he is going to regret it… nb…

KittyLab & finally a run again…

Went to KittyLab with Estelle on Friday… fortunately it is a friday and there wasn’t much ppl.. however, Estelle was a bit mang zhang maybe cos’ it’s near to her nap time and she woke up early that day… anyway, bought some sovenir for herself and myself too… hehe… and too bad, no photos or videos are allowed in the exhibition hall… though it wasn’t really good but the props they used are very cute… very cartoony and really feel like being in the cartoon world… managed to come out within 35 mins and we got the good citizen badge or sthg… hehe…

And today, finally go for a run again… had been raining for the past few weeks and didn’t had a chance to go for run… and today, tot it was going to rain again but after I sent Estelle back, the sky looked clear and it was windy… so quickly went for the run… but realised that my NIKE+ sensor is not working… fortunately got one spare at home… so went back home to change and ran… this time, i did about 45 mins for 8km… 1 min faster than the previous run about 3 weeks ago… LOL.. must go more often… fat liao…

Raindrops are non-existence when…

Raindrops are non-existence to me when I am crying in the rain… cos’ I can’t tell the difference between the tears falling down my face or the raindrops drizzling down my face… I tried to control my tears on the trip back home from office last evening but I just can’t… Was feeling really lousy the whole day yesterday… wanted to wait till i go back home and then squat in a corner and cry but just can’t… squatting in a corner and cry is one of the ways I release stress and unhappiness… my friend asked me why squat in a corner & not sit on a chair… i told him it’s because crying requires alot of energy… and since there is no one to support you, the 2 sides of the wall supports you and ensure that you will not fall… though it may release stress and unhappiness for me, it kinda made me realised or feel that there isn’t anyone for me when i needed the release… cos there’s no one for me to cry on… maybe it’s not that I dun have anyone to cry on but I’m just acting strong in front of others (those close to me) and yet, the most vulnerable when I’m alone…

feeling alot better today cos’ the misunderstanding during the lousy morning yesterday had been cleared… it really hurts to know that one of my dearest actually thinks that I’m a heartless person who enjoys seeing others suffer… I dun give a hoot about what others say about me e.g. monster, bitchy etc… but I am very affected when ppl closest to me judged me as someone I’m not… I will get upset when those dearest to me say something about me which is not true… Because if they are so close to me, they should know what kind of person I am…

a lousy morning…

didn’t have the mood to work today cos’ had a lousy morning to start the day with.. but managed to get some work done… booked the tixs to Hello Kitty on friday already… can’t wait to go with Estelle and take lots of photos…

a few days ago, a cyst appeared on my left eye… i put the cream religiously on the affected spot but still it got bigger till I poked it with a needle to try to squeeze the pus out (but not much leh).. now a bit smaller but there is still something there and feeling quite uncomfortable.. must be due to heatiness during the deployment…

still feeling lousy… i think i will just sleep it through the whole of tonight and whole of tomorrow… maybe I will feel better after I wake up…

Paranormal Activity + KittyLab

Went to watch paranormal acvitivty because 2012 was sold out… It was very freaky… as freaky as blair witch, for those who can still remember… If you are not into horror movies, or are afraid to watch those scary movies, DUN WATCH IT… cos’ I’m still feeling the freaks after a few days… arrggghhh, dun know when the feeling will go away… still freaks me out…

anyway, found out that Hello Kitty has some exhibition for 35 years anniversary in Singapore call Kitty Lab… going to bring Estelle to go the exhibition on Friday… I went to the website and saw a sovenir I want to get… it’s a cute hello kitty plush which can vibrate, and light up on the cheeks.. very cute… hehe… can’t wait..

today is the last day of deployment already… provided it doesn’t extend… sianz… finally, it’s all over soon…

missed both of them so much…

tot can meet up with him for dinner tonight since tonight is one of the time that our schedule doesn’t clash… BUT… he’s sick… think he overworked already ba… plus he usually very busy with his family also…

Missed estelle really much too… can’t go over to see her cos’ she’s bound to not let me leave after the visit… and will keep crying…

few more days to go… and my morale is getting lower and lower everyday… and I am getting more depressed each day… trying to cheer myself up le but… i dun know.. just feel like shit… maybe i missed both of them too much ba…

6th day in hell week…

in the 6th day of hell week… getting really heated day after day at work… today went for a tan this morning and finally i got my needed tan.. whahaha… but my friend say that it’s not dark enough… fark… now my skin very itchy cos’ i think i overtanned… the sun was really hot near to noon…  think I will peel the next few days…

missed my guy… very very much… haven’t seen him for more than a week already… sigh… but it was great to at least hear his voice…

Christmas is coming soon…

Cracking my head to think about what to get for my guy for Christmas.. Actually already given him part of the present le… cos’ the other time, I dun know if he is going to choose me… and at the time, since I had already completed the ‘present’, I gave to him first, in case he didn’t choose to be with me… actually every Christmas I give him these… 999 paper cranes… they are made for him so that if he needs any wishes, he can use them by burning them and wish upon them… so to ensure he dun run out of wishes, every year will make for him… 3 years already… dun know if he used any of them…

hmm… think i get sthg small for him for christmas… last year got him boxers and it was the same day I got into accident… sigh… still dun know what to get for him… but i know what to get for him for his birthday next year which is in Feb… we always celebrate his birthday and valentine’s day together cos’ his birthday is near to valentine’s day… so usually celebration and present can slurge abit… hehe… hopefully they have sale on what I want to get for him end of this year… it’s a secret… hehe…

4th day into hell week… 5 more days to go… arrrggghhhhh….

2nd day of Hell Week…

Doing the graveyard shift… it’s only the 2nd day and I miss my guy very very much… miss Estelle very very much too… 7 more days to go… arrggghhhhh…. really tired… very tired… but guess it doesn’t help even if there are many off days after this event… it’s called burnout… i think I need a change of environment… sigh…

Saw VI

It was so predictable… I didn’t expect Jigsaw to be back alive and I was right… it was about the box that Jigsaw left for his wife and also his vigilante whom is the detective… Saw V was predictable and Saw VI also… thought it would be something unpredictable… but I guess ppl go watch it for the blood and gore… hahaha… anyway, I’m not really a fan… only caught the previous episodes cos’ my colleagues were watching them.. hahaha…

arrggghhhh… tomorrow on night shift… today was on morning shift and after morning shift, went to catch the show at The Cathay… missed Estelle and my guy… sigh… 7 more days to go…

Start of Hell Week…

Yes, it’s the start of hell week today… one week to go… I hope all of us can pull through… damn…

Had a great time with him 2 nights ago…

He cooked for me 2 nights ago… though it was not a lavish dinner or sthg, it was nice of him to put in the effort to give me a surprise… He didn’t tell me or anything.. He just went to the supermarket alone and bought some stuff while I waited in the car.. so when he came back with some groceries, I asked him if his mum asked him to buy and he said yes… after that, went back to his place and he told me to go up too which I found it weird cos’ my existence is still not known yet… reached his place and found out that his parents wasn’t around…

After that he started cooking and I kinda spend half of the night over at his place… hehe… but realised something… he took down the mickey mouse puzzle I gave him previously… so asked him where it is, he said he kept it in the cupboard as he adjusted some of his furniture and afraid that it might get broken or sthg… and also, his room is exceptionally tidy… well, I will just take it as that ba… I think that between partners there must be trust… I know he will not jeopardize our relationship by lying to me… and he will not keep things from me… I just hope that my trust will not be betrayed…

the mad rush of work is starting tomorrow… actually already started during planning stage but tomorrow is the start of execution… arrgggghhhhh.. can’t wait for my dec trip… and i need my tan… and I need a break… a good break with my Estelle so that we can have lots and lots of fun…

feeling neglected…

yes, by my guy… msged him this afternoon to see if he wants to meet up for lunch cos’ very long never meet up le (since last wed or thurs)… but he didn’t reply… I tot he might still be sleeping cos he’s on night shift tonight… so called him at about 4pm… all i wanted was to hear his voice and chat with him… but who knows?  seems like he was too busy to talk to me so I told him that i didn’t want to disturb him and hung up…

i mean, come on… no matter how busy you are, I am sure you can spare 5 mins a day to just talk… even if it means talk about mundane things… you know, just updating on each other cos’ you not meeting up.. but apparently, I am not even worth 5 mins of talktime… i mean, you can’t even shit in 5 mins… msged him that I felt neglected and not expecting him to reply… cos’ maybe deep inside i didnt’ want him to reply… i tot i should just let him know how I feel cos didn’t want to accumulate all the unhappiness inside… i’m not a spare that just cos’ he doesn’t have any appt with his family/friends then he come look for me… i mean, i’m like last on his list… but hey, he’s like 2nd on my list… 1st is Estelle of course… but at least he is 2nd…

i dun think he will msg me or call me if i dun msg or call him first… it’s like, i’m not even on his mind… it’s like he had forgotten about me like that… i dun know… i’m just feeling very lousy right now… and only if he knows how i’m feeling and he cares about my feelings…

haven’t seen him for close to a week already…

cos’ he’s busy with work and also engaged with some family stuff… hmm… dun even have much time to talk to him… miss him alot… tot at the heat of all the work, at least can even meet him for a while, think it will help alot… he will just melt away all my stress with his kiss… hehe… but guess I will have to relieve stress in other ways le ba… like last night, went to watch movie alone… when I was buying tixs for one, this time around, the ppl queuing behind me was like whispering to her friend sthg… I could barely hear it but I could see her reflection at the box office glass panel… she was looking at the screen, seeing that I’m only buying one tix and probably she said to her friend, ‘where got ppl watch movie alone de?’ cos’ her friend replied really loudly, ‘Why not?’ then she whispered again and her friend said ‘Sometimes I do it also’… I know what she whispered cos’ i’m psychic… hehe…

I mean, what’s wrong with watching movie alone?  You dun talk during movies right?? think I mentioned this before.. the other time it was the counter staff which gave me that kinda look when I was watching a romance movie alone… whahaha…

going to start shift work this weekend… sianz… dun know if I will be able to meet him cos’ our work timings are really whacked… guess I just keep myself busy with work ba, so wun miss him too much…

Jennifer’s Body…

Haven’t watched a movie for very long le… so during the weekend, saw the movie listings cos’ Estelle wanted to watch Caroline… But Caroline doesn’t show in the normal movie screen (only in 3D) at AMK so didn’t bring her to watch… maybe after my deployment ba… deployment for next 2 weeks is like no off days… morning, night and then one sleeping off… the next day morning again…

Anyway, went to watch Jennifer’s Body just now cos’ of Megan Fox!!! hahaha… she is so pretty… should be catching Saw VI this week also, if possible… whahaha… hmm… The show is alright but if you are not a Megan Fox fan, dun go watch lor… a bit crappy but well, Megan is the lead and she’s got alot of airtime on the movie… hahaha… how I wish I have a body like hers… and her lips, aiyoh… actually i think my lips are comparable to hers… hahaha…

ok… it was all the way firefighting at work today.. more to come tomorrow… basically this whole week is to tie up the loose ends and also rushing for those issues which are still outstanding… sigh… but I still have a massage session on Wed afternoon… managed to slot in a PM leave to go for a massage for relaxation… whahaha…

3 more weeks…

3 more weeks… before the pace of work slows down a little… but still, the pace is hot for me cos’ I still have lots of work pending… but so, need to clear this 3 weeks before starting the engine or at least, gaining some power back to get onto work again… and of course, there is a long break in Dec that I am looking forward to…

This week will be damn busy, tying up last minute things for work… yes, everything is not settled or ready yet… but no choice cos’ we dun really have much time to work with either… oh well, when there’s a will, there’s a way… hahaha… is that right?

Estelle just went back… she didn’t bawl too much this time around but today, before she even stepped out of my house, she was crying and kept hugging my leg, crying ‘I miss you Mummy!!! I want you Mummy!!!’ Sigh, when I saw her like this, I was really heartbroken… i mean, everytime I see her like this, I’m heartbroken.. cos’ i know she really means it from her heart… she doesn’t fake it de…

anyway, really dreading work… I hope everything goes smoothly… sigh… but then again, things will never go smoothly… miss my guy cos’ he haven’t called me for 3 days le… he must be busy… too busy till forget about me ba… sigh..

Mummy, I changed boyfriend already…

When I heard this from Estelle, I nearly fainted… even though, yes, she had a boyfriend when she was still in my stomach, I never really took it seriously… cos’ her boyfriend, Leroy, was just a playmate as my ex husband and myself are close friends with Leroy’s parents… Then suddenly this morning, she just told me out of nowhere… I haven’t seen Leroy for a long time after I split with my ex husband cos’ I seldom or probably never kept contact with our mutual friends…

So when Estelle told me this, I asked her why and who is her new boyfriend… she said that she didn’t like Leroy cos’ he’s very naughty and rough… and then she talked about her new boyfriend whom she dun even know his name… some boy she saw at IKEA’s playhouse… dun know true or not…

I told her girls dun need boyfriends, at least not now… but dun know if she heard what I said cos’ the topic of our chit chat was suddenly changed again to something else by her… aiyoh… jialat lah like that… hmm.. must tell her to bring her boyfriend back for me to ‘interrogate’ first when she grows up… mustn’t let any boys break her heart… but I dun think her heart will be broken by boys but more of, she will break boys’ hearts… hmm, I was right to name her Estelle… I can’t bear to have her heart broken cos’ she’s my princess… hee…

no time left…

NO MORE TIME LEFT… ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH… going crazy…

Love guru I’m not…

Dun know why DOM Ho commented when I did I become the love doctor… cos’ I’m not… If I am, I wun be dumped by guys for so many times right??? hahaha… I guess my views in love are quite different from the rest of the girls… not too sure cos’ I dun really talk much about love to other girls… hahaha… i talk alot to guys as most of my close friends are guys… hmm, i think my guy is understanding enough to this ba… thank god he is not the possessive and jealous type… or he is?  Baby, are you?? hehe… dun be cos you are still my best friend… hehe… You know you are my closest friend hehe *sayang*…

Anyway, today still on course… I have so much work left at office to clear… moreover, no more time left already… only left 1 week to settle the stuff… actually less than that… sigh… How??? Dun know if me and my team will be able to do it or not…

Oh well, dun think so much cos’ the more I think, the more painful my headache… 1 more month to go.. arrggghhh… think will collapse by then… why why why????

Is it possible to be in love with 2 different persons at the same time?

This was what a friend *E* asked me just now… So told him that I will dedicate this post to him since he was really curious about my answer…

My answer is no… but it’s also yes… let me explain…

For me, if A is truly in love with B, A will not love C… And the only reason why A loves B and C at the same time is because A does not truly love B… A feels that B is imperfect and have flaws and A can never see beyond those flaws… and to make up for it, A falls in love with C for those things he cannot find in B… and usually B & C are the total opposites… if it is true love, A would have been contented with B and see past B’s flaws, not taking them into account…

No one is perfect… To love someone, it means loving the good and bad of them… and true love is compromise and tolerance… that’s what you see in the white hair couples who are still holding hands when they walk together, which i always envy… Ppl now are less compromising and less tolerant and have higher expectations, that is why, so many marriages break up… and mine is one of them… How I wish I have someone to grow old with me and be there when I’m old and frail and probably needs his support to even walk… and to be as loving even though both of us have no teeth when we are smiling at each other… doesn’t matter how much wrinkles both had accumulated because what you see, is the face of the lover that you had fell in love with at the very beginning…

So that’s my answer… i could go on and on as usual but that’s the gist of it…

oh yes, and to my friend, why you dreamt of a big/huge whale… pls see the following… if you want me to analyze your dream, you will have to narrate the dream in more details.. but basically, to see a whale in your dream, it represents your intuition and awareness.  You are in tuned with your sense of spirituality.  Alternatively, it indicates a relationship or business project that is too enormous to handle.  You may be feeling overwhelmed.  The dream may also be a pun on “wailing” and a desire to cry out about something.

I was right about telling you to squat in a corner and cry to relieve the stress isn’t it?  Hiaks!!! The meaning of the whale in dreams is extracted from a dream dictionary and it could be further analyzed if only you can provide details… Without it,  I can’t do much… but seriously, I’m good at analyzing dreams… cos’ I was into dream analysis since primary school… hehe… But I dun do it for free de hor… hahaha…

Guess I will have another additional blog fan after this… hiaks! oh yes, *E*, thanks for the track ‘Estella’s Theme’ from Great Expectations… he knew I probably will love it since I told him I named Estelle after the female character Estella from Great Expectations… Think I mentioned the reason why in my previous blog entries… hahaha…

Shopping splurge on Sunday…

okay, no more shopping till Christmas… the other day went shopping with Estelle bought alot of things… Let me see what I bought… hmm, 2 tank tops from Uniqlo, 2 bras from M&S, bag and shoes and a 100% cashmere stole (aka a long wide scarf) from Muji… got Estelle her marshmellows… didn’t get anything for Estelle cos’ didn’t find anything nice at the shops for kids… Actually was contemplating on the stole cos’ it costs like 99 bucks but it’s cashmere and 100% somemore!!! whahaha… anyway, didn’t own anything cashmere so bought it cos it felt really good on the skin and it looks nice too… hehe… while I was just trying on the sample, this Indon tai tai came over and ask me what was that and she tried also… she said nice and asked me if I buying… told her no… hehe.. but in the end, I bought… whahaha… so at least one less person wearing the same thing mah… Estelle said it was nice on me too… It’s fun going shopping with Estelle cos’ she give her views on whether it’s nice or which colour to buy etc… but her taste in clothes are a bit different from mine… she likes the pastel colours but for me, i think everyone knows I’m into black… whahaha…

Anyway, missed my guy… always have great time with him whenever we meet up… hehe… especially laughing together… sometimes it’s good not to take things too seriously… just go with the flow i guess… hehe…

Estelle crying again…

This week it’s even worse… though her Daddy came to pick her up, I thought she wouldn’t cry since she has her Daddy… but then, the same thing happened again… so whether I send her back to her granny or her daddy, no difference… she will still cry… she even wanted to get the camera from her daddy to take a photo of me so that when she misses me, she can see my photo… aiyoh, when I heard this, I could feel my tears coming out of my tear ducts… guess she must be missing me really much everyday… but she gets distracted easily so dun think she missed that much also… actually I try not to call her everyday cos’ the more she noticed of me, the more she’s going to miss me… therefore, I only call her when I am going to pick her up which is every friday…

we had a great time as usual this weekend… felt that she’s getting older each day and her answers to questions are so adult-like… I mean, I think she’s smart… she is very matured for her age especially when it comes to rationality…

hope she is doing fine over at her daddy’s house… i really dun wish to see her bawl everytime I send her over… cos’ it makes me miss her even more…

2nd day on course… Basic Microsoft Word

Aiyah, I tot my standard for word is really so low so took up this course… learn a few things however, the class is really slow… so spent most of my time during class to surf facebook and play the applications… including the MJ game… hehe… however, it is very challenging since there is no sound of what tiles being hit and sometimes I have to keep switching windows whenever the trainer walk over… whahaha…

Had breakfast and lunch today with my guy… hehe… he so sweet de… morning he called me to tell me he’s picking me up and during lunchtime he msged me to see if I had taken lunch oredi… (cos’ yesterday when he msged me for lunch, I already had lunch… the lunch time at course is really early like at 11.45am/12pm)… Had a fun time with him during breakfast and lunch… All I know is that we kept laughing at each other’s jokes and disturbing one another… hehe… which I really enjoy always… hehe…

hmm… can’t wait for Estelle to come over tonight… I have so many things for her… the hello kitty blankets (x2) + the Ponyo soft toy… hehe… bet she will be too happy to fall asleep tonight… :P just now spoke to her over the phone and told her that I have something special for her… told her that I will show it to her tonight but I guess ‘Like mother, like daughter’, she can’t wait and shouted ‘Mummy, tell me leh!  Tell me now!!’… whahaha… so told her about the blanket but I still have the Ponyo as a secret… hehe… I know she is gg to love it… anyway, the cartoon ponyo looks like her… just like the girl in totoro… hehe…

Thanks Baby…

Met him for dinner just now… I didn’t know what to say at first cos’ obviously it was my fault but no matter how, I know I had to personally say sorry in the face, not over msgs or emails… and I did… He did scold me or I would say, more of say about what I should/shouldn’t have done… I understood before he said it but still I listened… I knew I deserve his scolding de… but after that, we were just like before…

So I want to say Thanks Baby… for well, forgiving me about what I did and I will not do it again.. I promised le… for you and for myself…

We went for dinner and walked around at The Cathay… Saw Ponyo at one of the pushcart and bought it for Estelle… it’s the same pushcart which I previously bought Domo for Estelle.. Anyway, I know she’s definitely going to love it… hehe…

I’m sorry…

Just did something that made my guy angry… It wasn’t intentional but I should have known… Should have controlled myself… I feel really bad and remorseful about it but I guess by apologising or feeling bad or remorseful doesn’t help to diffuse his anger…

I promised him that I will not do it again… but guess he’s still angry probably cos’ he may be thinking that I will break my promise… however, the promise is also to myself cos’ I shouldn’t put myself in danger…

I miss him alot but guess I’m the last person on earth he would want to talk to or see… *sob sob*… I think I may have said it many many times but still, I want to say I’m sorry Baby…

Estelle doing the crying thing again…

It’s been so long since Estelle displayed the seperation anxiety… She cried whenever I tried to leave her Daddy’s house… so I stayed with her and she persuaded me to stay by extending the time and things we do together… finally after 2 hours, she still continued and when I saw that she had probably calmed down and getting ready to sleep, I told her that I had to leave… but then again, she started crying and shouting ‘I want Mummy!!!!’ and was bawling really loudly into the corridor…

I had to leave cos’ I didn’t want it to become a habit whenever I send her back… in fact, it’s been so long since she does that… I also dun know why she did it this week… moreover, i didn’t spend more time with her this week… hate to have sad goodbyes cos’ it pains me to see her crying… that is why I only managed to leave after 2 hours… sigh… really dun wish to see her cry… sometimes feel really helpless to see her cry… I dun like to see ppl I love cry and I love her the most… I just want her to be happy…

Bintan, here I come!!!

hehe… booked the villa already… the trip is confirmed… now waiting my mum to extend her passport validity and I can book the ferry service… can’t wait for the trip in Dec… well, at least something to look forward to… Bali will have to wait ba…  hehe… actually there is a nice hotel at Bali and quite cheap too but fully book… think want to go Bali must book early lor… hmm… oh well, after Bintan will be Krabi in probably May next year!!! hehe…

Estelle is sleeping now so sneaked away from bed to surf the net… hehe… I slept about an hour this afternoon (cos’ awaken by many phone calls from work, damn!) so can’t really sleep tonight…

the other night told my guy to join my family for christmas dinner this year… i think his face turned white straightaway… says he’s scared… hmm… told him dun have to be lor cos’ I will be there also… nothing to be afraid of… moreover my family is not the type who will drill others de… hmm… got to book him early if not he may come out with an excuse to decline this invitation… i guess it’s up to him ba… but seriously, i want my family to meet the guy that I am in love with…

Bintan, here I come!!!! nearly…

ok… so my parents can make it for the trip… now only wait to check with my ex MIL and ex husband to see if Estelle can make it on those days… hehe… hopefully no problem… 7th to 10th Dec… will check with them tomorrow when I go over to pick Estelle up… once confirmed, can book le…

funny thing is my mum didn’t even ask me how much or what… usually she will ask how much the trip costs and if I tell her the price, she will say so expensive, save the money etc… so most times, when I buy stuff, I dun tell her the price… hehe… or I round it down.. :P  hopefully she dun ask this time around… if not, she sure confirm dun want to go.. then I will have to go to Bali alone… hehe… which I dun mind too… oh well, the Bintan villa is really tempting… I think it will be my first time staying at such a luxurious place… can’t wait to go… hehe….

Bali or Bintan?

Ok… now I am torn between these 2 choices… It’s either Bali alone or Bintan with my parents & estelle (provided I can get them along)… If they dun want to go, I think the answer is quite clear… Hmm, let me list out the pros and cons of each:-

Bali (if go, will be going alone cos’ my guy has confirmed that he dun have any more leave left)

i)  Cheaper than family trip to Bintan… Airfare + accomodation at Holiday Inn = $1,400 Expenditure for myself only… can spend more on booze.. hehe…

ii) Alone time + free to do whatever I want

iii) Long holiday, fares is quoted for 9D8N trip…

iv) Further than Bintan.. the further you travel, the more relaxed you are… hehe…

v) Going alone so might be a bit lonesome.. moreover never been to Bali.. however, did it before in Phuket so this con doesn’t really count… hehe… but will miss my guy lots…

Bintan with my parents and Estelle (provided I can get them to go as I mentioned)

i) Family travel trip… haven’t done that since when I was in primary school I think??? 

ii) As location is near, can bring Estelle along…

iii) Expensive… 2 bedroom villa + ferry fees = $2200  Expenditure for all will be more…

iv) Got to cater to needs of parents and estelle (afternoon nap lah, cannot eat that or this lah etc)

v) short holiday, price quoted is for 4D3N

vi) Good bonding time… moreover never brought my parents overseas also… maybe it’s time… as for Estelle, yes, never brought her overseas but she’s too young to remember anything… however, i know we will have lots of fun at the sea-front-private-pool villa!!!! hehe… anyway, promised her to bring her to Disneyland when she grows older, maybe in primary school (actually is I want to go again myself :P) hehe…

vii) they will feel bored while I’m busy sun tanning!!!! hehe…

Oh well… actually may not have to consider so much cos’ I’m quite doubtful that my parents will agree due to work committments and dog committments (there’s a dog at home so feeding may be a problem)… that is why I had asked my brother if he can help out these few days to feed the dog so we can go… he haven’t replied… if yes, then will ask my parents and also my ex in-laws to see if estelle can make it too… hehe…

Though Bali is very tempting… arrggghhhh… but I will feel good if my family is happy also… and the villa will be nice… hehe… okay, so set… Bintan with family first choice.. Bali with Ivy, myself and me will be second choice…

Finally got to smooch him after a week… hehe…

Was kinda disappointed last night cos’ I thought we were meeting up after my shift however, after my shift, I was quite puzzled on why he hadn’t called yet… so I called him and he was still at home… He said he went back home after work first and didn’t know that I wanted to meet him… *faint*… but I did tell him to call me and see if we can meet up tonight when he passed me the fish soup…

he offered to bring me out for dinner but I told him that it’s fine cos’ I wasn’t really hungry and since he’s at home and he sounded tired, told him to stay at home to rest… and I went back home (yes, I am a good girl this week, at least till thurs as for mon - wed, I went back home right after work, hehe)…

This morning when I was waiting for the bus to go to work, received a call from him… He told me to wait for him cos’ he will pick me up for breakfast and send me to work… hehe… had a short smooch when we were saying our goodbyes at my office…

And he even asked me out for lunch… hehe… went out for lunch and he sent me back and had a longer smooch during our goodbyes… we are supposed to meet tonight so i hope he dun pull the raincheck tonight… cos I really missed him and his kisses… haven’t kissed him for a week already… hiaks! yeah, i know, it’s not that long actually but to me, it is!!! hehe…

Fact is, I’m a smoochie, as in, I love to kiss and I can’t live without kissing… and I can kiss non-stop for the whole night… hehe… and for those who had kissed me before, you will know how good a kisser I am… :P  oh well, i know one person who loves my sloppy kisses.. hehe… Estelle!! of course…

Soup extremely sweet…

*giggling*… my guy is so sweet… i was doing duty and he called to ask me if I want anything… he was somewhere quite far from my office and he knows a food stall selling fish soup which is nice… so he ask me if I want some.. told him dun need to come all the way to send the soup to me cos’ didn’t want to trouble him and moreover, I have food in my office…

after about an hour later, he called me on the phone and told me that he’s arriving at my office to pass me the soup… aiyoh, so sweet de… and felt good to see him again cos’ very long didn’t see him already… but didn’t see him for long cos’ i took the soup and went back office… didn’t even kiss goodbye… hehe.. inappropriate mah, though I really wanted to plant a big fat kiss on him… hehe… anyway, hope to meet him tonight… miss him so so much… he made my day and it came just in time cos’ had a bad day at work (fed up with somebody at work, oh well, what’s new)… hehe… oh ya, when I drank the soup, it was really very sweet, must be cos’ it was added with love… *giggling*…

Bali in Dec???

Hmm.. was planning my leave for the rest of the year and realised that I have 13.5 days more to clear… minus out the major events and the leave period of my boss and my right hand man, it was just right… I have one week in Nov and 3 weeks in Dec… whahaha… it’s actually inclusive of my childcare leave… was thinking of going for a trip in Dec… Since Krabi most prob fix next year in May, I was thinking where else to go… So thought of Bali, Kuta Beach, since I haven’t been there before.. But quite ex leh.. there is one cheap and nice hotel but all rooms fully booked… the only place which is beachfront and nice left and cheapest out of all is Holiday Inn Bali le.. cost about $1200 for 8 nights… hehe.. plane tix cost about $170 flying by airasia… oh well… should I or should I not??  if I go, most prob go alone again cos’ my guy no more leave already… hmm… or dun go?? but I need my holiday… arrrggghhhh…

think estelle will be really happy cos’ I will be with her for like at least 2 weeks, one week in Nov and one & half week in Dec.. if I dun go, i will be with her for one month… wow!!! girl power for 1 month!!! hehe… anyway, dun know this year got bonus or not… sigh… but then again, I worked really really hard this year, so I should pamper myself a bit right???  :P  Bali, here I come!!! maybe… hehe…

was thinking going to boracay also.. but checked out the hotels there like not nice de leh… maybe beach is nice lah but hotels bit disappointing… then i think there are many transfers also, so think safer to go bali… hehe… maldives and mauritius too ex le, can’t go…

aiyah, how leh???  if I go, at least got this holiday to look forward to at the end of the year… sianz…

He should be back tonight…

Just back from my usual run again… actually today was kinda lazy to run cos’ felt tired.. but went anyway cos’ felt fat these few days… hahaha… at least feel a bit better after run… hiaks! today was a busy day at work and time passes quickly when it’s busy and finally, he should be back tonight… missed him so much…

and good, my boss will be back tomorrow… so at least no need to cover him anymore… everytime cover him damn suay one… but then again, he not around also good cos’ nobody will be at my ears, nagging and complaining about things… sometimes I just want to tell him straight in the face ‘Oei! you are the boss lah, at least you can do something about it (esp staff who dun work).. complain to me for f**k???!!!!! it’s not as if I’m the boss cos if I am, I would screw them upside down!!!’… hehe… his nagging and complaining can drive one crazy lor… especially when he comes at the wrong time, when I am really busy doing some work and he just plonk himself in my guest seat/sofa and just start yakking nonstop… actually sometimes I feel disrespectful cos’ I dun bother about him and continue doing my work… hahaha.. but no choice, if not, he will not stop…

Can’t wait to see my guy again tomorrow… miss him really much…

3 more hours to go… 1 & 1/2 months to go…

3 more hours to go before I end my shift… another 5 days the end of the event… After that, followed by a major exercise at end Oct and afterwhich, the last event (hopefully) for the year, in Nov… after that, all my officers will be going on leave and I will have to slog to continue with my baby project which I will have to float a bloody tender and stuff… sigh…

oh well… life at work still goes on… though it sucks and sucks extra cos’ got f**ked up ppl here… anyway… why can’t I post out????  sigh… I really want to go somewhere else and do some other things… kinda sick and tired of logistics… hmm… dun know how long I will be stuck here… I think I have contributed enough and also put in extra effort in what I had done… I was hoping to go back investigation which out of all my postings (investigation, command, staff) I loved investigation… cos’ nobody will disturb you if you move your cases and all you need to care about is your own cases… hahaha…

aawwwwww, i’m missing him too much… hope that I will dream of him tonight, at least get to see him in my dreams also happy… hehe….

Ppl who dun know me personally may be reading this too…

Just to continue on what I wrote last night since Estelle went back to her Daddy’s place… Well, cos’ tomorrow I am on duty so couldn’t care for her… had great fun with her again though it was short… we were laughing like crazy girls so loudly when we were enjoying teasing each other… hahahaha… and I think she laughs like me… hmm…

oh yes, sometimes it’s kinda scary to know that ppl who may not know me personally, knows some personal details about me… hahha… it will not be scary if I know that they read my blog or my status update in FB… but why would somebody who dun know you as a friend, bothers to read all these?  that is when it’s scary… guess they might have some agenda and i am very skeptical to all these… oh well, i’m not afraid of stalkers anyway… and of course there are more personal stuff which I dun really post in public…

I miss my guy lots… he’s not around for a few days… will only get to see him next week… but it’s alright, whenever I miss him, I will just send him an email…  doesn’t matter if i dun get any reply from him cos i know he is having a great time with his family… hope he enjoy himself and destress before going back to work…

Wondering exactly how many blog fans I have…

Hmm.. sometimes I wonder how many of my friends actually read my blog… I guess it doesn’t matter if no one reads it… this is more to me like a diary and also a way to provide updates for friends to who reads them..

Used to keep a diary when I was young… I love to write and especially noting down my feelings and thoughts… it’s a way of releasing stress and also to understand the feelings within… and it’s great to take out the diaries and read them from page one after a few years later… the old feelings will come back and I will remember what I had forgotten… more of like while reading, there will be flashback on my life back then… however, I dun have the habit of physically keeping the diary because most times, sad to say, I always end up throwing them away… cos’ most entries in my diaries are all about my then relationships… of course the start of the diary was always how happy I was in love, how lucky I felt being in love, how everything will turn out the way I want it to be like a fairy tale etc… but well, we all know that that didn’t happen, in fact, all my relationships… hiaks… just like my story posted in my earlier blog entries…

So well, I decided to keep a copy of my blog entries, in case the website crashed, or my account got hacked or whatsoever… I mean, I just saw my total entries in my blog… 345 entries??? OMG, didn’t know I had so much things to say though… hahaha… I started blogging frequently in 2008.. that’s like 1 and half years of blogging and I have 345 entries… so worked out to be average of 19 entries a month which means, I write an entry every 2 days… hiaks!! hmm…. I think that’s alot of updates about me… hehe…

and it doesn’t matter if I dun have any blog fans… hehe… it’s kinda entertaining to read back on what I wrote though some parts are kinda sad… but I guess that’s just life… it will never be smooth all the way… if it is, life will be so boring.. Life should be like a roller coaster, with its ups and downs…

hmm… will write somemore about this later.. got to go pick Estelle up… yay, girl power again.. hehe…

Demoralized…

Received an email from manpower this morning… after reading it, damn demoralized… sent out an email to them yesterday morning to ask them to surface my name for posting after major event in Nov… but their reply is that they had checked with my big boss last month however, my big boss not keen to let me go and suggested that I should stay where I am for a longer period… nearly fainted after reading the email…
I mean it’s like, come on, I know I am capable but just because I’m good and so I’m being held back though I want to post out?? Sigh… so should I slack? I mean, it’s like I’m a victim of my own doing…
oh well, wait and see ba… if I have the chance, I will speak to my big boss and see what she says…
sometimes you stay at the same place for too long, it gets too routine… actual fact is that I’m burning out… too much work, no men to run errands, too little time… sigh…

went for run last night…

Hehe… managed to go for a run last night though it rained… by the time I went for the run, the rain had stopped and fortunately, did not even drizzle… the only drizzle was my perspiration…

supposed to go out today but hmm.. my hot date is sick so guess it’s just me again, alone at home… sigh… oh well… everytime it’s like that, if i have a programme, then many other friends ask me out… if I dun have programme, nobody ask me out…

think i go get lunch and then try to get some sleep later… since nothing else better to do…

Estelle not coming over this weekend…

Today is the mid autumn festival and Estelle is not coming over this weekend cos’ she went back to Malaysia with her Daddy… however, last week didn’t see her also, so was missing her really much and therefore went over to daddy’s house to visit her and play with her for a while… ended up teaching her a bit of her school work and well, we did play also lah… hehe… had so much fun with her… just like sisters having fun… hehe… she had so much things to tell me and kept talking non-stop… same for me too… hehe… maybe cos’ we didn’t see each other for quite some time le… we can’t keep our kisses off from each other either… hehe.. anyway, today tried to jio my friends for MJ but all of them are not free cos’ everyone is spending the mid-autumn with their loved ones mah… hmm… anyway, gg to dinner with my mum and stepdad… actually they wanted to go early so that they can come back home in time to watch some drama show… but I was like, wat the hell, so early?  cos’ I only had my lunch at 2.30pm… then my mum said nvm, eat later lor… hehe…

looked so dark outside… actually wanted to go for a run in the night but looks like it’s not a good idea… looks like tonight will be a stormy night… hmm… see how… maybe go much later in the night… my muscles are getting too ‘relaxed’ and not firm anymore so must go work them out… moreover, i have my new NIKE+ watch le, so no excuse not to go running… hmm, ok, set… will go tonight if it doesn’t rain.. probably about 10pm like that… hehe…

*sometimes when things just seem so hopeless, you just got to believe in it… and it will come true… however, when things are meant to be, it will be… when they are not, it will not… and do what you need to do cos’ if you dun, you will regret it in the future… life is too short for regrets..*  with this, I am stil in high spirits… hehe…

Still feeling happy…

Still feeling really happy… *giggling like a small girl*… though today work is like S**T… nvm.. was kinda busy today at work… it’s like 100 emails a day??  and most have follow-ups to do… moreover, my boss still not back in office… whenever he’s away, everyone in office will quickly come to me to approve things as I’m covering his position… *pengz*

my buddy is coming back from HK… told him to help me buy Hello Kitty blanket for Estelle cos’ she’s outgrowing her current one… hmm, then I told him to buy genuine, not fake… cos’ i think fake Hello Kitty stuff look ugly and just not like the real stuff.. hmm, can’t wait for him to be back cos’ Estelle will definitely be really happy with the new blanket… hehe…

Really happy today….

Really very happy today… hmm… wun explain the happiness yet… anyway, busy at work.. supposed to go for my facial and massage today cos’ on half day PM leave but got to cancel my leave and appt cos’ my boss on 3 days’ MC… and there was a meeting scheduled for PM today so under the bo pian act, i had to rep my boss and attend the meeting…

another event is nearing… really tired… will collapse from over-working really soon… i am very sure, during APEC, confirm I will fall sick cos’ it’s always the case.. work too hard and fall sick… hai…

hope can pull through… i have lots of other work on hand and cos’ of all the events, dun really have time to follow up… hai…

F1 weekend..

Wow… it’s finally over… Was tired out with work.. but fortunately there were the concerts to keep me going.. hehe… 2 more events to go before the end of the year… after the events, i still have my big project to follow up… sigh… nvm… i think i should stop complaining and just do it…

I need a long break… hmm.. when can i go for my hols? damn!

F1 Rocks on Fri night!!!

Went for F1 Rocks last night… they were featuring *N*E*R*D, Simple Minds, ZZtop and of course, the band that I went for, No Doubt.. I didn’t really know the songs from the first 3 bands… For *N*E*R*D, I only know one song which is dun know what ’she’s sexy’.. I dun even know the title… For Simple Minds, I only know ‘Alive and Kicking’ plus ‘Dun you forget about me?’ … whahaha..

No Doubt was really good and hyper on stage… There is this group of girls in front of me who were really hyper also.. Think they are high on alcohol… like acting so crazy… one even took of her top and left with a tiny bandeau.. and come on, she is so flat lor… also, she was getting on on this ang moh… like really desperate and getting onto him when he didn’t give a hoot about her… but maybe they are bf and gf ba… not too sure… but didn’t know someone can be so desperate… those are the real SPGs lor… whahaha…

well, tonight is Black Eyed peas and Beyonce… hehe… Yay!!!! Can’t wait… :P

Cash deposit machine

Last night I was at the cash deposit machine… I wanted to update my bankbook to check if the buyers of my hello kitty pearl cards had banked in the money… However, there is this guy whom is like 3 persons ahead of me, he was like hogging the machine…

the update machine has the cash deposit function too… so this guy was like at the machine and trying to cash in a couple of hundred dollars… sometimes the machine just doesn’t accept some of the cash because the machine can’t bloody read the notes… however, this guy refused to give up and kept trying for at least 10 times… reputting the same notes into the machine… Wah lao eh… I was like wanted to shout to him ‘Oei, haven’t tried enough or what???!!!’ but since the ppl in front of me were not making any noise, i decided to just shut up.. but the more I think, the more I felt that only Singaporeans will behave like this… i mean, come on, it’s not like you are trying with new notes or what.. it’s the same bloody notes… and you are dealing with machines… if it can’t read the first time, maybe you try the 2nd or 3rd time… but after that, you would have given up… he tried like 10 bloody times lor… *pengz*… I was like really angry at first but started laughing at this sight… Singapore lang (which means singaporean in Hokkien)… so typical…

Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection

Had started out on the Hello Kitty Pearl Cards Collection about 3 weeks ago… had also started exchanging cards, buying/selling extra cards over the internet etc… wanted to make sure I have the whole collection so made the extra effort… hehe… actually I saw the book first and Estelle didn’t… so I pointed it out to her and she wasn’t so interested as she was more interested in some other princess sticker book or something else… then I told her that I’m getting the Hello Kitty one… hehe… I guess she must have rub off the Hello Kitty interest from me since she was a baby… maybe if she is given a choice, she wouldn’t pay a slight interest in HK… okok, it’s me… though I dun label myself as a HK crazed fan, I think I have slightly more interest in HK than the normal human being… hehe…

Still missing about 30 cards out of 124 cards… Hmm.. dun know if I am able to complete it or not…

Anyway, spent a long weekend with Estelle… we had our first picking-of-angsana (is it angsana? it’s known as ‘xiang si dou’ in Mandarin)-seeds experience at St Andrews Cathedral yesterday… she had so much fun… I had fun too… i mean, yeah, yummy mummy and daughter picking up seeds from the ground… aiyoh… hehe… i think she loved them cos’ they were red in colour… we practically swept the ground of all seeds… hehe…

hmm… going to be a really busy week… man, when can I be less busy???

‘The Ugly Truth’ & F1 recce

Well, just to update on last week’s events… which I missed posting and remembered now…

Went to watch ‘The Ugly Truth’ with him last week… Katherine Heigel is pretty and the male lead is handsome… basically the movie is about how ppl fall in love with each other even knowing the ugly truth about the other person…  In the show, Katherine tried to act and behave to make a potential guy like her.. and eventually she got the guy however, she realised that she was in love with the male lead and that it was tough for her to pretend to be someone else to be in love… well, will not reveal what happen at the end but it’s a feel good movie… well, it’s great if your partner loves you for who you are, with all the good and the bad cos’ no one is perfect…

Ok, now about the F1 recce few days back… went to F1 pit building for a recce for the event APEC… however, because next weekend is F1, there was extensive work at the F1 pit building area… then while I was sitting down with another colleague waiting for the rest, we saw this group of ang moh construction workers… wah lao eh, about half of them were hot and handsome lor… aiyoh… see already cannot take it sia… moreover they were like carrying things and sweating and stuff like that, so macho… hehe… then after that, the site supervisor (also ang moh) but uncle type and fat, was walking towards the building where we were sitting, he saw me and he looked like stunned… I didn’t really bother cos’ I thought maybe that’s his look… or maybe cos’ what I was wearing (I was wearing something translucent and you can see my brassiere through my translucent top)… but i mean, it’s not uncommon for guys to stare at me… whether they stare at me cos’ i pretty or ugly, i dun really know… then my guy colleague commented ‘wah, he see until didn’t blink ah’… with that, then I realised that maybe I’m not over sensitive… hmm… oh well, whatever… i dun feel comfortable when guys stare at me lor… :P 

which reminds me of how ‘D’ looked at me last night… his eyes were sparkling when he was gazing into mine… missed him already… and he just said he loves me when I asked him if he does… felt better after he said that… was afraid that he doesn’t even though I could feel the love from him, so asked him… at least now it’s not just my wishful thinking…

Found myself….

Found myself tearing over him again… Series of events happened but still no decision from him yet… All he could ask is for more time… sometimes I wonder why I’m still hanging onto a hope that a miracle will happen… a miracle like eventually we really would end up happily together, with blessings from everyone… He thinks that I’m still bothered about him not turning up at the airport for the Phuket trip… though I did mention a few times about the incident, that I was felt totally rejected when I finally checked in alone… and that probably he didn’t love me cos’ he didn’t turn up for me… but if I’m still bothered about that incident now, would I even still have any feelings for him now?  I admit that I was so affected by it especially right after that incident… All I could tell myself was that I hate him and that I could better off with someone else… Everyday I faced the mirror and tell myself ‘I dun love him.’ to rid the feeling of rejection and hopelessness.. But after I found out about some things, I realised that I might have misunderstood him… and that’s when I also realised that my brainwashing didn’t really do much and that I should just accept my feelings and move on with life… to go through the phases of a heartbreak and move on without him…  

But I found myself loving him again after I found out that he still loves me… I know it’s stupid but how can you control your feelings… especially feelings so deep… Till now, I still love him, I do… and I have never blame him for what happened… I always believe that things happened for a reason… and sometimes things happened though you dun want it to happened…

I love the laughters we have between us, the squabbles we occasionally exchange, the hugs and kisses we share, the intimate moments we immersed in when sharing our innermost feelings… I’m starting to wonder if he loves me because he loves me or just cos’ he doesn’t want to disappoint me…

Should I continue to wait for a miracle to happen or accept reality and give him up?  It’s just 2 weeks away… I think I will wait for the last time…

Is it so tough….

Is it so tough for one to say he/she loves you?  I dun know… For me, it is not tough… For me, it just comes naturally and will say it whenever I feel it… there’s nothing to be shy of or about cos it’s truly from the heart… unless it’s fake then it’s a different thing…

My mum taught me one thing… she said that if you ask the question ‘Do you love me/her/him?’ to someone and if there is even a slight hesitation, it shows that the person dun truly love… maybe just slight love or simply liking… Because one will not hesitate if the answer is true… Though I dun agree many things with her, I have to take her side on this one… When my ex came to take my hand in marriage, my mum ask him the same question.. he paused for a while and nodded his head… he didn’t even say out the answer… After the session, I asked him why he didn’t answer, he replied that he was shy or sthg like this type of things you dun say it out or whatever… Which I dun understand because for me, if I really love someone, and when ppl ask me if I love him, I will straightaway shout out loud saying ’Yes!!! I love him!!! I love him so much!!!’.. when I love someone, I will want to shout out loud to the world that I love him with all my heart and all my soul…

Maybe we are Asians… Asians are not really into expressing their feelings… And cos’ I’m very ‘Ang Moh’ which most of my friends will say that I am a Caucasian borne with yellow skin… then maybe that is why I dun hide my feelings… I laugh whenever I want to, cry whenever I want to, scold whenever I want to, love whenever I want to… some ppl say that there is a perfect timing for such things, but then again, what IS the perfect time?  shouldn’t feelings be spontaneous?  Isn’t the perfect time always NOW?  Hmm…

Always say things that you want to say or things you want the other person to know… family, friends, lovers… doesn’t matter who… cos’ you will not know when will you not get the chance to tell them anymore… in short, treasure what you’ve got, before it’s too late…

still sick so Estelle not coming over

Still sick… so for this weekend, Estelle is not coming over… I wanted to bring her back actually cos’ I really missed her very much but my MIL was right… cos’ if I bring her back, she is sure to catch the flu bug from me de… cos’ we always very close… Hmm…

Anyway, think many ppl had been falling sick recently… maybe it’s the bad air or what… talk about bad air, I haven’t been exercising le… wanted to go for a run the other day but think better not since was sick… later collapsed halfway also nobody knows… :P 

F1 is coming… very soon… And loads of work is piling up… I was looking through my roster the other day and I realised that actually I could still squeeze in to catch the F1 rocks! concert at Fort Canning… Yay!!! I bought the tickets liao… $300/- for Fri & Sat night… The reason why I go to watch is because there is No Doubt (on Fri) and Black-Eyed Peas (on Sat)… My duty is off on Friday, Saturday day shift and Sun night shift… hahaha… I thought I couldn’t catch any of them but fortunately I looked at the roster carefully and thought maybe I can still watch at least No Doubt on friday and realised that I can go for the Sat night one too since BEP only comes on stage at about 2115hrs… which most times they are not on time, so if I rush there in a cab, i can still make it cos’ my duty ends at about 2030hrs… hmm… can’t wait…

No fishbone after CT Scan

Seriously, ppl might think that I’m farking lying… but hell, i’m not… I did the scan and there wasn’t any fishbone… doctor had tried to press on my tonsils and it was pain so she said that it might be inflammation of the tonsils… didn’t give me antibiotics since i was on antibiotics for my flu… hai… got to go back there again next thursday to see if the pain is still there… but fortunately, there isn’t anything unusual about my CT scan… tot maybe there is some tumor growth or whatever…

they should have done this bloody CT scan on the very first day… the first 2 weeks were hell… after that, not pain anymore… maybe the fishbone went down my throat after 2 weeks and i could still feel the ’shadow’ pain in the 3rd week cos’ the wound was healing??  dun know lah… at least now felt relieved lor… no fishbone stuck anywhere… hahaha…

my nose started to feel blocked already… think the flu bug is finally acting up after a few days of cough and sore throat… if i haven’t recover by tomorrow, most probably not bringing estelle back already.. if not, she also kena from me… hai…

Pain miraculously gone…

Today I tried to squeeze my nose muscles to see if the sharp pain is still there… however, dun feel anything at all… maybe it’s the painkillers which I had been taking for my body ache and my headache… will continue to monitor the pain so that can decide whether to go for the CT scan on thursday…

feeling slightly better today… but again, couldn’t sleep last night… anyway, managed to get some sleep till 9plus today and slept a while in the afternoon… no phone calls today and subsequently realised that my work phone may be down… it’s like I didn’t off it but ppl couldn’t get through when they call… oh well… dun know if i can get a replacement… sigh, if not, ppl think I purposely off my handphone…

I guess I will try to sleep earlier tonight… Have a long long day tomorrow.. recces in the morning and afternoon… Sianz…

Sick…. & fishbone ain’t out yet… Sigh…

Fell sick today… actually last night could feel it already however brushed it off and tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well… anyway, this morning also tot it was just a day of not-feeling-too-well and even wanted to go for a recce at 11am… but by 10am, i started to feel that my head was throbbing more than ever and that I was starting to lose my voice… even my colleague who didn’t see me in the morning, could hear that I was sick just by talking over the phone… aiyoh… thank god no runny or block nose… only bad cough, sore throat, body ache and headache… no fever also… on 2 days MC… hopefully by Wed I am okay because Wed I have recces for the whole day.. waaahhh…

even brought my laptop home so that I tot maybe I can clear some stuff from home tomorrow… took medicine and now waiting for the cough mixture to kick in and can have a nice sleep *cross fingers* hopefully no nightmare… shd have gone to the doctor’s this morning but thought I can tolerate for at least a day or a few days and maybe situation gets better… but I guess it doesn’t work that way… at least now with medication, situation may get much better by tomorrow.. hai…

thursday still got to go for CT scan… the pain is still there… my GP even ask me if the infection is caused by the fishbone stuck as I told him that they couldn’t find the fishbone yet… whahaha… dun know… see how lah… must rest these 2 days… got to recover by weekend so able to see estelle…

Pain is still there…

I doubt the pain will go away… been 2 and half weeks… still have the sharp pain when I squeeze my nose muscles… though not as pain as when I first felt the pain… and seriously, I am very very curious what the thing exactly is… whether it’s really a bloody fishbone and how the hell did the fishbone get stuck up in my tonsils??  All I could remember of the fish dinner was that I felt that I was swallowing the fishbone so I quickly cough it out however, it didn’t come out so I continued to eat… I felt the pain only after the dinner… hai… damn, must be because I was laughing at a friend to had his fishbone get taken out by a doctor… I was saying that how can an adult swallow a fishbone… The last and only time that I had a fishbone stuck in my throat is when I was 7 years old… but well, should have known not to laugh at others… now ownself kena…

Been having the weird dreams again… I hope tonight I will have sweet dreams instead of weird dreams… I miss him alot… anyway, we went out the other night and placed a bet over a game of pool… the one who loses will have to quit smoking… and obviously I lost cos’ he’s good… he always wins others at the open table so well… yeah, I lost… told him that once I finish whatever I have, I will stop… in fact, if he had chosen me, I would have stopped for him cos’ why smoke when there’s no reason to?  I gave it up for him once when we first got together… but picked it up again once things get a bit confused esp. when it comes to our status… so confusion plus stress at work equals pick up smoking again… I dun know if I will be able to do it again this time around… I hope I can… it’s going to be tough because I’m starting to feel alot alot of work stress already… and it’s just starting only… had been busy since Mar this year… had a break in May and supposedly was a romantic break but ended up heart-break… time passes really quickly… but when you misses someone, the time seems to be ticking away so slowly…

Weird weird dreams…

Had been having really weird dreams about me and ‘D’… and funny thing is, I can remember all the weird dreams… wun really give explicit details about the dreams but basically, dreams of him choosing me though we are not together now… even dreamt that we were in Santorini, Greece, watching the sunrise together… but then, the ending was that I died in his arms, watching the sunrise… :P maybe it’s the bloody nose pain thingie… I’m not really worried about what it could be cos’ the worst will be cancer nia… And I’m not afraid to die so really no issue… the only issue is whether those who are close to me will be able to cope or not… like estelle, my family and of course ‘D’… hai…

there were other dreams too… oh well… maybe will give details some other time… been really busy with work…